US porn industry requests precautionary financing

this story would have had me choking on my cornflakes this morning, should I eat cornflakes for breakfast.

Porn baron Larry Flynt is seeking a $5 billion bailout from Washington to rejuvenate the industry, which he says is suffering because of the economic downturn.

The Hustler magazine founder has teamed up with fellow adult entertainment mogul Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series, to approach Congress for the same kind of financial assistance recently approved for car manufacturers.

The pair have asked the 111th Congress, which convened on Tuesday with the economy at the top of its agenda, "to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America" with a bailout.

Perhaps they should also include the CEO of tissue manufacturers when they make their presentation, too?

"Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, (and) we feel we deserve the same consideration," Francis said in a statement.

Without wishing to pour scorn on the work of Mr Francis and his elegant and sophisticated ladies, I think the key points to the whole financial bailout are the words 'most important businesses'. Whilst recreational activity is certainly important in ensuring a healthy work/life balance I'm not convinced that Mr Flynt and Mr Francis are entirely necessary in assisting that. I've never encountered the phrase (and nor do I want to) "we can't tonight, darling, the DVD player's not working."

"In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

Don't forget that nanny told you it would make you blind, though.

In an interview with entertainment news website TMZ, Francis admitted the move was more of a "precautionary measure" than an emergency rescue, "but as long as the government is handing out money, we want to be there to take it."

Financial contraception, if you will.

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," Flynt said in a statement. People were "too depressed to be sexually active", which was "very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such, but they cannot do without sex." He said the only way Congress could "rejuvenate" America's sexual appetite was "by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

Yeah, am still not convinced. Unlike, say, a penis, porn is not a necessary requirement of sexual intercourse. It's especially not for most women particularly when the make up and shoes worn in the films are so dated and unfashionable.

There's also the real possibility that people are economising and perhaps watching their favourite porn flick on more than one occasion.

Bad luck for Mr Flynt and his 'ladies' and moustachioed men, but the global economic downturn affects us all. It's the word 'global' in that phrase which might just give that point away.

There was no response from Congress to the request.

Presumably from the advice of a press officer.