Sunday, August 31, 2008

A question

If Siamese twins are twins which are joined together, why aren't Siamese kittens kittens which are joined together?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Cuban Missile Crisis part deux?

Apologies for the miserable postings the last few days. Have been told off by various people who have also decided to entertain me, usually via large amounts of alcohol and picnics in Belgrave Square.

Attention by people who have never met me before, such as a couple who live in Witney of which one half used to work for that 'charmer' Ashley Mote, are still insistent on attacking me. Why? Seriously? If you've got a problem, come meet me and say it to my face. You'd be brave, I'm not the smallest, weakest person in the world but there is a sympathetic streak in me, after all. And surely it's more conducive than writing bollocks on some forum. Unless it's all unsubstantiated and you're just bitter? Menopause onset, perhaps?

Tried to explain the situation in Georgia to a couple of people. Yes, I've come down in favour of Georgia generally speaking, but, as I explained to my Ruskie friends, I do note that the EU and the US have been exacerbating the issue over the past few years. Claiming that the Ukraine is part of Europe, for example, and the expansion east of the EU is rather like western leaders taking a big stick and poking the once powerful Russia. I'd be pissed off at the empire building in my back yard because that's what the EU is doing.
As my darling David says,

Russia remains unreconciled to the new map of Europe.

Why the fuck should they?

Shoving missiles in Poland is similarly like the Cuban Missile Crisis. I suspect if some regime I didn't like, the Lib Dems for example, but some huge lentil eating factory in my neighbour's garden, ready to turn my hanging baskets into a suitable venue for a vegan orgy, I wouldn't like it to much and would pretty quickly turn the BBQ on and invite my carnivorous friends round for a rare steak or two.

Not that what the EU thinks is of any relevance, of course, because Germany and France want different things. It's the Common Foreign and Security Policy (France) vs the Common Energy Policy (Germany). What people must realise is that it's states who make the decision. We cannot let our government get away with some tiny froggie speaking for us on the world stage, and we cannot let some haystack haired kraut tell us that we should be dependent on the Ruskies for our energy. Lord, even my Russian friends think we're mad to do so, including the ones who are rather wealthy from oil and gas.

But it's a question of tearing the nation away from Big Brother and whatever other shit they are watching and informing them that moaning about something and then voting for the buggers who did it isn't going to change anything.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Woman, 98, Dies and other stories

Well, people still aren't leaving me alone. In fact, people are now asking and debating why I want to be left alone now!

It's all getting very silly. I'm sick of being considered by certain people as belonging to them; someone who can be persecuted because they've paid £20 (or £10, most likely) to join an organisation.

In the words of The Blow Monkeys, 'you don't own me'. It's just weird and creepy to think of all these people I don't know bashing away at their...keyboards in the dark. Go down the pub, get a hobby which isn't me. Something. Please, I beg of you.

Short trip to the hospital yesterday resulted in me feeling marginally better thanks to prescription drugs. I don't know why people bother with leisure drugs when the legal ones are so good. Had a chat with my GP today about it all and he's popped me on some lovely tablets in the meantime before I can see him again. I asked him what they were. "You've been on them before" he told me. "What haven't I been on" I replied. May take up Claudie's advice and by shares in Glaxo Smith Klein.

Obviously it will be a while before I can see him since he's full to the brim with whining babies and old people until then. Never mind. Will pill pop and rest. Lovely.

Mood lifted even further by competition between Claudie and myself entitled 'Headlines in Guernsey* Newspapers' which is a follow on from out game of 'August Headlines in National Newspapers' born from a Press Association news story entitled: 'Air show ticket holders disappointed at event cancellation'. The trick is to invent headlines which aren't stories but might actually at some point appear, or even have appeared in local newspapers.

Anyway, some of my favourites:

'Wing mirrors collide, man angry'
'Cow dead at Home Farm, no one hurt'
'Shepherd denies offences as sheep stampede towards cliff'
'Experts say August could be hot, although admit 'it might be cooler too''
'Suffolk man caught with Scot woman, many gossip'
'leaves 'falling early from tree' claim residents'

Some EU themed ones:

'tiles fall from EU building in France, no one hurt'
'EU directive adopted, implications unclear'
'UKIP man battered by own flying turds, inquiry ordered'
'Georgia crisis: EU leaders look for map'

And the new hip craze taking over the world, skateboarding gerbils:

'EU Website hijacked by Mujahadin skateboarding gerbils, no inquiry ordered'
'skateboarding gerbil dies, Queen saddened'
From the Express: 'Diana loved skateboarding Gerbils'
Sunday Express: 'Exclusive! Skateboarding gerbil confesses to MI5 Diana plot, pages 5,6,7, 8, 9, 10'
and in the magazine: 'my life with the skateboarding gerbil'

The Daily Mail: 'skateboarding rodents: are asylum seekers to blame?'
and 'House Prices Tumble, Ministers blame skateboarding rodent'

The Daily Star" 'skateboarding rodent denies custard attack'

and my all time favourite, which may be because genius friend and I have a private joke involving the substance:

'Nottingham councillor denies charges of spraying custard at neighbour's dog'

*it doesn't need to be Guernsey. It can be anywhere other than London where activities may be sparse.

EU to ban pasta

Well, almost:

London, AUG 26 (ANI): The classic Vespa scooter, which came to symbolise Mod rebellion in Britain, has been scrapped after falling foul of European Union emissions rules.

The iconic Vespa scooter has been axed after EU chiefs ruled it was not eco-friendly.

Is there anything they won't ban, we ask ourselves?
Yes. They won't ban their antidemocratic, totalitarian view of a single Europe. They won't stop their attacks on MEPs who want the people to have a say in their own future, they won't stop their vast wasting of money which is not theirs to spend and they won't stop ignoring the wishes of the people who are unfortunate enough to live in the EU.

And yet people still vote for parties who want to remain in.


Monday, August 25, 2008

Next stop London!

kisses to DK

I've been a bit quiet

Trixy has been quiet of late. I've been feeling very down about the whole life thing in general and also, politics is just such a fucking waste of time. The Filthy Smoker summed up how I feel in a paragraph:

Look, dick-head, we work some of the longest hours in Europe. We get told what to eat, how much to drink and where we can smoke. We get filmed from the moment we step out the fucking door. Our working lives are ruled by petty bureacrats, money-grabbing politicians, faceless corporations and thick-headed bosses. Life is a veil of fucking tears culminating in infirmity, loneliness and cancer. Do you think that, just for one day, you could leave us alone?

Except it's not the government I want just to leave me alone, it's the majority of people in the world who I am not friends with.

I do wish that a few years ago, around the time I started working, someone had taken me by the shoulders and said 'Trixy, politics is full of cunts. Don't work in it.'Then I could have done something meaningful with my life, like join the Army. And I do wish people who worked this out before me got in contact and told me.

I'm now with the majority of people in this country: not a member of a political party. It's a shame, I have so much admiration and respect for some of the people in UKIP, like the leader who is incredibly dedicated and selfless. However, like DK, I just couldn't tolerate the actions of a small number of the members whose actions are harming the party a huge amount.

One member has taken to e-mailing my former colleagues in Brussels to ask about my salary, another one has instructed a solicitor to send me letters and is, I have been informed, traveling around branch meetings in the Eastern Region talking about me. I've had people calling me up in the middle of the night threatening me, abusive e-mails and at one point someone calling me up and threatening to break my legs.

UKIP are the only party I would vote for currently and that's because I know at the heart of it there are a few decent, hardworking people who believe in what they are doing. But for my part, I'm too young to continue doing what I was having to do. And if I continue, I will probably turn into a person I don't want to be. Lord knows, I am already an angry cynic who generally finds people utterly disappointing and depressing. I'd much rather be independent, on the outside commenting than in the middle having to justify why I spend so much of my time dealing with crap.

The mouth foaming anger is in me still, but it's not directed at politicians at the moment and it's manifesting itself in uncontrollable, negative thoughts, tears and bouts of extreme depression. When I was traveling up to go skydiving this weekend I actually sent a message to Minge saying 'I actually think things would be a lot easier if the bloody parachute didn't open.'

Going skydiving was one of the best things I could have done: Once I was back in the hanger I though to myself, 'who are these people to treat me like shit? I know what they're trying to do, and they won't get it.'

That's what I'm saying to myself: If I can jump out of a plane at 12000 ft with naught but a large tablecloth in a rucksack on my back then I can cope with lots of things, including bullies.

In the mean time, until I find myself a job I want to do, please feel free to donate to my fund for the next jump.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Oh look, I was right

French president Nicolas Sarkozy has used the ongoing crisis between Russia and Georgia to put the case for the EU's new treaty, currently facing ratification difficulties.

In an opinion piece in Monday's edition of French daily Le Figaro, Mr Sarkozy, who currently holds the EU's six month presidency, wrote that the Lisbon Treaty would have given the bloc the tools it needed to handle the Moscow-Tbilisi war.
writes EU Obs.

As I wrote the other day

Lisbon has not been ratified but we knew our great Leaders would find a way around it and they are using suffering of Georgian civilians to further their own aims of a single EU foreign policy and EU battle groups.

If I were to use the conflict to my advantage I would hope that the ceasefire didn't work because then the impotence of the EU and, indeed, any supranational organisation, is highlighted. NATO is the most successful in my point of view, but in reality that worked because the US and the UK wanted it to work and had the money, manpower and equipment to do so.

The main stream media and British political parties will conveniently ignore this as it's a complicated issue and will raise that annoying problem that is the EU. Never mind the fact that when a country loses control of it's foreign policy the main roles a state have no longer exists so how much longer will it continue to be a state?

Can I have a medal anyway, please?

h/t Mr E

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Why Fat Socialists shouldn't be in charge of anything

Jackart pointed me towards the odious and, in my opinion, incredibly ugly Terry Kelly and what he thinks about the Olympics.

I think the rot set in years ago when I found myself watching an equestrian event where Princess Anne was mounted on a horse which seemed to be dancing like a circus turn, this was called ‘dressage’ and it was obvious that my granny could have made a fist of it.

What. A. Cunt.

The view of the gang debating this sentence most stupid, being myself, Jackart, the Devil and Jessica was that should his grandmother be anything like the rather fat Terry Kelly then she certainly wouldn't be able to make a 'fist' of dressage because the horse would not be able to move with the weight of Granny Kelly dragging it's centre towards the ground.

It encompasses the reason why I hate Kelly and his ilk: he doesn't understand something, people better off and with better manners and social skills do it so it must be bad and because he's jealous and probably hates himself for being an oik, it must be banned.

The fool clearly cannot understand that dressage requires years of training, finding the right horse, getting the relationship right, learning the moves and training. Not just sitting on a nag and asking it to turning around.
The horse was ’dressed’ like those black horses which you see pulling the hearse at an East End gangster funeral and the Princess was also kitted out in black with a lum hat, silk scarf and splendid polished black boots, the Olympics were degraded by this and other such farces. Call it what you will but it’ should not be an Olympic sport, Princess Anne won the ‘Sports Personality of the Year for her efforts’ setting new levels of sycophancy, for me this and other trivia wounded the Olympics but it is not the only sport which IMO should not be there.

Oh dear God, the horse is wearing a saddle and reins like everyone does when they ride a horse! That is so unbelievably elitest.
I will be accused of politicising this argument and I admit that there are now so many sports events that it is difficult to keep up with them but my golden rules which I will probably go on to break are that the event must require a degree of strength, fitness, stamina, skill etc. in addition the event must have a reasonable degree of accessibility for anyone who wants to try to compete.

I don't think Kelly has 'politicised' the argument, I just think he's a thick twat who is jealous of most people in this country and wants to stop them doing anything he doesn't understand but wants to be able to do.
So, the bansturbator general had come up with a list of activities which don't have anything to do with him that he wants to ban because, basically, he's a cunt:

Canoe / kayak - A traditional method of transport which clearly is too elitest because someone has to get off the sofa and train.
Equestrian - How dare this be a sport? Don't you know that rich tossers like to ride? They use horses for hunting and all kinds of healthy, fun things that socialists don't like people doing.
Fencing - The aristocracy used to fence as it made them good at sword fighting so again, it must be banned.
Handball - Far too similar to Eton Fives, which therefore needs no further elaboration.
Hockey - Those rich school girls who go to Roedean and Wycombe Abbey might be on the team.
Judo - Who knows...
Sailing - Not everyone can join a local sailing club and learn, even though we're an island and traveling to a river, coast, lake or reservoir isn't at all easy. Boats are expensive and therefore, it must go.
Shooting - Shooting is only allowed in council estates.
Softball - Jackart tells me this is predominantly played by lesbians. I'll let you make your own mind up as to why he wants to ban it.
Taekwondo - Not everyone can spell it.
Modern pentathlon - based on skills a 19th century cavalry officer would need if he found himself behind enemy lines. Nuff said.

Friday, August 15, 2008

MISSING: British Foreign Policy

Mr Sarkozy, who negotiated the deal on behalf of the European Union earlier this week, urged both sides "to consolidate the cessation of hostilities and accelerate the withdrawal of Russian forces to their positions prior to 7 August".

Lisbon has not been ratified but we knew our great Leaders would find a way around it and they are using suffering of Georgian civilians to further their own aims of a single EU foreign policy and EU battle groups.

If I were to use the conflict to my advantage I would hope that the ceasefire didn't work because then the impotence of the EU and, indeed, any supranational organisation, is highlighted. NATO is the most successful in my point of view, but in reality that worked because the US and the UK wanted it to work and had the money, manpower and equipment to do so.

The EU are very good at making legislation which slows down economies, provides jobs for numpties who think that windscreen wiper blades actually do need to be regulated, and having ideas above their station.

Things happen because states want them to. The Constitution in it's fancy dress outfit of the Lisbon Treaty which I would just like to point out hasn't failed regardless of how the peoples of the EU actually vote, will be pushed through and will come into force. This is because the political elite want it to. When the French and Dutch voted no in 2005, the pace of legislation in the EU sped up. The Irish voted no, and so the EU are ignoring it and trying to implement one of the most terrifying aspects of it, that of the UK not having her own foreign policy.

Now, admittedly in recent years we've rather clung on to the US but the primary role of the state, in my opinion, is to protect its people from attack and the Labour government are doing everything they can to weaken us. And having the Foreign Secretary sunning himself in some passe holiday resort whilst a Frenchman speaks on our behalf on the world stage (and can I just remind the French that if it wasn't for us and the yanks they'd be speaking German) is not looking after us.

EU battlegroups aren't going to be made from piles of soldiers hanging around Aldershot and the such who previously were sitting around with their thumbs up their arse; they will be the battlegroups previously assigned to NATO. NATO, which actually does some good.

In much the same way, Britain won't suddenly be increasing the size of her armed forces because some Johnny Foreigner says so. Retention is a problem we've been having for some years, and the possibility of fighting some war because the EU want us to when people are leaving because they don't really want to do another war in Iraq when they don't think we should be there is not going to solve it. It might even make it worse.

Getting 27 countries to agree to go to war will not happen, so Foreign Policy decisions can't be decided by unanimity.

I'll leave you to ponder what that means, whilst I point and laugh at the UN for not being able to do anything about Georgia because Russia has a veto on the Security Council....

Monday, August 11, 2008!

Congratulations to Rebecca Adlington on her Olympic Gold. I have just heard on the BBC that she has a soft spot for shoes and her mother used shoes as a reward when she won.

If only my mother had done the same thing I might have taken my swimming a little further than representing my school and the Guides at various swimming galas.

And for Rebecca, here is a special shoe for you:

Georgia part II

So, Georgia. Again.

DC in the comments said that condemning Russia was hypocritical because that's what the West did with Kosovo. Well, not really. We weren't trying to make Kosovo the next county on from Kent. Russia wants South Ossetia to be part of the Russian Federation.
If we look again at the UN Charter it says:

Article 2
3.All Members shall settle their international disputes by peaceful means in such a manner that international peace and security, and justice, are not endangered.
4.All Members shall refrain in their international relations from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state, or in any other manner inconsistent with the Purposes of the United Nations.

Which Russia hasn't done.

Yes, the UK and the US have damaged their reputation on these matters by ignoring International Law in 2003 and going to war in Iraq when we had no right or reason to. But that was in the past and we can't let someone else do a bad thing because we fucked up ourselves.

It's about time the United Nations prove whether they are a legitimate organisation actually striving for combating illegal warfare or whether they are just a toothless talking shop.

Russia has gone above and beyond their official statement of protecting their peacekeeping operations and protecting civilians by expanding their military operations into other parts of Georgia and, as far as the UN should be concerned, it's not their place to unilaterally decide what is lawful and not lawful.
If we pop back to the UN Charter
Article 39
The Security Council shall determine the existence of any threat to the peace, breach of the peace, or act of aggression and shall make recommendations, or decide what measures shall be taken in accordance with Articles 41 and 42, to maintain or restore international peace and security.

Which didn't happen.

In this case, I would argue that article 41 is not going to be any use and the Security Council should invoke article 42 and demand that Russian troops withdraw.

But to be honest, I can't see the UN doing much. I can see America getting involved but the UN will probably be as useful in sorting this out as they were in stopping the US and the UK invading Iraq on a lie.

So we'll go back to self appointed world police. Lovely.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A quick glance around the warzone.

Right, it's time to dip my toe in the water of international conflict via the medium of favouring one side over another on said blog. Rather than rushing into a war zone with one of these, h/t and a click of the heels to the beefcake:

So I will tentatively dip my toe in the mess which is occurring in South Ossetia

According to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, Russia's intention is to defend the many civilians of South Ossetia who hold Russian citizenship. In the 1990s, Russians who would like South Ossetia to be part of the Russian Federation, gave locals Russian passports. This is why Medvedev can talk about the Russian citizens his country wants to protect.

In purely legal terms, despite the declaration of independence in the 1990s, South Ossetia as a nation has never been diplomatically recognised. In a similar vein, the Taliban was never recognised as the government of Afghanistan and so when NATO troops descended on the country, it was not considered to be an international conflict but NATO troops fighting on behalf of the legally recognised Afghan government and, thus, an internal conflict.

Thus, the Georgian troops in South Ossetia are not hostile even though they are fighting with the separatists because the separatists are not defending their country. The Georgians, however, can be said to be defending their country by fighting the separatists: politics aside, of course...

Thus, if we have a quick look at Article 51 of the UN Charter we find it says:

Nothing in the present Charter shall impair the inherent right of individual or collective self-defence if an armed attack occurs against a Member of the United Nations, until the Security Council has taken measures necessary to maintain international peace and security. Measures taken by Members in the exercise of this right of self-defence shall be immediately reported to the Security Council and shall not in any way affect the authority and responsibility of the Security Council under the present Charter to take at any time such action as it deems necessary in order to maintain or restore international peace and security.

Georgia (31 July 1992), Russian Federation (24 October 1945).

However, the Russian attacks are hostile because they are attacking the territory of another nation without grounds. There has been no attack on Russia by Georgia and preemptive self defence, even if there were any suspicions, are not permitted under International Law.

It is therefore my humble opinion that when the UN meets, their resolution should come down in favour of the Georgians and that they should see right through this offensive foreign policy of the Russian Federation.

The situation also highlights the lunacy of our energy policy: how can our politicians honestly think that we should be reliant on a country like Russia for our energy needs? We need the new Kingsnorth power station for one, and for a new nuclear energy programme to ensure we can have clean, cheap electricity we can produce ourselves.

I would like to add that I rather like Russian people and have asked them on many occasions what it's like having a government which is proud of the country they govern rather than one like ours which just wants to sell us to the easiest bidder at the earliest opportunity.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

What the EU really think about democracy

Listen to Monica Frassoni question what democracy actually is...

And then ask yourself who you will vote for in June 2009 in the European Elections. Because if you don't want this woman to have anything to do with how this country is run then you shouldn't vote Labour, Tory, Lib Dems or Greens, or BNP because they are fascists.

NICE: Socialism in action?

I've just been listening to Any Questions where the topic of whether people should be able to pay for extra drugs came up. A question to a caller in 'Any Answers' for me summarised socialism for me in a nut shell.

Dimbleby asked the caller if it was okay for people to get NHS treatment and then pay for more drugs which weren't available on our shitty health service on top of that, because then richer people get better treatment. (I paraphrase)

That's just the success hating left all over: bringing everyone down to their lowest common denominator. For them, there is no distinction between someone who works hard, saved money by not going on foreign holidays or not buying revolting jewellery and going down the bingo and those that chose not to put themselves out but rely on the state (i.e everyone who could be bothered to work) to look after them.

There is this hatred of anyone who is brighter, more determined and more successful as they will show up the state-funded flock of idle layabouts and prove what a catastrophe socialism really is.

Quite frankly, I don't even see there is a question to raise. If you want an NHS the accept that it won't provide a world class health service. If you need drugs that the NHS can't provide then pay extra on top of your NHS treatment. If you are so fundamentally selfish that you think someone should not be able to make a decision which, when it comes down to it, is one of consumerism, then fuck off, you selfish bastards. And I'll have your NHS treatment whilst you're at it because someone as morally bankrupt as you doesn't deserve it.

Now there's the door, bugger off.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Oi, bitch! Get off my man!

Thanks to Mr E for pointing out that I have a rival who needs to know that she's very much down the list:

The contrast between him and David Miliband could not have been more acute: there was David on Thursday, an Italian cloth jacket slung sexily over his athletic shoulders, his dark hair in a boyish crop, signing autographs with a flourish, oozing star quality from every pore.

He even has his very own brood of adopted children, the only green way to make a family these days.

My goodness, if only his wife resembled Angelina Jolie, he could almost be our very own Brad Pitt.

Well, Liz Jones: It's got more chance of happening with me than you.

And she's not even faithful. Not like me:
Barack Obama (what with that movie-star smile and those long, long legs – no wonder the matronly white women queuing up for a peck on the cheek look as though they have just been asked on a date by Jesus


And if we go slightly further, we also find out she's a bit of a moron who clearly has no respect for her sex and considers us all idiots:
I am sorry to say this, but women consider only two criteria when voting for a future leader: Would I marry him? And will he make my own children more secure. That is it. Nothing, absolutely nothing else comes into it.

Speak for yourself, lady. I might be deep in love with the Miliband mark I but I wouldn't vote for him if you paid me. He has not had Trixy training yet, you see. Currently, given a choice between voting for Miliband and voting for Cameron I think I'd keep my ballot paper in my handbag for those emergency 'run out of loo roll' situations.

But the dear woman hasn't stopped yet....
I might be barren, but I’m not barmy. Let’s get a grip, fast. Yes, Gordon Brown has made mistakes (‘Sometimes little Tristan is full! I’m not going to make him finish his dinner just so that I don’t waste food! Do I have time to cook from scratch? I’m juggling!’) but he has done much that is commendable, and pretty brave, actually.

Is that bracket inserted in there by mistake? Anyway, Liz, as far as I can tell you're as bonkers as a leper with a brain tumour who has just had their head repeatedly slammed in a steel door. That's got to be the case if this article is actually what you think and not just a practical joke made because of a lost bet by a particularly vicious friend.

And it must have been some prize you were hoping for to humiliate yourself that much.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Love it...

So the rest of the world has finally caught up with the European Gendarmerie Force, have they?

The plans are based on the idea that the EU can do better than national governments with the report adding: "It appears that this sector cannot be managed politically by individual member states." It is also suggests that the European Gendarmerie Force (EGF), which currently only involves France, Italy, Spain, Portugal and the Netherlands, should become an EU body. The proposal will step up pressure on the UK to allow the deployment of armed foreign police officers in Britain during "crisis" situations, including public order disturbances at international summits.

Well done. Only a couple of years behind Better Off Outers. I do hope David Rennie, formerly of the Telegraph, will apologise for his rant in which he attacked Torquil Dick Erikson's words in the Sunday Express as, and I paraphrase, 'scaremongering'. Admittedly the article was only in E Shite Sharp magazine and I read it when it was circulated at the Fabian Society event I went along to with DK, where Nigel Farage was having to sit amongst airheads like Margot Wallstrom and Polly Toynbee.

From the 4th February 2008

Lord Pearson of Rannoch (UKIP) asked Her Majesty's Government:

Whether the European Union Gendarmerie Force will assist with the 2012 Olympic Games in the United Kingdom; and what role they foresee for this force in the United Kingdom.

Lord West of Spithead (Parliamentary Under-Secretary (Security and Counter-terrorism), Home Office; Labour)
The Government have not received any proposals on the use of non-UK police forces in support of security of the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games. We will consider any such proposals carefully. Policing in the UK is carried out with the consent and co-operation of the community. We would not want to interfere with these long-established policing traditions of which we are justly proud.

From the 19th February 2008
Lord Pearson of Rannoch (UKIP) asked Her Majesty's Government:

What is the proposed strength of the European Gendarmerie Force; what is its intended purpose; how is it being financed; and how much will it cost.

Lord Triesman (Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Foreign & Commonwealth Office; Labour)

The European Gendarmerie Force (EGF) is an initiative of five EU member states (France, Italy, the Netherlands, Portugal and Spain). The UK is not a member of the EGF and therefore does not have detailed information about the force.

I understand that the purpose of the EGF is to make available rapidly deployable paramilitary police units able to perform a variety of policing roles, primarily in support of EU crisis management operations. It has a permanent headquarters (HQ) of 30 staff based at the Centre of Excellence for Stability Police Units, in Vicenza, Italy. The HQ consists of a multinational core that can be reinforced as needed by agreement of the contributing states.

Apart from the HQ, the EGF is not a standing force, but will be generated and deployed on an ad hoc basis as needed. It is designed to be capable of deploying a police task force of up to 800 police officers, including a rapidly deployed HQ in the field, within 30 days. The police units that will form the EGF are drawn from existing national police resources from the five participating states; current commitments suggest that the EGF could reach a total nominal strength of 2,300.

I do not have details of how the EGF will be financed. Costs would presumably depend on the nature of any EGF deployment. To date, the force has not deployed in a live operation.

From the 14th May 2008, debate on the Lisbon Treaty:
Lord Hannay of Chiswick (Crossbench)

The hour is late, and I hesitate to suggest that the noble Lord is wasting police time, but that is what he is doing. This body is designed, as he read out, for crisis management outside the European Union. If he had any familiarity with the mounting of peacekeeping operations and conflict prevention, he would know that there is an increasing requirement in such operations for gendarmerie-type police. They exist in some member states, but do not exist in this country and a number of others. Therefore the countries that have them are prepared to get together, pool them and put them at the disposal of the United Nations or the European Union for peacekeeping operations, where they are extremely valuable and important. They are not for deployment within the European Union to other member states. We can go on with these fantasies, I suppose, all night if necessary, but it might be better to consign them to our pillows where such fantasies can become nightmares. Really and truly, this is not a serious subject.

And later on in the debate:
Lord Willoughby de Broke (UKIP)
I support my noble friend Lord Pearson. I do not think that the strictures from the noble Lord, Lord Hannay, are correct. This is an EU force, which, as my noble friend said, is training in Vicenza. It is not a civil, nice, friendly bobby police force, but riot police. I know that I am not allowed to produce photographs or anything else as hard evidence in your Lordships' House, but I can describe a photograph of helmeted, shielded, gas-masked, armed police training in Vicenza, with EU flashes on their shoulders. They are obviously acting in an EU capacity. Why, therefore, should they not at some point be deployed within the European Union?

I am sure that this will just be ignored by people, though. Like EU Pol. Like the building up of the single EU defence force, like MEP expenses, the erosion of democracy, the continual fraud, the legislation which governs our every move: we will soon go back to worshipping the false gods of Britney Spears and Big Brother Contestant mark XII. That's if anyone managed to raise their attention high enough to wonder about our security, safety and if we will be sent off to some foreign prison on the say so of a local magistrate who doesn't understand the EU or what legal systems are like in other countries.

It's endlessly tiresome, it really is. When will people wake up, or are they happy to sit here and watch the country be taken over? I suppose they must be: they've been electing pro EU governments ever since we joined the EU back in the 1970s.

We really do get the governments we deserve.

The new Ministry for Food

As someone who didn't vote for Boris Johnson and thinks the countryside far superior to the town any day of the week I'm not too bothered about what Boris Johnson does. The fact that he won't scrap the congestion charge or the low emission zone which has cleverly managed to make all the big lorries drive through suburbs where lots of people live and have children and go to school shows that he is just papering over the cracks of London's problems.

But when I heard he'd employed this Rosie woman to boss us around over food I thought, 'hold on Johnson, you chubby haystack-haired buffoon, I think it's around here that should should get off!'

Obo the Clown has put it much better than me, however:

Rosie, where the fucking fucking fuck do you think the councils are going to get more land from? Carve it from their cocks?
I'm sure that there are some council workers out there with large vegetables who may be able to help in this situation but probably not many. And would they want another vegetable on their vegetable?

I've no problem with ASBO kids doing chores generally and maybe doing a spot of gardening would be a good idea, provided there was actually some obligation on the brats turning up. They could also clean graffiti, pick litter, buy each other sensible clothes and have elocution lessons. I've no issue with that.

But like Obo, what I do have an issue with is another one of these tax payer funded non jobs designed to turn us into well behaved voters who will do what we are told by our 'betters'.

There was never going to be any real difference between Ken and Boris, just as there's no real difference between Labour and the Tories.

'Strength through Unity, Unity through Faith'

And don't you forget it.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Blog resumes in three weeks or so. Hopefully browner and fresher.

Posted at 17:35 02 August 2008 by David Miliband

Oh, to be that beach towel....

Caroline Lucas: Get a Grip*

UPDATE: Thanks to the beefcake for his alternative, and superior headline suggestion

"Green politician exhibits lack of grip on reality shocker"

So, all the watermelons in their shoes made out of lentils have jumped onto their bikes made out of banana skins and moved into their tents made out of nylon which, er, comes from oil, and are having a good old moan about a company who wants to make sure it's customers can switch the kettle on.

E.On want to demolish an old power station and build a coal fired job which they say is 20% cleaner and if it is built, it will be operational by 2012 and provide energy for 1.5 million homes.

However, the people from the planet hemp have decided that this is not on, and that we should instead be covering the countryside in windmills because otherwise we will all die from unproven AGW.

And these people really do believe that we are going to die soon and we mustn't be allowed to have a regular, secure and efficient supply of energy anymore.

MEP for the South East Caroline Lucas has actually gone as far as saying that new coal fired power stations are a

"crime against humanity"


Actually, I do remember aid workers in Rwanda recounting a story from when they were there during the massacres in 1994. These two minority Tutsis who'd just seen their entire families wiped out were having a chat with them over an expresso in one of the camps and were being asked for their opinion on the whole thing. It's generally considered that the murdering of an estimated 800,000 to 1,000,000 people outside a war does rather fulfill the criteria of a "crime against humanity" like the attacks on the World Trade Centre were.

So Suki was saying how devastated she was at her loss, her friends and family being wiped out but was very keen to mention that she was eternally grateful that during the time of the violence the Hutu militia hadn't done anything seriously bad like build a coal fired power station...

I am seriously very angry that this woman who, I would like to point out, doesn't travel to and from Brussels and Strasbourg on her bicycle, can even have thought that comparing providing electricity to homes in the South East of England is even in the same galaxy as a crime against humanity. Actually, I am sickened by it and I think she should apologise as should everyone at that hippie camp who cheered when she said it.

What kind of world do we live in where these hypocrites can get away with saying such awful things and people just accept it? It's there for anyone to see on the BBC website and anyone wanting to contact Caroline Lucas can do so by e-mailing her at:

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

SATS marks: who is surprised?

So, finally, the SATS marks are out. I could have told people it was going to be a mess. Well, actually I told a couple of education correspondents but they didn't believe me in spite of the fact that Trixy's sister is a teacher who was doing lots of marking. Emphasis mine.

Date: Mon, 26 May 2008 16:51:01 +0100
Subject: Update on test paper allocations for all markers in 2008

Dear Markers,
This update is intended to answer the three main questions that many of you have been asking about your allocations of test papers.

1. Why haven't I received my allocation of test papers yet?
We apologise to those of you in the frustrating position of having completed training and standardisation, only to have not yet received an initial allocation. Please be assured that we are continuing to clear our warehouse of incoming scripts on a daily basis so that we can get these out to you as quickly as possible. We continue to send out new allocations as we receive remaining materials from schools or from markers returning part of their original allocation.

Some of you have contacted us to ask if your name can be prioritised at the top of the list to receive an allocation. While we are unable to respond to these individual requests, we are using the following model to prioritise shipments to markers who are yet to receive an allocation:

1. Marking Programme Leads, including Assistant and Deputy Marking Programme Leads
2. Senior Markers
3. Team Leaders
4. Markers

We realise that receiving materials later than expected will compress your marking window and make it more challenging to finish your allocation in time.
In recognition of this, we will implement an appropriate compensation model for those markers who receive materials late. More information on this will be provided by 31 May.
If you receive materials late and do not think you will be able to mark all of your allocated scripts by the deadline, please return all of the materials from the schools you do not believe you will be able to complete as soon as possible. More information on how to return part of your allocation is provided in the answer to the second question below.
It is possible, albeit unlikely, that despite our best efforts we will not be able to provide all of you with an allocation of papers to mark during this cycle. The compensation model we are currently working on will include allowances for any such markers.
To check the most up-to-date status of your script delivery, log on to and select the ?Delivery tracking' tab.

2. I received too large an allocation to mark in the time remaining?how can I return the papers that I don't want to mark?
If you are concerned you won't be able to finish your allocation in time because you have received a larger allocation than you were expecting, or for other reasons, you need to return these materials to us as quickly as possible to ensure we can get them re-allocated and marked by the deadline.
Please only mark or return complete allocations at the school level. That is, if you are returning materials you won't be able to mark, please return the entire school without marking any of the pupils from that school. Please do not start marking a particular school's papers unless you are confident that you will be able to mark all the papers from that school by the deadline.
To return materials, please contact the marker helpdesk on 0870 1614529 or email and they will arrange a pick-up with UPS.

3. I am interested in marking more papers than I have been allocated. How can I sign up for more?
You can request additional papers directly on our makingamark website: Please note that we cannot guarantee that all who request additional scripts will receive them. When available, these additional scripts will be sent to markers after they successfully complete their second set of benchmark papers.

The MPA team


So, the papers weren't sent out in time, and they knew this back in May. And they have been paid millions by you and I, via the tax payer, to monumentally fuck up this whole process. When the papers did arrive at Trixy Towers it was much later than anticipated, but what with my sister being keen to mark the papers properly, she just re-jigged her diary and enlisted the help of my mother who is of the teacher persuasion also. She didn't ask Trixy, though. No patience or tolerance, apparently.

You could really tell the difference between schools. My mother was commenting on a particularly awful batch when she found out it was the school she used to go to. Changed a bit since then: fewer English names and, with the quick survey we did on ethnic background vs results, it really does seem to make a difference. Inner city schools were in a completely different league to suburban and rural schools in our batch which we were able to compare.

No doubt that is terribly racist of me to say and the Ministry of Truth will be down on me like a tonne of paper clips, but that's what I saw.

I do hope that the government find someone else to mark these exams next year, until we can get back to the 11+, that is.

Monday, August 04, 2008


So there I was, half way up Ben Nevis, sweating quite a bit, hair all over the place, sports bra doing nothing to hide the fact I have great boobs when I finally get some reception on my telephone and find out that I have been voted the most shaggable blogger. Am rather flattered, dear readers, although ignoring the comments of my 'friend' who wondered if it was people who had already...anyway. That's not the point.

Big warm, Chanel scented hugs to everyone who voted, and a catty glare to those who didn't.

I'd just like to answer a question posed by Iain Dale when he wrote:

It does make one wonder how partially sited the electorate were in this competition, doesn't it?

No, it bloody doesn't!
6ft long legs*, eyes like deep swirling bowls of coffee and boobs that defy gravity: speak for yourself!

*I may be exaggerating there slightly


Saturday, August 02, 2008

where to next?

So, there is news of a reshuffle and some are thinking that Dave will be either sacked or demoted.

Personally, I can't see that happening, especially not with the Save Dave campaign now fully up and running.

After all, the Prime Minister (for now) has been hiding away in Suffolk, generally irritating the local press there by not saying anything whilst David has been actually providing the press with a media story. And he has not apologised or admitted that he should have included the name of his boss in the article, whereas Brown has backed David.

So come a reshuffle, any sacking or demotion would be a clear indication that Brown is worried, the statement was a pile of shite and that the Labour party is not hunky dory. It short, it makes him look week and makes David look strong. So I would have thought that David will stay as our beloved Foreign Secretary with his lovely office and special door to the cabinet offices, or maybe get something along the same lines, like Chancellor. But, of course, that would be a clear poisoned challice too...

Brown has wedged himself between a rock and a hard place...

Friday, August 01, 2008

SAVE DAVE CAMPAIGN - Target Spotted!

There's good news and bad news today. The good news is that team “Broon” is unlikely to demote our amour David and is well aware of the threat he poses being so dynamic, clever and cunning. Ignore the briefings from deep within no. 10 attacking the luscious young foreign secretary, concentrate more on that I’d prefer he was deep within…ummmmmmm...[Trixy to Foreign Secretary: "I'm sure you have a HUGE majority Foreign Secretary - you can definitely put a TICK in my ballot box...let me be a SWING voter, all for you sir..."]

Sorry, had to go and have a cold shower, but my main point is that David stands atop the political world like a Colossues, he’s ably holding the fort while Gordon pretends to be interested in safe Tory seats Suffolk. David can swat away Harriet and the other drones like annoying gnats - David's a brave young buck in the Highland Glens, his senses heightened - determined to spring to freedom and away from his loathsome Caledonian oppressor.

For who is it who has issued the statement backing the other? It's not my love, it is none other than the treacherous Mr Brown who knows where the future lies…

Alas, the people of Britain seem keener on the slippery and smoothy coiffed Mr. Cameron, according to a poll by the Daily Telegraph. I'm sure I could do something about that: utter a few words of policy advice, mixed with sweet nothings into his shell like.

Sensible thoughts like energy security rather than unreliable renewable energies, realising the war in Iraq was illegal, is unnecessary and is a contributing faction to poor retention rates in our armed forces and, of course, a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty (aka the European Constitution).

I am sure I can find a way to soften these words which may be hard to hear but are important if I am to continue having the joy of seeing our young hero Dave in the papers and on the TV.

Don't listen to the “comrades”, the Labour MPs who spend more time in Court in their main jobs than they do in parliament. You do what you have to do and the 'Save Dave' Campaign will be victorious!


Yes, it was necessary to edit that splurge by my mad friend who is a republican no matter what they do or say and doesn't let facts get in the way of his arguments...