Via that wicked, mean clown I see that my beloved needs me again.
Not content with casting him aside following his secret, coded gesture to me via the medium of fruit it now appears that they are attacking him for saying that his trip to India was 'a disaster'.
After ruining his chance of the Labour leadership by gurning at the cameras while brandishing a banana, the Foreign Secretary's visit to India last week was labelled a "disaster" by the country's leading politicians.
He was accused of being "aggressive in tone and manner" in a meeting with the Indian Prime Minister and Foreign Minister, and dismissed as a "young man" by senior officials.
Well, as far as Iraq goes, young Dave was right. I am not against the war in Afghanistan insomuch as I think it's legal, but can we win it? It's the modern day Northern Ireland.
And to be frank, when isn't a good time to bash George Bush?
But no, it seems that young David has shown once again that what he needs is the loving care of a woman. Someone who will guide him by the hand, steer him away from sleeping on the floor of mud huts and gently nudging him in the direction of the bridal suite.
Your time will come, my sweet. Once Gordon Brown has gone...