internet dating: chapter 1

I have been delving into the world of internet dating recently, mainly because one of my best friends keeps nagging me to and also to try stop my father organising an arranged marriage between me and a friend of mine who he deems 'suitable'.

So registered with a site and the charming Dizzy helped me fill in my profile, and then waited to see what happened!

Well, without sounding too mean, some odd people happened.

First there was Studmuffin Steve. What were you thinking when you came up with that name? No! Just...no. Next

Started chatting to a cute looking chap who said he liked opera and cultured things. Me too. Lovely. Things were progressing quite nicely until I get:

"Im not after a girl that behaves...lol...mis perfect would be very naughty and hopefully bi-sexual or curious!!! ;-)"

So I write back saying I'm not that interested and I get a reply giving me his msn details. But I'm not interested in a guy who just wants to meet a girl that he can have a threesome with. Why would I be?

Up then came Mr 'over use of exclamation marks' who wrote to me, lord knows how, the following:

"I was killing time in my beach hut retreat when I saw your face shining (it was not! I have a matt complexion, thank you) from the computer screen as the rain was pouring off the shingled rood! What a place of beauty Phuket is and whilst this small tropical storm kept me indoors your beauty extended my holiday wow factor!!!'

He also asked me if I wanted to be on the end of his 'new age shivelry.' No. Or your spelling lessons.

Some girls might like that, but my profile clearly states 'No Lib Dems'.

Up next was Mr Text Speak with his romantic and fully engaged 'how r u?'. I fought the temptation to write back 'able to communicate in full words.'

And last but not least was Mr Confident who sends 'I see long hair is a turn-off for you, great! I've got really short hair (cue glance at photo. Yep, he's bald)...so where shall we start?"
With the delete button, I think.

Also many thanks to the 20 year olds and 50 year olds who can't read and think that I'll be interested in them, and the people who write to me and say they can't put their photo up because of security reasons that are 'entirely genuine, I promise.'

Still, there are some nice people there, so fingers crossed. I may actually meet someone who is not an alcoholic/mentally ill/psychotic/mad with jealousy/prone to cheating/married

Wish me luck!