EXCLUSIVE: Conspiracy or coincidence?

Now, I'm not one for conspiracy theories, since I don't want to ruin my tanned, healthy complexion with unsightly wrinkles, particularly around the Bambi's. However, news reaches me that David Cameron's nearest neighbour on his relaxing Cornish holiday (and by that, I mean the next house round the cliff) is none other than UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

I'm surprised that Dave allowed the situation to happen, given that he thinks Mr Farage is a fruitcake, loony and closet racist. Or perhaps it was actually all planned well in advance and those muttering about how Nigel is nowt but a Tory plant (they do exist, if you would believe it..) are right!

I can't see it myself. For whilst Dave seems more at home posing on a rock like a 21st century mermaid, Farage is out catching sharks...