Quick observation

A reader writes in to point out that

and


were rather similar.

Whilst I'm feeling very tired and fractious, how about those fucking moaning government ministers who allowed the RBS deal to go through give up their pension to lend an example to these bank chiefs?

At least the latter did something good when they were in their positions.

More tasteless quips

Which could have been avoided by not having a relentless media circus, raking in millions for her 'impoverished' children. I think every newspaper who gave her so much money should also donate some to a worthwhile charity and do some good for people who need help. Jade could too, of course, but I don't think she's like that. Could be wrong...


Anyway:

'Just bought the Jade Goody 2009 calendar...fucking rip off: only goes up to April!'

I also hear that she and Patrick Swayze are in a Christmas panto...Oh no they're not!!

Awe, Patrick. I wish he would make a speedy recovery.

More on those Post Offices

One only needs to monitor politics for a few weeks to realise the sheer scale of incompetence and hypocrisy which rains down daily from the hallowed halls of power.

You'd be hard pushed to find an MP who at some point hadn't made you drag out the 'Polly Conundrum', either whilst you were picking your chin up from the floor or scratching your head with that halibut expression gracing your featuresn perplexed over some bizarre utterance.

The question of Post Offices once again leads us into that sacred realm of confusion. Surely they must know the reason by now? Or if they don't, surely someone must have fired them for being so dumb? No?

The laughable contradiction of 'rebel' Labour MPs jumping around over the part privatisation of POL when, only a few months ago, they were foaming mouthed at the prospect of it not happening.

Bless 'em, they might not have realised that when they bulldozed through the Lisbon Treaty in the Commons they were just backing up EU Diktats which their on colleagues on the continent supported.

But they should do. They get double the national average wage and a permanent seat at the scoffing trough and for that I expect them to know what the fuck they are talking about.

Not that our beloved Pravda help much. Cue much falling off chairs when, after three years of trying to get the press to mention the EU Postal Services Directive (mighty Jeff Randall and some guys from the Mail on Sunday excluded), they call up UKIP leader Nigel Farage to talk about it on Newsnight.

And then pull it at the last minute. I can only presume that they felt that they'd been so blinkered and ignorant on the topic for years that to finally admit there was this crucial element in the jigsaw would have made them look foolish.

Public Service Broadcasting? Chance would be a fine thing.

'fes up, Corbett

Princess Diana Mark II

Okay, so I will go as far as saying that lots of young women now going to get their smears is a positive thing. Let's hope they take note of the results, though.

Now I've that all over with I would like to be permitted to make a couple of small points regarding this lavish 'do' in Essex, where Jade shall be Saint of. Tis only right.

The News of the World reports that she has received some very nice gifts so that she can give her children lots of money when she finally leaves this earth. And on that note:

I will be watching my boys from heaven. I've told my family I will be the brightest star.

She's turned to religion, you see. I think they all do. Whatever floats your boat, love. Her wish to be always noticible in the bright sky [I'm trying quite hard not to make observational links between a large, mainly vacuous, ball of gas and Jade Goody] will be greatly assisted by one of those free gifts I dropped into the conversation earlier.
Some kind hearted soul, a dentist I suspect, has provided teeth whitening at the cost of £3000 for her big day. I say that's nice. Originally I thought it would have been a waste to have these shiny, white teeth on a corpse whilst there are people living rough on the streets, including those who might have served their country in the forces, but I see now that I was wrong. This bright spark has, more than any of the others, assisted her in her wish to be visible for a long time.

And if we stick to this rather jolly 'keeping positive' idea we can see that there are lots of benefits to this sad situation. As Fido the Dog points out in the previous comments,

Well said, still at least hubby to be won't have to worry about an expense divorce...

And we won't have to read about it.

Facepalm time

More goings on in the European Parliament today. Vaclav Klaus has stirred controversy by not sticking two fingers up to the people of the EU and consequently has caused outrage. This isn't a joke piece, they do just fail to see the irony:

Klaus, whose country holds the rotating EU presidency, said there was "a great distance", not only in a geographical sense, between citizens and EU representatives...Responding to the speech, parliament's president Hans-Gert Pöttering said Klaus had reflected "the diversity in Europe" but pointed out that "in a democracy it's the view of the majority that counts".

The sheer ignorance it must take to stand up in front of people and say that 'The Majority that counts' when they are debating the Lisbon Treaty on which the only country who voted said NO and the majority hadn't been asked is, well, the level of ignorance we've come to expect from the euroweenies.

But such is the pig headedness and mad, fanatical determination of these people that they cannot comprehend that their actions are the actions of a totalitarian organisation where dissenting opinion is not allowed.

Klaus wants the people to have a say and for saying that he gets this:

Socialist leader Martin Schulz said the Czech president showed he "has no understanding of democracy or the workings of the European institutions".

Schultz has a point. Klaus has not yet worked out that the EU institutions are corrupt and need a large fucking bomb dropped on them as the only way to sort out the endemic slaughter of democracy.

But can you imagine the detachment from reality for Schultz - the man who is already lining up people to be in his cabinet when he is appointed 'elected' President of the Parliament - to say that Klaus is anti democratic by wanting to follow the will of the people?

And chaps, that little reminder once again: Pottering is in the same group as the Tories and Schultz as Labour. And for all you Lib Dems who think that your party is in any way democratic, the leader of the ALDE group is Graham Watson:

..."he fails to appreciate how EU democracy works, nor how the Lisbon treaty would change it for the better."

Watson described Klaus' claim that those who experienced communism value democracy and freedom more highly as "regrettably arrogant" but insisted that many Czechs disagreed with him on the issues.

Speak the unspeakable?

I'm preparing myself for a torrent of abuse after I publish this little piece. But you know what? I'm so sick of it I've got to say something for those cathartic purposes.

Lots of people get cancer.
Lots of people die of cancer.
Lots of people who die of cancer have children.
Lots of people know where Cambridge is.
Lots of people know that East Angular isn't a place but the consequence of being dumb.
Most people who have cancer don't have huge amounts of money.
Very few of those will have made a lot of money at an early age by not doing very much.
Most people who are dying don't get designer wedding dresses, huge weddings in Englefield Green and wall to wall TV and press coverage.
Most people would realise ignoring a letter from your doctor about pre cancerous cells is REALLY FUCKING STUPID AND DANGEROUS.
So why, when Jade Goody did it, does she get all this? I'm fed up of watching it and seeing it in papers.
.
Ladies, go for your smear tests. Yes, they're unpleasant but they can save your life.
Men, give yourself a fondle and check you're okay for lumps and bumps.

Enough of the faux outpourings of grief. I know you've had nothing since Diana, but really. Enough.

Several scones short of a cream tea

Via my lovely friend Obo this lovely little video on that prat Dolly Draper and this online Labour bitch fight.



Still, tis better than seeing Dolly and Prezza fighting it out naked in mud. Unless it was to the death.

The inital rage has passed...

And so it begins:

13 year old dad Alfie Patten has joined 'Fathers for Justice'. He doesn't understand the politics of it but he thinks the spiderman costume is fuckin' brilliant.

Well, at least we can all joke about this absolute condemnation of modern Britain. Please for one minute don't mistake me for a prude. I've a short skirt and fish nets in my closet the same as any Doris or gay. But what kind of mother lets her teenage, underage daughter have her teenage boyfriends sleep over?

Chantelle admitted she and Alfie — who are both being supported by their parents — would be accused of being grossly irresponsible. She said: “We know we made a mistake but I wouldn’t change it now. We will be good loving parents.

“I have started a church course and I am going to do work experience helping other young mums.

“I’ll be a great mum and Alfie will be a great dad.”

No, you won't. You are a child yourself, you know nothing of the world, of responsibility, of budgeting, of time management, you don't have qualifications to get a job and fund this child of yours: in short, you will be fucking awful parents. You might love your daughter but it takes more than that.

As a gesture of kindness I will say that they aren't entirely to blame for as young children we learn our behaviour from those around us. And what a family these two children come from.

I wasn't surprised to learn that they didn't come from the sleepy suburbs, with one or both parents working and still together. No, they come from the benefit estate.

Chantelle’s mum said: “I told her it was lovely to have the baby but I wish it was in different circumstances. We have five children already so it’s a big financial responsibility. But we are a family and will pull together and get through.

When you say 'get through' you're not being entirely honest now, are you Mrs Steadman. Because you, your unemployed husband and your six children live in a house and survive off the money snatched from the hands of those of us who go to work.

I could have had a child by now if I'd wanted, but even if I had I wouldn't have because I can't afford it and I fail to see how it should be funded by someone else who has no choice in the matter.

Alfie's father now plans to give him the 'bird and the bees' talk. 'Better late than never' some might say, but this is a man who has fathered nine children and not all by the same mother. It could be said he knows as much about contraception as I do about over the counter options. I've heard of them but that's about it so I'm really not the right person to teach.

Gordon Brown refused to comment on the specific of the case. David Cameron choked over his cornflakes or something and yet what will they actually do? Will any of them have the balls to say 'enough is enough, we are not paying people to farm babies anymore.'?

I doubt it and so children like Maisie will grow up in a culture of entitlement, thinking that scrounging from the state is acceptable and that responsibility is something other people have to deal with.

Someone told me that it was impossible to slash benefits because 'what about all the people on them?'

I grant you, chavvy clothes shops might suffer but given 'three months to get a job because we're cutting your money' and I bet there are a few more people out there offering to take those unattractive jobs when the government goody van stops delivering.

When kids are having kids and the grandparents are in their early 40s we're regressed back to the Dark Ages and it's time for the government to take drastic action. These kids may have been scared of what their parents would say, but not that much. Because their parents clearly have an attitude which stinks and does not belong in a decent society. They think it's okay to have kids at their age and not worry about how they are going to pay for them. And then their neighbours will see, their friends at school will see: They'll see Chantelle getting a council house and not having to go to work and think 'I can do that too'. To misquote Kate's father from Blackadder II

Why go all the way to London when you can earn a fortune here on your back?

Come on, Westminster. We don't elect you to sit there with your thumbs up your arses: bickering about sex education doesn't work when the real issue is that we are paying people to live the lazy life.

The Nazis handed out medals to pure Aryan families who had lots of children. This government ensure they never have to work again nor worry about a roof over their heads.

On one hand...

We have this story:

on Tuesday he [Geert Wilders] received a letter from the Home Office refusing him entry because his opinions "would threaten community security and therefore public security" in the UK.

Mr Wilders condemned the British Government as "weak and cowardly" and vowed he would make the trip anyway.

And on the other hand, we have this one

AN air ambulance and a doctor have been sent by the Government to bring dangerous Guantanamo suspect Binyam Mohamed back to Britain.

Labour say we have no option but to take him back.

But laying on a private jet stinks.

Will they send a Rolls to the airport?

And as for having no choice, I bet we fucking do. How many of these guys from Guantanamo are actually British citizens and how many live here because we are a nice place for their terrorist bases?

Appeasing a minority because they get mouthy is dangerous. The Labour government have done more to stop cohesion than any other I can think of through their hypocrisy, apparent hatred of things British and a complete disregard for civil liberties and freedom of speech.

I'll bet

Didn't get this one, though. More's the pity.

In the Wilder-ness

A quick word on Geert Wilders. I believe in freedom of speech. The Labour party does not and has thus banned someone from talking about his view point.

An e-mail correspondent phrased it quite nicely when they said, "It's insulting to the Nazis to compare this lot to them."

Okay, so they haven't started rounding people up yet but they are banning freedom of speech. They are supporting thought crimes.

They are a fucking danger to our civil liberties and we can't afford to keep them in power for any longer.

Look at the facts, Lord Ahmed: you are the one inciting violence, not Lord Pearson or Baroness Cox. Or Geert Wilders although that barnet could do some serious damage.

By the way, the law which Jack Boot Smith has used to ban this man from entering the UK is the same law which stops us from banning murderers and rapists from living and working over here. Hands up who is fucking surprised that it's an EU law?

MP's: let's still hang the bastards

Listening to the Today programme can often set me up in a foul mood for the rest of the day. The sheer irritation of listening to stupid MPs, fake charities and bureaucrats prattling on whilst I can only scream frustratedly at my radio - usually with mad, wet hair, scrambling to find clean knickers - enrages me beyond all reason.

This morning was no exception. Some MP has put down an Early Day Motion which seeks to reengage the voters in this country with democracy.

That this House notes that the current electoral arrangement in the UK of allowing only one day to vote is insufficient and can hinder the democratic process; further notes that turnout can be raised substantially by making voting easier or more attractive; applauds the US for its introduction of early voting; further notes that nearly a third of American voters have cast their ballots before election day 2008; urges the Government to introduce early voting procedures in the UK to arouse voter engagement and increase turnout; further notes that those who work irregular and long hours are unfairly disadvantaged by single day voting; further urges the Government to introduce legislation allowing for early voting in the UK with immediate effect; and further notes that this action would benefit the democratic process and provide for greater electoral equality which all political parties should be in favour of.

Well, Linda Riordan, I think you are barking up the wrong fucking tree. Let's happily skip over the fact that you are so unknown in my part of the world (And I am interested in politics; oh what a fucking mountain you have to climb) that you may as well shit in my sandwich every lunchtime, and focus on the issue you raise.

You want more people to vote and fundamentally because, as I understand it, you want them to be engaged in the political system. This I cannot argue with, for I want it too. Although unlike you, I suspect I actually want them to know what they are fucking voting for.

Let's move on to your dulcet tones which, in the absence of a lover, woke me this morning:

I note your use of the words 'main parties' in your rehearsed ramble which, in one stroke, points out that you fail to understand the concept of voters not being represented by three parties. Grasp it quickly, my dear, for they are almost identical. If you forgive me wheeling out that broken record, they have the same views on over 80 per cent of our laws. So you're missing a trick there. I fear it may be one of many.

You were questioned on the cost of extending hours of voting, to which you replied:

"What price democracy?"

What price indeed, madam. It's all pie in the cunting sky to you, though, isn't it. For in the face of every rational argument you and your champagne quaffing (I've been to the parties, bite me trying to get that one argued against) pals firmly fucked the arse of democracy last summer and then asked her to suck it. You know that whole 'Lisbon Treaty' bullshit you told us was a separate document? Well, because we can read we know that it wasn't. What price democracy? Depends on how much it costs to get rid of every single Labour, Lib Dem, Tory, Green, Sinn Fein, DUP, Independent, SNP and other pro EU bastard who ever set foot in the House of Commons.

Because I'm a nice, genteel kind of gal, I'll let folk know about that shameful voting record of yours:

Voting record (from PublicWhip)
How Linda Riordan voted on key issues since 2001:

Has never voted on a transparent Parliament.
Voted very strongly for introducing a smoking ban.
Voted moderately for introducing ID cards.
Voted a mixture of for and against Labour's anti-terrorism laws.
Voted moderately against an investigation into the Iraq war.
Voted very strongly against replacing Trident.
Voted for equal gay rights.
Voted very strongly for laws to stop climate change. votes, speeches

Two fingers up to democracy and civil liberties there, old gal!

Never mind: the BBC will never notice...

EDMs

Scrolling through the Early Day Motions (something has just struck me: Early Day Motions sound a bit...well, scatological) I stumbled across this one:

WIT AT THE BBC

09.02.2009

Pelling, Andrew
That this House notes that some BBC personalities can confuse insults and obscenities with wit.

Quite.

(There's also one by Keith Vaz on Slumdog Millionaire. Someone wants an invitation to a party.)

Rat explosion in UK

So the population of rats in the UK has gone up by a large amount, has it? Lots of rubbish been left out on the street and not collected?

Well, that's hardly fucking news now, is it.

The number of call outs to mouse infestations in 2007/8 - 147,000 - was also up six per cent, according to National Pest Technician Association's annual National Rodent Survey.

The association said the scrapping of weekly bin collections meant more rubbish was now being left outside in bins for longer, attracting more rats.

It identified "poorly secured household waste" as a significant contributory factor to the increase in the rat population, which had been "made worse where alternative weekly collections for entirely commendable waste minimisation purposes" had been scrapped.

When the Landfill Directive was passed, resulting in fortnightly bin collections as councils did not want to pay taxes to the government which then went to the EU, many people were saying that this was unhygienic.

But how could we possibly have a story linked to an EU Directive without a healthy dose of hypocrisy from some of our politicians?

Step forward Caroline Spelman, who has once again decided to ignore what her colleagues get up to across in Brussels and Strasbourg:

Caroline Spelman MP, Shadow Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, said: "Labour's cuts to bin collection, driven by Whitehall bureaucrats, are harming the local environment and public health.

Er, hello?

We do see ourselves as strong advocates for environmental progress and this means, in terms of the waste directives, that you can expect us to strengthen any reduction or recycling targets proposed in new legislation.

This is the lady you can start pointing the finger at, sweetheart:

Incidentally, after this Waste Framework Directive went through which would have seen houses with at least five different bins and people involved in the incineration industry making lots of money, Mrs Jackson was taken to the most expensive restaurant in Strasbourg by lots of people who looked like lobbyists.

Hypocrisy? Check.

potential conflict of interests? check

Media ignoring the real cause of story? check

Good, good. A proper UK politics story.

commercial break

For some amusing political infighting.

Readers will know by now (I hope) that I am a supporter of the UK Independence Party and am none too keen on the loony brigade who seek to ruin it.

Luckily I don't have to spend too much time writing about it because The Common Man seeks to set the record straight when the green ink starts splashing on the walls.

I do get questioned by people who ask me what these so called 'UKIP supporters' hope to achieve, particularly in their hatred and jealousy of Nigel Farage. Well, I can put hand on heart and say that I believe they do not want the best interests for UKIP and instead seek to demolish it by removing their main player. Given the employees of certain MEPs one could argue that their goal lies slightly to the more authoritarian parties (okay, so that's pretty much every party but one and so I should stretch it to 'a couple of MEPs') but at least one can look on these people and laugh at them in all their amusing glory. A circus, if you will.

This particular post had me giggling and I think serves a useful guide for anyone seeking to hold a public meeting.* Look on it as a gift from me to you, via someone else who actually did the work:

Steam enthusiasts barely noticed the untumultuous tea party sized meeting which had gathered to show support for international superstar Robin Page and exchange reasons on why UKIP would be successful if only they were in charge.

Addressing himself to the rows of adulating empty chairs, Mr Page explained at some length how UKIPs leadership had to recognise his fame or face the consequences. "Rules aren't made for people as important and famous as I am", boomed Mr Page before blaming the first two people to spring to mind and invoking the doctrine of Pagal Infallibility.

The burning controversy of the day has proved to be over the mathematical ability of former economist Dr Edmonds. Initially posting attendance on his blog as 45, within hours it had grown to 63, and all this hours after the conference had ended and everybody had gone home...

Do go read the rest.

Robin Page does intrigue me. He is paid by the Daily Mail to slag off UKIP and Farage in particular and calls himself a 'real conservative'**, or some such.

But are The Mail aware of his reported attendance at UKIP meetings (in what I would call rather 'unsavoury' company) at which one could draw the conclusion that he isn't a Tory at all, but just a bitter old man pissed off that he wasn't allowed to break UKIP rules?

I haven't read most of his rantings, I don't have time or the insomnia, but it is reason enough for me to not buy the Mail. Why should I help fund that rubbish? At least when I rant, it doesn't cost anyone.

And I can back it up.

*this may be an exaggeration. I don't know, I wasn't there. I don't hate myself that much.

** Whatever that may be.

Dinner party circuit 2009

I weas reminded why I occasionally do the older single people in London pop-in-for-gin-and-tonics circuit - apart from the fact that I am usually dragged there by a poof - with this superb phrase I heard last night.

There we were, clutching gin and slims in a room filled with lovely art and a small dog compensation for a lack of children, discussing business cards and how people should do personal business cards and personal websites all from one business.

"My friend does that" said a charming lady in a sparkling top. "She's a recovering banker."

Bingo.

Phrase of 2009.

Why you're on the trash desk

I don't think people generally expect unbiased, quality copy from the Daily Mirror but guys, you've surpassed yourself with this effort:

The fact the producers didn't ask him to Leave Right Now as he took his first question was a good start qt any rate (sorry, we couldn't resist) and we particularly like him taking the right wing Farage to task so early in the show.

However, we weren't as impressed when later on he appeared to side with Farrage that the Beeb shouldn't have sacked Carol Thatcher. Don't side with the enemy Will, even if you agree with them!

I should imagine Will Young knows more about politics than a gossip dolly at the Mirror for one.

Secondly, try get the person's name spelt correctly. You managed it once, just copy and paste if you find it tough.

Thirdly, that last comment just shows why you really should be limited to being the newspaper people use to ensure their windows are streak free.

How fucking bitter are you? What a sad, pathetic person it takes to get upset because a pop star agreed with a person whose policies are too complicated for you to get your tiny wee brains around? Liberty is hardly a strong point at the Mirror, not when there's a Labour MP to praise.

Sadly for you young gossip queens, it would appear that young Will has rather more in common with Mr Farage than with you. His son is also doing a politics degree at Exeter after all.

Never mind. I'm sure there's a forthcoming interview with Jade Goody you can fill the pages with to ensure you don't have to get your head around current affairs.

Save Dave in jeopardy

I never did like Hilary.

Look at them, cosying up. There's only so much a woman can take and I'm pretty near the edge on this one.

The campaign may be put on hold until I can establish what is going on. If that's his type it's concerning: that whole going to the hairdresser and asking for a 'US President's Wife' hairstyle is something I don't want to even contemplate let alone inflict on my luscious locks.

To all train companies in the South East

Dear Train Company,

I know the country has become all a bit 1970s what with snow, strikes and an incompetent Labour government, but that's no excuse to completely disintegrate.

We've had Thatcher, you've been privatised and quite frankly I expect better. Yes, there was a fair bit of snow, yes, the roads were quite tricky to navigate. But that was yesterday and today it's fine.

The snow did not rot the tracks, it did not steal the rolling stock and your staff - as rude as ever - are at work.

Why, then, are we subjected to this joke of a service? If you can't get staff to come to work there are a whole load of people unemployed (and quite a few in North Lincolnshire openly looking for work.) How about you sack the ones who used a bit of weather as an excuse and train some new ones up?

Ski resorts manage. Countries all over the world manage. Little old ladies lug their shopping up icy hills in snow boots so I fail to see why you can't run a decent train service between two cities.

Yours etc

Trixy

For those stuck at home

Via Obo this fun bus thing. Just the thing for people trapped at home because of a bit of fucking snow.

BBC bias: they can't help themselves

No wonder Mandelson was smirking on BBC breakfast television as the camera panned away: is that the best the tax payer funded organisation can come up with? Some bimbo with lip gloss who can't understand EU regulation is not the person to hold that hideous man to account: the man, I'd like to point out, who preaches against employing British workers and yet only a few months ago, when he was trade commissioner, was imposing tariff barriers happy as Larry.

You're free trade when it suits you, Peter, and we don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. You are to business what Janet Street Porter is to radio presenting.

Hypocritical cunt.

Pop over here for more.

I'm off to hurl snowballs at politicians.

Taking hospitality a little too far?

So, the Chinese Prime Minister is in London celebrating the New Year and to welcome him to the capital, the Government's 'Green Advisor' - there's a fucking job which can go straight away come the revolution - has decided to copy one of China's most outrageous policies:

COUPLES who have more than two children are being “irresponsible” by creating an unbearable burden on the environment, the government’s green adviser has warned.

Jonathon Porritt, who chairs the government’s Sustainable Development Commission, says curbing population growth through contraception and abortion must be at the heart of policies to fight global warming. He says political leaders and green campaigners should stop dodging the issue of environmental harm caused by an expanding population.

I'm all in favour of stopping baby farming but think that a good way to do that would be to cut child benefits and stop single pregnant women being the number one priority for Local Authorities in the statutorily homeless lists. This definition includes those who don't have a permanent and suitable residence of their own so for example a 16 year old living with her parents. I happen to think that if the choice was putting up and shutting up then maybe the pill would be a better option.

But instead of encouraging people to be responsible by ensuring that people who have children can afford to have them and intend to bring them up properly, they want people to queue up at the abortion clinic.

“I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible. It is the ghost at the table. We have all these big issues that everybody is looking at and then you don’t really hear anyone say the “p” word.”

I think the main thing which needs to go is this pointless sustainability quango which this prime abortion candidate heads up. How much paper do they use? Think of those electricity bills and the Carbon Costs of commuting from their environmentally sustainable mud huts lit by fireflies in the Gobi desert.

Happy Chinese News Year:

The Chinese government refers to it under the official translation of family planning policy.[1] It officially restricts the number of children married urban couples can have to one, although it allows exemptions for several cases, including rural couples, ethnic minorities, and parents who are only children themselves.[2] A spokesperson of the Committee on the One-Child Policy has said that approximately 35.9% of China's population is currently subject to the one-child restriction.

Nice.