Ich bin ein Berliner

Well, not really. But if you have a bucket handy, here is the Berlin Declaration, which I have taken the time to edit for you lovely, and if I may say so, rather attractive folk.

For centuries Europe was an idea, a hope of peace and understanding. This hope is now fulfilled. European unification has made peace and well-being possible for us. It has created a sense of community and overcome obstacles. Every Member has helped to unite Europe and to strengthen democracy and the rule-of-law. We have the love-of-freedom of the peoples of Central and Eastern Europe to thank that today Europe's unnatural partition has at last been superseded. Through European union, we have diverted our counsels from bloody conflicts and painful history. Today, we live together, in a way, which was never possible before.

A fucking bad idea, if you ask me. A customs union which is detrimental to not only those concerned, but to the rest of the world. Whose ruling elite are unelected and unaccountable to the people?

And I am getting rather sick of continually writing that the EU has not kept the peace in Europe for the last 50 years. as I, and many other, have said before, it was NATO, trade, no need to go to war and sheer bloody exhaustion from 6 years of fighting, not to mention the Marshall plan which stopped any more wars happening. The way I see it, forcing countries together and taking away their national identity is far more likely to cause conflict than stop it.

We citizenesses and citizens of the European Union are, to our good fortune, united.

In the European Union, we are developing our common ideals: for us, the individual is the focus. His dignity is indisputable. His rights are inalienable. Women and men are accounted equal. We strive for peace and freedom, for democracy and the rule-of-law, for mutual respect and responsibility, for welfare and security, for tolerance and participation, for justice and solidarity.

This very document shows how little the EU actually cares for democracy, as it is a stepping stone towards the ratification of the EU Constitution which has been rejected by two founding countries of the EU.

And if the individual actually was the focus, wouldn't this be a libertarian system of government, rather that a quivering mound of statism?

We live and work together in the European Union in a unique way. This is expressed in the democratic participation of the Member-States and the European institutions. The European Union is founded upon equality and communal solidarity. In this way, we have made possible a fair balance of interests between the Member-States.

Well, some people are trying to get away with as little work as possible, actually. And lots of countries like, and joined the EU to get state funding from other countries who are better off than they because they embraced free markets. And fair balance of interests? Don't make me laugh. Again, France and the Netherlands haven't had a fair balance of interests because the EU has completely ignored what they decided about the EU. Britain doesn't because for one example, they've just been outvoted over the 'open skies' deal. It's a way of forcing through EU rules and making the EU stronger by cutting down on the power a national government has over the country it is supposed to represent.

In the European Union, we affirm the uniqueness and manifold traditions of its members. Its open borders, and vital multiplicity of languages, cultures and regions, enrich us. There are many goals, which we cannot reach alone, but only together. The European Union, the Member-States and their regions and localities divide the work between them.

Sorry, run that past me again? Taking away democracy and traditions is a way of affirming uniqueness? What about the uniqueness of Trial by Jury and innocent until proven guilty? Of imperial measurements? Of a parliament which makes the laws for the country, rather than a supranational government? Of eroding down traditional counties and replacing them with EU regions? Of a Commom Education Policy which will tell history the way the EU wants it?

We stand before great challenges, which do not stop at national borders. The European Union is our answer to them. Only together can we safeguard our social ideal for the future for the benefit of all the citizenesses and citizens of the European Union. This European model combines economic success and social responsibility. The common market and the euro make us strong. Thus we are able to shape the increasing globalisation of commerce, and ever growing competition in the international markets, according to our concepts of good practice. Europe's riches lie in knowledge and the abilities of people; these are the key to growth, employment and social solidarity.

Economic success? But the EU is declining massively in the global market and the only way it can think of countering it is by protectionism! And the Social Policy takes away the notion of responsibility from the indiviual and makes either the state, or an employer responsible. It erodes values like the instutition of marriage, of discipline. The Euro hasn't exactly made Italy stronger, has it? And countries like Ireland achieved economic success by ignoring the screams from the EU that tax competition was a bad thing. The EU is a bad answer to them. No doubt about it.

Together, we shall fight terrorism and organised crime. In the struggle against the opponents of freedom and citizens' rights, we shall thereby defend these things. Racism and xenophobia must never be given an opportunity again.

So you will counter racism and xenophobia by removing freedom of speech. It's not going to work. And anyway, xenophobia is an irrational fear. Hw can that be a crime? I'm claustrophobic. Am I soon to be locked up for discrimination against lifts? And fighting terrorism? Surely embarkation controls are a good way to start when it comes to combatting terrorism, along with the ability to actually say what is causing these attacks, rather than some book given to countries which tells them what they can and can't say?

We are determined that the world's conflicts shall be peacefully resolved and that people will not bet he victims of war, terrorism or violence. The European Union wishes to promote freedom and development. We wish to drive back poverty, hunger and disease. In this way we wish to take an even more leading role.

Oh dear god. First of all, if you want to combat poverty, then finish the EU and let's all have free trade. It's not a hard policy to comprehend. I am also thinking 'Balkans' and 'Darfur' when I read about the EU trying to stop conflicts. It's having enough trouble trying to get this shitty document signed, how is it going to deal with something as complicated as conflicts caused by faith?

In the politics of energy, and in protecting the climate, we wish to go forward together and do our duty, in order to avoid the global threat of climate-change.

Nuclear power is a good way of securing a reliable energy source. And Climate Change is driven by politicians who want more control and a way of raising more taxes.

The European Union will live on in the future thanks to its openness and the goodwill of its members, at the same time making firm, together, the internal development of the European Union. The European Union will also continue to promote democracy, stability and welfare beyond its borders.

The only way I want the EU to be in the future is an example of how not to do things. Want welfare beyond your borders? Trade with them, then!

As a result of European union, the dream of former generations has become reality. Our history warns us to protect this good fortune for future generations. For this purpose, we must renew the political form of Europe, ever and again, and in timely fashion. Today, therefore, 50 years after the signing of the Treaties of Rome, we have agreed on the objective of placing the European Union on a renewed, common foundation, before the 2009 elections to the European Parliament.

How is poor economic growth, a bad environment for business, no freedom of speech and poor democracy a good future?

For we know that Europe is our common future

It's bloody not. If there's no way of getting out of this hideous institution which will drive Europe into poverty after it's turned it into a quasi soviet then I'm on the next plane out of here. And sod my 'carbon footprint'. The only footprint I'm worried about is the one my fabulous shoes make. Shoes which would be cheaper if we had free trade, of course....