I went into

the newsagents yesterday to cancel my order of Cosmopolitan magazine. "Would you like to take anything else", the newsagent asked me. "Yes," I said. "I'll take menopause magazine."

"Does it come monthly?" the newsagent asked.

"There's no reason why it should do," I said.

(with thanks to Victoria Wood for that one. That, and helping me get through the uncontrollable itching.)