Sudaniband

The Ranting Guttersnipe has our Foriegn Secretary and his meaningless words completely summed up, in my opinion!

At no point will he have used the word fucktard, at no point will he have inserted the phrase despotic hate-filled cuntjunta, at no point will he have told the ambassador to go fuck himself, at no point will he have smacked his fuckwit face into the teak tables with a sledgehammer. Therefore I imagine that the strongest terms have not been used.

I suspect instead they just simpered at each other, and Miliband asked for some help with his alegbra homework...

Lord knows, I'm not one to gossip...

BUT having watched the latest edition of Question Time, I feel I must.

UKIP hadn't been on Question Time for 8 months, whereas in the same time, Peter Hain had been on four times, Ming Campbell four times, the token ethnic lady from the Tories was on again and again, a historian was on 4 times, there were 8 Daily Mail journalists on, and the same faces popping up again and again. The producer on QT said that they were 'booked up until Christmas' but after an angry phone call from the party, a reluctant Jenny Parks, who used to produce a sunday TV programme which UKIP were never invited on, said there was space for Nigel Farage this evening. Interestingly, they had not confirmed the panel for this evening until earlier today.

I hear that the producer refused to speak to him all evening and Dimbleby himself was very off hand, when previously he had been pleasant. I was not the only one to notice the was that Nigel was very much slighted by the BBC in what they clearly wanted to be a party political broadcast by the Labour Party. Why else would they have two Brown supporters on, including the nasty Paul Myners who donates money to the man who robs your old age and of course is a trustee of the Smith Institute.

Sarah Teather is also a moron. Poor girl, she doesn't understand the difference between immigration and work permits. I would pity her if she didn't have a big salary and make laws that people have to abide by. I think there should be tests for voters, but clearly we have to have exams for would be politicians to make sure people like this don't get power.

And how come Tap Dancing Caroline Flint is Minister for Employment when she's only ever worked for political parties, quangos or the unions? Surely it would be better to have someone in that position who was capable of getting a job in the real world? Or is that just me being idealistic?

So, badly done, Question Time. Don't forget who pays the license fee. Keep your political colours at home and at least have the decency to be polite to people who do actually represent a large number of people in this country. You might not think that people who speak common sense should have a voice on the programme but I disagree. And the number of text messages and phone calls I've had about it would also indicate I am not alone....

p.s Alan Duncan - I've seen the views from the parties on the Philips report into state funding and the Tories are all in favour of it.

Glad I'm not a virgin

I had to go for a smear test the other day. Now, I know that's pretty forthcoming of me to say so, but there is a reason behind me just telling you how my life is progressing.

You see, I had to go check because there is a significant chance I could have cancer. Soon, there will be young women who can get vaccinated against the virus which is known to cause cervical cancer, and it astonishes me that there are parents in the world who would not let their daughters have this, for fear it would encourage them to be promiscuous.

I think that is quite simply astonishingly selfish and a clear indication of someone not being a suitable parent.

I am glad I sleep with people every now and again, because if I didn't I may not have found out that there is something quite wrong with me.

So to all those parents out there who are sanctimonious little shits, I say don't condemn your daughter to a greater risk of a horrible disease. Because even thinking you may have that is quite, quite terrifying and also rather painful.

dating advert update

Many thanks to 'Greggy' from Chepstow who got in contact with me. Sorry, but you're not really my type. It's the hair and the old t shirts. I don't really think I'm your type either, though, to be fair. I have a pulse after all...

If only...

Yesterday as I walked to the tube I saw the evening standard boards declaring a headline of 'Brown on the rack.' If only, thought I...

click of the heels to The Spine, ever the artist!

A fool and his money are soon parted

Right, I've been having a little think. From what I can see, two Labour appointed Lords and a Bishop are going to do an inquiry into the finances of the Labour party and should probably report to Harriet Harman as Party Chairman.

Harman of course, does not even have the backing of Gordon Brown over her acceptance of £5000 after her deputy leadership battle and both the Prime Minister and Hilary Benn refused donations from the woman, Janet Kidd

Harman's difficulties were intensified when Gordon Brown revealed that his campaign team refused to take a gift from Kidd on the grounds that she was not known to them.

Benn also rejected a gift from Kidd, acting as an intermediary for Abrahams, after one of his campaign team, Lady Jay, a trustee of Labour's £1,000 club, raised questions about the true source of the donation. Lady Jay would not last night elaborate on her role. Benn's team, as Mr Abrahams confirmed last night, accepted a £5,000 cheque direct from Abrahams.

Now the Labour party receive millions of pounds from the public purse so I find the excuse of Peter Watt, the former party general secretary that 'he did not know it was unlawful to use conduits to prevent true source of a donation being disclosed' frankly, unacceptable.

UKIP put their hands up and admitted they had made a clerical error, and contested the forfeiture of the money to the Electoral Commission because it was disproportionate. It seems nigh on impossible that so many people in the Labour Party, that bloated puss filled boil of evil and regulation, did not know that it was against the law (their law) to keep a donor anonymous, when the law is there to stop foreign and anonymous donors. hmmm.

The panel still has not been announced for Question Time. I can't help but think it's because they can't get a Labour minister on to defend the right fuck up they have made of, well, everything. I suspect we'll get Hazel Blears sitting there with her chipmunk smile saying 'well Gordon didn't know and when he did he was so wonderful' and 'Gordon is great' 'Gordon will fix it' and then, presumably, she'll have to run off to the loo to sort herself out.

The maximum pubishment for the crime which it appears has been committed (s65(4) of PPERA 2000) is a year in jail, for Abrahams and the naughty people at the Labour Party (click of the heels to Mr Wadsworth for that one). The Electoral Commission would only tell me on the phone that they are undertaking an investigation into the affair, but it does appear that Gordon Brown was rather jumping the gun by saying that he's going to pay back the money, because as I pointed out yesterday, it gets forfeited and goes back (ironically) to the Treasury. Not to Mr Abrahams, or all that would happen is that they'd give the money again. The same goes for Harriet "do as I say, not as I do" Harman and her repaying of the £5000. That is a good will gesture to the donor as far as I can tell, and won't affect the decision made by the Electoral Commission or the police. It's like a burglar giving you back your TV and expecting that to be the end of the matter.

OF course, with this biased bunch of pedants they probably will let that be the end of that, and then go ahead with their main aim of trying to bankrupt UKIP by appealing against the judge's ruling from the summer.

We'll wait and see, I suppose.

It's not quite as simple as that

So, the mighty leader Gordon Brown is going to do the right thing by just handing the donations back, is he?

Mr Brown said the money was not lawfully declared
Gordon Brown has said donations to the Labour Party by a property developer through middlemen were "completely unacceptable" and would be repaid.
The prime minister told reporters he had had "no knowledge" of £600,000 of donations from David Abrahams and said they could "not be justified".
"The money was not lawfully declared so it will be returned," he said.

I think I will refer my dear readers to the questions asked by UKIP leader Nigel Farage who, as I'm sure you are aware, is somewhat familiar with the PPRA 2000:

WHO WILL GET THE MONEY BACK, PRIME MINISTER?

Prime Minister Gordon Brown says that the Labour Party will be returning the six hundred thousand pounds it received wrongly from David Abrahams but who will actually get it?asked UKIP leader Nigel Farage today.

Mr Farage said, "Surely the money cannot be returned to Mr Abrahams because he is not the donor of record. Does that mean it all goes back to the jobbing builder, the secretary and the solicitor?

"The Prime Minister is being a little hasty. It may be that the Electoral Commission will declare these donations as impermissible. In that case the money,ironically,would be returned to the Treasury.

"The Electoral Commission chased UKIP pretty hard in trying to get us to cede early four hundred thousand pounds because a donor did not check he was the electoral register.

"But possibly it may be a different ball game when one of the major parties is involved."

It's a fair question. They let the Labour party off over the cash for honours scandal, they let the Tories off over their dining rooms and getting MPs and MEPs to pay for rooms in CCHQ and the Lib Dems seem not to be suffering from their £2m affair, but UKIP get done for a British bookie who even wears a sports jacket. This time, are they actually going to do their job, or do they just like to kick the smallest boy in the playground?

Oh, the shock

Thank goodness there are some MPs in Westminster who have decent values. Today I talk of EU scrutiny committee chairman Michael Connarty who has said that the EU Constitution Reform Treaty is too "ambiguous" and the committee have express concerns that the document places a legal obligation on national parliaments.

As someone who say through the committee meetings on a couple of occasions, I am delighted that they came up with these conclusions. There was quite clearly an obligation on national parliaments which David Miliband said he would get changed, but of course we have since found out from the House of Lords that the text of the Treaty will not be available to Parliament until after Gordon Brown has scuttled off to Lisbon to sign away yet more of our sovereignty without asking the people who have lent him the power.

Yes, 'lent' you the power, you one eyed lying bastard fuckhead. How dare you. You make my blood boil, you and your little sidekick who obviously isn't old enough to understand four syllable words like sovereignty and referendum. Mind you, when all this was being decided upon he was still running around the playground in short trousers hiding from the girls.

And that was with a minority of the population, who also voted for a manifesto which said you would hold a referendum.

It IS going to hand over yet more power to the unelected EU Commission
It IS going to result in the European Court of Justice having a much larger say over our laws, including over these 'red lines' you say you have secured, which may as well have been drawn in sand for all the good they will do.
It IS going to give legal personality to the EU and it IS going to be a self amending treaty, so who knows where it will end.

However, hopefully it IS going to be the downfall of this godforsaken rabble of rabid shites we call the government.

The marriage is over. It's not how I wanted it to be, but once again, the EU has fucked me over. I don't even believe in divorce. I thought I had found the one I wanted to settle down with but now it's all over.

have just been sent this press release

UKIP furious over England so-called defeat*


The UK Independence Party have reacted with outrage to the England soccer team defeat by Croatia; a country not even in the EU.

Long serving Chinese member Mr Xen Aphobia said that news that Portuguese Jose Mourhino was to be the next England manager was in "direct conflict" with Gordon Browns British jobs for British workers promise.

"It is up to the EU to overturn this scandalous result" said Mr Aphobia. "Several EU rules were broken quite blatantly."

"For a start Croatia were at fault for not having any disabled people in their squad whereas England obeyed the rules and played a partially sighted goalkeeper. They were also well short of the correct ratio for ethnic minorities.

"Croatia blatantly discriminated by having no females in their squad while England had an old woman as their manager.

"The match was played in appalling conditions." said Mr Aphobia. "Where is the global warming the EU promised us?"

"And surely the EU Commissioner for Competition will have to take action. Croatia played on a poor, rain affected pitch just last week and England didn't.

"Croatia had more players to pick from while McClaren only has 77, not all of whom were fit, because the Premier League is full of people coming in from all over Europe thanks to the EU open borders policy.

Commenting on the sacking of Steve McClaren Mr Aphobia said, "This again strikes at the heart of EU policy. It must infringe on his Human rights. Surely it has never been an EU rule that not being very good at your job is a reason to be sacked."

"We will be calling for the EU to overturn this result."

Ends

Note

*this is a joke

dum dum de dum!

I'm so excited I just have to tell you all, but I've finally tied the knot...

I know you'll wish me every future happiness.

And send me presents.

Right. Now I am single again I have decided that I should start getting out on the dating scene. So have come up with an advert. If you know anyone who fits the bill that I haven't already dated/shagged/had a disastrous unhappy relationship with an acrimonious break up then please get in touch!

Following disastrous (and I mean disastrous) previous relationships with some of the nastiest men in human existence, there will be a screening process consiting of most of the men I know who are fed up with me picking cunts.

Anyway, here it is:
Cynical, untrustworthy work obsessed bitch seeks guy to give her a run for her money. Must be good looking, clever, rich but not a cunt. Heterosexual preferred, but not essential if he has unlimited tolerance when it comes to shopping and great taste in shoes

From Jessica's Piano, I find the haunting question:

When a flower is picked and the petals are pulled out, can anything revive and return its beauty?

I don't think so. Once it's done it's done, and there's no going back. And nowhere is that more true than in relationships. Once those lies have been discovered, and those stabbing words said, then just move on.

Chances are he's a complete cunt, anyway. If he has a penis it's more than likely.

Dad's Army?

So, a government department have just happened to lose a disc with the details of 25 million people on it, including in millions of cases, their bank details.

The Child Benefit data on them includes name, address, date of birth, National Insurance number and, where relevant, bank details of 25m people.
Chancellor Alistair Darling said there was no evidence the data had fallen into criminal hands - but urged people to monitor their bank accounts.

Except, Mr Darling, that there isn't any evidence for it not falling into criminal hands, because the info has been lost. You don't know where it is, it has been misplaced and is no longer in your possession. Geddit?

All this comes only days after the Chancellor was called to face parliament regarding the Northern Rock situation.

Speaking in the House of Commons, Mr Darling insisted that the government-backed loans given to the bank - currently worth about £24bn - must be repaid - and said that the lending was all guaranteed against "quality assets" including mortgages.

Now, Bank of England is the lender of last resort, but unfortunately even though people say it's independent, it's actually anything but. However, the government have lent the bank an awful lot of tax payers's money and we're not quite sure how we're going to get it back. Cue share prices falling some more.

I think the Treasury must have recently employed a new press officer?

bleugh

Oh, but I am feeling terrible. Just about made it downstairs to do some urgent work (am dedicated to the cause, me)but after that it's straight upstairs to This Morning and my bottle of lucozade.

I don't know which fucker gave this to me but you are off my xmas card list. So you won't be getting pearls of wisdom from me for the next few days, but I am accepting flowers

I went out for lunch the other day with one of my friends and her small daughter, who is one of two children in the world I can actually tolerate.

My regard for her did increase when I was informed that one of her first words was 'shoes'.

She says it on demand too, which is nice. I gave her a clap every time she did to encourage her.

The other child I like is too young to speak at the moment, but I am whispering to her that her daddu should buy her a pony. This doesn't go down too well with the parents...

Liar, cheat and benefit fraud Ashley Mote is out of prison after serving only nine weeks of a pathetic nine month sentence. He's at home under some kind of curfew where he can't go out at night, but seeing as the benefit offices aren't open then he doesn't mind it at all.

Get off yer bike

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Surely that's up to him how he gets off? Lots of people don't like the thought of homosexuals but they'd get (scuse me) banged up if they said something! And how is he breaching the peace? Was he ringing the bell continually? Did he have some cymbals in the wicker basket on the front?

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

So he wasn't in public, then? He was in a room he was paying for? Then what business is it of anyone else? This case should not have even gone to court.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

Then fuck off.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

Surely, given that it was a private room, as a cleaner entering a room to which they have not been invited they must include the possibility that there might be something going on inside?

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

So? Was the bicycle crying out 'no, no, get off me?'

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

I can see why they might be shocked, but what has this got to do with the police? If they'd walked in and found him having sex with a woman would they have done so, or would they have just apologised and left as quickly as possible?

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'.

And?

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

Ah, the excuse for many a person caught shagging someone or something they shouldn't.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Not surprised. Ayr is much nicer. And presumably what he does in his own home is his own business? If the neighbours walk into his house uninvited and catch him having a poo hopefully he won't be arrested?

What bothers me severely is that
1) He might have been doing something odd but not illegal
2) He was in the privacy of his hostel room
3) The cleaners shouldn't have just walked in
4) Now he's on the sex offenders list he's going to have a hard time getting a job, when surely we should be encouraging people to work. I mean, he could have a great time as a postman?

But no. In this country we live in, the state even want to know what's going on in the privacy of your bedroom, and if they don't like it you become a criminal.

It's not an instruction manual, you bunch of cunts.

Finally, some good news

Nasty, hateful puss-filled prick Abu-Hamza can be extradited to the US.

At fucking last. Can we just make sure that the Home Secretary ratifies the decision, please.

Sarko the Shit

Here's what he says in public:

When the people say "no", we cannot say the people are wrong. We must ask why they said "no".

We all know that the French "no" and the Dutch "no" to the European Constitution expressed far more than the rejection of a text, however important that was.

In that "no", there was a cry of anguish, a disappointment that was shared by millions of men and women in Europe who had begun to despair of Europe because they felt it no longer protected them, that it had become indifferent to the problems of their lives, that it was no longer speaking to them.


These "noes" were a disaster. They plunged Europe into the gravest crisis of its history. But this crisis, which could undo Europe, could also be salutary if it led all those who are unfailingly committed to its cause to reflect on the reasons for this disaffection and on the goals of this extraordinary human experiment that no-one had attempted before.

And here is what he says when he thinks he is surrounded by people as devious, dastardly and treacherous as he is:

President of France Nicolas Sarkozy said today in the Conference of Presidents: the French "no" to the Constitution was a catastrophe. He also said that France was just ahead of all the other countries in voting no. It can happen in all member states if they have a referendum - there is a cleavage between people and the governments in the member states. A referendum now would bring Europe in danger he said - there will be no Treaty if we had a referendum in France which would again be followed by a referendum in the UK.

Sarkozy informed that in the first weeks in 2008 France will ratify the Treaty.

And asked about the question on whether the EP could have only one seat he replied, that there will be no movement in the matter of the seat of the European Parliament.

Luckily, there were people in the meeting who aren't.

Possibly more alarming for the Prime Minister, although I can't see many people mentioning it in the mainstream press apart from Bruno Waterfield as perhaps it's a little too complicated for them, is that Sarkozy said that this treaty is not the last change.

"It would be a mistake to think that with the simplified treaty we have sorted everything, we can sleep easy and that no other issues are pending."

See that? We're not just going to have this little tidying up process and then all go on happy ever after. We are going to be a country called Europe. And the deafness which comes from the three main parties on this issue is exactly why I could never vote for the fuckers. The fact that a senior Tory Peer congratulated me on what I was doing and said it was vital to the future of the country (cue massive blushing) leads me to think that I am right not to.

Anyway, Sarko the Shit is planning on using France's presidency in 2008 to get new EU competences, including in defence. That's right. The right for this island to defend ourselves may be handed over to the EU. Well, we already have a Common Foreign and Security Policy and a load of EU embassies which just recreate the work done by our own, until they fold, so why shouldn't we? eh? If that's what the people want. Oh, no. We haven't even been asked. We won't be told either.

"Now we have got to resolve the political issues and to broach them without fear. We have got to debate them without taboos. Budgetary policy, trade policy, monetary policy, industrial policy, taxation, all policies, any policies."

Sarko. No wonder his wife left him. Question has to be, why did she marry the cunt in the first place?