They're never bloody happy

The rather dishy Andrew Porter has written today in the Telegraph about plans to encourage the use of the contraceptive injection or implant rather than the pill. £10 million will be spent on the pilot scheme which hopes to slash the number of teenage pregnancies.

According to the article only 14% of women who ask their GPs for contraception use longer term whereas 35% use the pill. However, more than 75% forget to take their Pill on two consecutive days each month, thus increasing the chance of an unwanted pregnancy.

The DoH has said that if more women opted for longer term contraceptive options then the number of unwanted pregnancies could fall by 73,000. This is beneficial for everyone concerned, including the public purse.

This makes sense to me, but it's only a matter of time before the numbers of people taking longer term contraceptives increases. It's much easier to deal with, you don't have to remember to take a pill every day, and it's not affected by illness. However, it does make one a bit porky. It's all that extra hormone circulating round your body that turns into testosterone I think (that's what my doctor told me) and then the body puts on fat.

Also, my friend was on the injection but because of her surgery being rubbish and her (shock!) having to go to work in the mornings and stay there until the evenings she couldn't get an appointment to have her injection. And they have to be done at certain times of the month. But anyway, her and her partner are delighted with their daughter, who should have been named after me really.

But what really irritated me about this story is the reaction of the anti-choice fanatics who, get this, instead of thinking that taking measures to limit the number of unwanted pregnancies, particularly in teenagers and young women, and therefore the number of hot baths and bottles of gin, are moaning! Yes! Moaning!

They have said that the guidelines would encourage promiscuity and fuel the epidemic of sexually transmitted infections. Some of which cause infertility which would mean fewer abortions but these people never try to see the positives.

I thought that they were against abortions, but now it appears they are against people having sex! How many other things do they want to stop people doing? Fair enough have your opinions, as long as you don't force them on other people (which is why I can't stand the pro life brigade) but saying that effective contraception is a bad thing because people might get it on is just ridiculous. Why don't people just leave each other alone, stop being so judgmental and self-righteous and understand that we all don't want to live by your dull rules, chappie.

A morning giggle...

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
Toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager burst into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles............

And the Lord did say....

come now, Jesus, into the Wilderness and resist such temptations which will erode your mind and corrupt your body. For 40 days must you wander around in a tent-like item of clothing and sandals you have borrowed off a passing Liberal Democrat and think about me and good things. But not bad things.

Oh, but do feel free to pack thee a king sized mars bar and some jaffa cakes.

But Jesus, what ever you do, you must not leave the TV on standby. Nor must ye go into the wilderness without going round the house with a ribbon to check for draughts and buying those large cuddly snake things to go under the door.

And those who are true believers will follow your fine example and will remove a lightbulb from a promient place in the house, like the crazy, so they can Carbon Fast with you. And only then shall they be allowed to enter the Kingdom of Heaven without paying the Congestion Charge.

What next?

*smirks in a smug manner*

a click of the heels to Mr E

How they voted

Here is a list of how the British MEPs voted on the decision to ban patio heaters et al:

In favour of the ban: All LibDems - Attwooll, Bowles, Davies, Duff, Hall herself, of course, Ludford, Lynne, Newton-Dunn, Nicholson of Winterbourn, Wallis and Watson;

16 (out of 28) Tories - Richard Ashworth,John Bowis, Philip Bradbourn, Philip Bushill-Matthews, Giles Chichester, Den Dover, Jonathan Evans, Malcolm Harbour, Caroline Jackson, Sajjad Karim,Edward Macmillan-Scott,John Purvis, Struan Stevenson, David Sumberg, Charles Tannock and Geoffrey Van Orden

16 (out of 19) Labour - Michael Cashman, Richard Corbett, Robert Evans, Glyn Ford, Neena Gill, Richard Howitt, Stephen Hughes, Glennys Kinnock, Linda McAvan, Arlene McCarthy, David Martin, Eluned Morgan, Brian Simpson, Peter Skinner, Catherine Stihler and Glenis Willmott

Greens - Caroline Lucas, Jill Evans and Jean Lambert

Against the ban:

8 out of 10 (all present) UKIP MEPs: Nigel Farage, Derek Clark, Jeffrey Titford, Tom Wise, Mike Nattrass, Gerard Batten, Godfrey Bloom, Roger Knapman

3 out of 28 Tories: Martin Callanan, Nirj Deva and Robert Sturdy

No Lib Dems, Greens or Socialists

Sayeed Kamall of the Tories abstained.

As Booker pointed out yesterday, Richard bloody Ashworth then went and wrote a letter to the Telegraph talking about how patio heaters produced less CO2 than the pointless trip to Strasbourg each month by MEPs, no doubt winning pats on the back by people thinking that that would mean he would vote against the ban. Hypocritical arsehole. Can we have an explanation for that, please?

We were all wrong

A while ago I did a poll to ask you lovely lot who you thought would be the first person to go from the Cabinet. Most people thought it would be Des Browne or all of the bastards, but not one person suspected Peter Hain.

Looking at the big picture, I'm sure we're not all that bothered. At the end of the day, it's still one down...

Although it does mean that we get that awful woman Caroline Flint who, I think, would climb over her dying grandmother to get her name in the papers.

As if you needed more proof

About the fuckers who reside in the European Parliament.

Dan Hannan said that is was only his personal respect for Hans-Gert Poettering
prevented him from comparing a European Parliament move to tighten procedural rules with Hitler's Nazi law of 1933 which suspended parts of the German constitution and gave Hitler total power.

Pottering had been granted powers to overrule MEP tactics designed to 'disrupt' the business of the House but which weren't against the rules and were, in fact, quite clearly permitted by the rules.

German Socialist leader in the European Parliament Martin Schulz condemned Mr Hannan: "It was an insult to Hans-Gert Poettering and to the whole European Parliament.

"The reaction of Joseph Daul showed he is a very honest man. People like Hannan are not only not speaking on behalf of conservatives in Europe - they have no home in the European Parliament. They are entirely isolated.

"(Tory leader) David Cameron should reflect on whether such people so close to right-wing extremists have a place in his Party."

This person gets to vote on legislation which affects your life, and thinks that Joseph Daul is a good bloke, even though he has a very dodgy past with large amounts of money and farmers. He thinks that someone who wants free speech and accountability is a right wing extremist and that Hannan, top of the list in the South East, is isolated.

Someone pressed the button marked 'Ostrich' a long time ago, I think. Fucking arseholes, they make me so angry. They are so intent on this euro nationalism that they think that removing democracy and basic freedoms are perfectly reasonable, nay essential, to quell any opposition.


Graham Watson, leader of the multinational Liberal and Democrat (ALDE)
group, said: "By comparing a vote today in the European Parliament with a vote in the Reichstag in 1933, UK Conservative MEP Daniel Hanna is plumbing new depths in UK-EU relations and in the Tories' approach to democracy in the EU.

"I trust that David Cameron will waste no time in dissociating himself from such an offensive remark."

By saying that he wants some democracy in the EU? An odd idea to you and your fellow Lib Dems I suppose, you hateful man. After all, you are the party who won't support a referendum on the Constitutional Treaty in Westminster even though you promised it in your manifesto.

Fuck you, Toady, you odious, hideous example of human life. Go beg the interpreters for a job when it comes to election time and you don't think you'll get back in. Hitler got the parliament to give him powers so he could arbitrarily decide what was allowed and what wasn't. That fuckface Pottering has been given powers by the European Parliament to allow him to interpret the rules and decide what is allowed and what isn't.

Cunts like Gary Titley, Graham Watson and Schultz should pull their heads out of their fundamental orifices and see what's actually going on, and if they disagree they should do the decent thing and stop taking wages for ruining this country, and then go very, very far away from decent society.

I hate you.

The European Parliament has voted 592 - 26 to ban patio heaters. It was an own initiative report from Fiona Hall, the sandal wearing Lib Dem who decided that people who had the audacity to want to be warm when they went outside should burn in hell, or at least not be able to.

6. Urges the Commission to establish timetables for the withdrawal from the market of all the least energy-efficient items of equipment, appliances and other energy-using products, such as patio heaters;

The report can be found here.

What makes me wonder is that since only 26 people voted against it, who from the UK didn't? We can safely assume that the Greens and Lib Dems voted for it, and Labour. But those figures also mean that Tories voted to ban them as soon as possible. The Commission says they will be drawing up the legislation, so start investing in jumpers. Or, move to a country which isn't run by anti democratic, stalinist morons.

I will have the Roll Call Vote results tomorrow.

Dan Hannan expelled

Daniel Hannan has been expelled from the EPP group in the European Parliament.

Dan was key in highlighting the anti democratic nature of the European Parliament who think than banning debate and free speech is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Mind you, considering the press coverage in the UK on the issue, and the way the BBC heirarchy decided not to film the protest calling for a referendum in the EP (nothing to do with their funding from the Commission I am sure...) one could say that our Westminster village don't think it's too bad.

However, Dan decided to lay his opinions down straight and, quite rightly in my opinion, compared the actions of Hans Gert twatface Pottering to that of Hitler and his 1933 Enabling Act which enabled Adolf Hitler to pass laws without the inconvenience of getting the approval of the Reichstag.

Of course, Dan's colleagues will probably think that he brought it upon himself for actually standing up for the people who elected him to be an MEP as they would rather keep quiet about being sceptical in the EP and carry on claiming their wages and expenses and hope that the people at home don't notice and reelected them.

Dan has been reselected in the South East for 2009...I wonder what the Tories will do about this now?

Nigel Farage, UKIP leader, praised Dan for having courage in his convictions.

IFS = If you're Fucking Stupid?

The Institute for Fiscal Studies has said that Alistair Darling needs to raise taxes by £8bn in the budget to meet the government's limits on national debt and the so-called improvements to public finances.

They say that the tax hike which would be the equivalent of 2p on income tax would be "prudent."

No, it wouldn't be prudent. We are looking at a pretty likely economic downturn and the last thing this government needs to do is contractionary fiscal policy. The British tax payer is already paying far too much tax, and since the threshold for the 40% rate has not increased in years, this has been another tax rise by stealth meaning that more and more people are paying the top rate of tax which works out to be about £700 a year.

In its annual Green Budget, the IFS warned that, if the Chancellor does not change course, public sector net debt will breach the Government's self-imposed ceiling of 40% of GDP in 2009 and reach 41.2% by 2012.

Well, that is the economic convergence criteria for membership of the Euro so I don't mind too much about breaking that.

Mr Darling is planning to stay within his fiscal rules over the next five years by increasing the tax burden to a 24-year high and cutting public spending to an eight-year low as a proportion of GDP, said the Green Budget, produced in collaboration with bankers Morgan Stanley.

This would involve the Government taking 48% of the "proceeds of growth", compared to 45% under Labour so far and 30% under the last Conservative administration.

And people think that this government is in control of the economy! Can someone actually point to something that state control has made better? The NHS is in a pretty dire shape, children are leaving school without the required skills to enter the workplace, we have the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in Europe, a flourishing underclass, prisons full and prisoners let out early to wander the streets....and yet this government has still managed to run up billions of pounds worth of debt.

I would have thought the best thing to do would be to bugger the "golden rule" and get cutting taxes and stop wasting so much public money on shite that will never work. But please, please don't raise taxes any more.

Ladies, ignore the advice of your mothers...

And don't eat everything offered to you for fear of being rude. For this week, it is Salt Awareness Week.
Bad luck, chaps...

h/t Eliab who informs me that I have a mind like the gutter...

A few weeks ago I wrote to all the Secretaries of State asking them which works of art they had borrowed from museums and art galleries. Most of the answers were very dull, but one reply rather amused me:

the Leader is currently in the process of choosing the works she would like from the Government Art Collection.

So, Harriet Harperson is going to choose lots of paintings for her offices. I wonder if we could give her a helping hand? Perhaps something to remind her of the importance of registering donations in time, or mortgaging houses, or a trip to see the bank manager? Or perhaps, one about a Magistrates Court because it rather looks like Horseferry Road will play host to the Electoral Commission vs Ms Harperson over the alleged breaking of the Political Parties, Elections and Referendums Act 2000.

If the EU is good for us, then there won't be any objection to there being an independent Cost Benefit Analysis, as so often requested by UKIP Peer Lord Pearson of Rannoch.

The more, the merrier!

Occasionally I write personal things. I don't often because I like to maintain the view that I am a hard nosed bitch who can deal with most things, even that the country that she loves is going down the crazy.

And I do love this country. I was walking across a royal park today in the most beautiful light. I paused on my favourite spot in London, which was a million miles away from the London social life I occupy of the Ritz, Annabels' and house parties in Chelsea after expensive dinners. Yes, I am lucky enough to be able to partake in those, although who knows why these people invite me because I am not rich.

But this week I have been feeling utterly miserable. It wasn't just because I discovered a nasty event in my life, but because even as I walked across Westminster bridge this evening, as the sunlight was dipping and tinting the Thames a heart wrenching pink...the waves rippling, the light gently kissing the roof tops of such ornate buildings as Somerset House, or the majesty of Canary Wharf and the progression it illustrates.

The people whom I have probably walked passes a million times, but in my London ways never seen as anything other than an inconvenience to me catching my train. Those people with lives and goals just like me, who find the burger wagons smelly and offensive to the majesty that is London. The flocks of people from all over the globe, concentrated in one area we are told is the answer...no matter what your question.

It's money that seems to draw people to London, but if they just look at that majestic city for nothing more than that, they must be the kind of people who only like music if someone else has told them they like it.

The hours I could spend, looking at the ancient glory that is the Tower of London. The history, the pain, the torment that took place to make this country what it should be. What it has been, what I would give my life for it to be, what it must be for democracy in Western Europe to remain. And I feel that, just as this country started the industrial revolution leading to a massive growth in global wealth, and trade, we must do the same with democracy. The Houses of Parliament. Infant in our history and yet the grander of it...the beauty of everything inside, the gold ceilings, the beautiful mock Tudor paintings showing the people who acted in the destiny of our country. The knowing that all one has to do is walk down the corridor to see indications of the history of our democracy.

And yet what is happening? What was it that made the girl who thinks lifting weights is great fun and that kickboxing is a sport everyone should take up for the inevitable attack on their person be so down hearted?

It's this attitude we have in this country to the threat which is almost swallowing us. I have tried to publicise countless events in the European parliament, where MEPs we didn't even elect most of make most of the laws of our country.

Hans Gert Pottering, the EP President, has been granted a legal opinion by a committee of MEPs:

Democracy was pushed to the side today when the President of the European Parliament was awarded sweeping new powers.

German President Hans Gert Pottering requested that he have the right to decide when actions by MEPs were allowed, even if they had not broken the rules.

The move was taken after a group of Euro-MPs, including UKIP and some Tories, protested about the lack of transparency in the parliament and the way the EU had pushed aside any requests for referendums on the Lisbon Constitution.

But pro-Constitution MEPs decided to allow the president to forbid certain members from procedures, including Roll Call Votes to let the public see who had voted for directives, explanations of vote and points of order.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage attacked the decision today, calling it "a monstrous attack on democracy."

"This gives the European Parliament President the powers of dictatorship. It is anti democratic and could prevent the removal of the European Commission the next time there is a huge case of fraud, by the only people allowed to do so.

"The parliament have decided that some MEPs are more worthy than others, and therefore that some voters are more worthy than others.

"Eurosceptic opposition is no longer allowed in Brussels."

Can you imagine this happening in Westminster?

The House of Commons was stunned today when the Speaker, Mick Martin, awarded himself sweeping new powers to stamp out any opposityion to the government.

The Speaker said he feared that he did not take this unprecedented step then opposition parties in the chamber would continue to question and disrupt the government.

"From today I am stamping out ridiculous notions like points of order and motions on procedure he said. I will also stop the outdated practice of having properly supervised votes. We will use the show of hands method and if they prove wrong well it really does not matter" said the Speaker.

"It seems to me said Mr Martin that all these procedures may well have existed for centuries but this is 2008. No longer will I allow Parliament to be delayed by these tactics. They are after all solely used to disrupt the rights of other members or put another way the government."

After this announcement Tory leader David Cameron said he had accepted the job of returning to tv and to run BBC 3.

Vince Cable also resigned to take up a full time post as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing.

Can you imagine such an event being ignored by the British press? and yet the equivalent happened in Brussels and we heard nothing about it.

That's what depressed me. That the president of the European Parliament had been granted dangerous new powers, supported by Labour, Lib Dem and Tory MEPs including holding the commission to account, and it's not considered worthy of telling people

How come not?

Pressed against a wall

The only indedpendent media in Georgia, Imedi, has had its assets frozen by the court.
Badri Patarkatsishvili said:

These actions by the state are clearly improper and probably
illegal. We have appealed this decision. I have been charged with
nothing and found guilty of nothing. This is all part of the
harassment by Mikheil Saakashvili to destroy the opposition and his
political opponents, and enforce his falsified election. I am sure the
international community is watching and noting there is no proper
independent rule of law and how far Georgia is from being a `triumph
of democracy'.

I think everyone of sound mind realises that this is a bad thing. The country has been in a state of emergency since November and the Russian government denies getting involved, but looking at the behaviour of Russia I ask myself how realistic this is. I was in contact with someone who dealt with the electronic terrorism in Estonia, when the interweb went down and I really think that people who aren't concerned by this country may be reading 'The Village with Three Corners' instead of the newspapers...

How come the French got away with it?

Yesterday in the Evening Standard I read Chris Blackhurst's piece on SocGen. He said that the actions by the French Central Bank made a mockery of the claims by Mervyn King that he couldn't do a hush hush quiet job because of EU law.

I had a think, and came to the conclusion that it was just the French not listening to EU law, and the EU not doing much about it because they are more concerned about a financial crisis and they were probably a wee bit out of their depth. And it was the weekend so no one was at work.

But, Northern Rock hasn't actually lost any money yet. And if it did, I would think that it would be nowhere near the amount lost at SocGen by a trader who knew the middle office and the back room and so could cover his tracks. And I think that's something which banks should keep more of an eye on...

As reported in the Independent:

Chief executives of big companies and public sector organisations are coping with their stressful positions by drinking the equivalent of almost three bottles of wine a week, new research shows.

Almost? That's really quite a small amount of alcohol. They can't be having many good lunches and dinners.

Watch this.

Rock and a hard place?

I don't understand why people are attacking the decisions taken over Northern Rock. Yes, I think that it was appalling that because we are in the EU the Commission wouldn't let the Bank of England organise a quiet deal with big banks which would have meant that the run on the bank wouldn't have happened.

The Government has spent no money - repeat, spent no money - on Northern Rock.

When you get a loan from a bank they charge you interest. They make money from you. The Bank of England has extended a loan at a penal rate to Northern Rock. Northern Rock will pay the loan back in full, plus the interest payments, over time. So, like Natwest would benefit from loaning money to someone, the public finances will benefit from this.

The interest rate charged to Northern Rock will be above the market rate.

So when David Cameron was just bawling out Gordon Brown asking him how much the tax payer will be paying for Northern Rock, the Prime Minister wasn't not answering, because it was a question by someone who doesn't seem to understand how loans work. Which is not surprising, given that he probably never needs to get a loan out.

Things are on the up

Consider me amused and respectful of MP Ed Vaizey taking this new herbal viagra on the Wright Stuff today. He said that he had nothing more than a tingle in the hands and that the stiffest thing was his legs after a run the day before. But what made me laugh was the comment from his office:

A spokesman for Mr Vaizey later said: "I'm not sure he'll be available for comment. He's got a very busy night ahead."

I'm sure!