Monday, August 25, 2008

I've been a bit quiet

Trixy has been quiet of late. I've been feeling very down about the whole life thing in general and also, politics is just such a fucking waste of time. The Filthy Smoker summed up how I feel in a paragraph:

Look, dick-head, we work some of the longest hours in Europe. We get told what to eat, how much to drink and where we can smoke. We get filmed from the moment we step out the fucking door. Our working lives are ruled by petty bureacrats, money-grabbing politicians, faceless corporations and thick-headed bosses. Life is a veil of fucking tears culminating in infirmity, loneliness and cancer. Do you think that, just for one day, you could leave us alone?

Except it's not the government I want just to leave me alone, it's the majority of people in the world who I am not friends with.

I do wish that a few years ago, around the time I started working, someone had taken me by the shoulders and said 'Trixy, politics is full of cunts. Don't work in it.'Then I could have done something meaningful with my life, like join the Army. And I do wish people who worked this out before me got in contact and told me.

I'm now with the majority of people in this country: not a member of a political party. It's a shame, I have so much admiration and respect for some of the people in UKIP, like the leader who is incredibly dedicated and selfless. However, like DK, I just couldn't tolerate the actions of a small number of the members whose actions are harming the party a huge amount.

One member has taken to e-mailing my former colleagues in Brussels to ask about my salary, another one has instructed a solicitor to send me letters and is, I have been informed, traveling around branch meetings in the Eastern Region talking about me. I've had people calling me up in the middle of the night threatening me, abusive e-mails and at one point someone calling me up and threatening to break my legs.

UKIP are the only party I would vote for currently and that's because I know at the heart of it there are a few decent, hardworking people who believe in what they are doing. But for my part, I'm too young to continue doing what I was having to do. And if I continue, I will probably turn into a person I don't want to be. Lord knows, I am already an angry cynic who generally finds people utterly disappointing and depressing. I'd much rather be independent, on the outside commenting than in the middle having to justify why I spend so much of my time dealing with crap.

The mouth foaming anger is in me still, but it's not directed at politicians at the moment and it's manifesting itself in uncontrollable, negative thoughts, tears and bouts of extreme depression. When I was traveling up to go skydiving this weekend I actually sent a message to Minge saying 'I actually think things would be a lot easier if the bloody parachute didn't open.'

Going skydiving was one of the best things I could have done: Once I was back in the hanger I though to myself, 'who are these people to treat me like shit? I know what they're trying to do, and they won't get it.'

That's what I'm saying to myself: If I can jump out of a plane at 12000 ft with naught but a large tablecloth in a rucksack on my back then I can cope with lots of things, including bullies.

In the mean time, until I find myself a job I want to do, please feel free to donate to my fund for the next jump.


Mark Wadsworth said...

Ah well. Best of luck with job hunt.

The Great Simpleton said...

having made a major career change for similar reasons - really pissed off with the way I was being treated - I can assure you its a great feeling when your career takes off again.

In the meantime just remeber the old saying Non illegitimis carborundum.

Trixy said...

I hope so! Am still a keen mind under here, with a large capacity for dirt digging!

I shall try not to let them get me down, though