I was kindly tagged by Mark Wadsworth to list the 8 Things I want to happen in 2008. So, here goes:

1. I can pay my tax bill
2. I can pay by tax bill in 2009 because someone teaches Gordon Brown economics and he cuts tax, but better still
3. There is a snap general election and UKIP get elected
4. I find a ballroom dancing/Argentine Tango partner who is tall enough for me
5. I finish learning my Schubert impromptu and learn Chopin's Etude in E
6. My mother decides that 2 cats aren't enough and we must simply get kittens
7. My nose decreases in size
8. People realise what a bunch of arse religion is and stop wasting time, money and lives on it.

I tag Chip Dale, DK, Katy, Mr E and The lady formerly known as Belle du Jure. Ha.

If you want to have a...

oooh, I feel like I've been away for weeks, rather than a few blissful days of doing bugger all. I haven't had the energy to write about serious news stories, because it was the festive season and if I needed to, it was for work.

But one thing did interest me over this yuletide extended drinking session, and I wonder what Polly would make of it? I know she regularly gang-bangs the Swedish model, thinking it everything wonderful (bits of it maybe so, but the price of booze nor the rate of tax is) but what would she make of the seeming combining of their health service and police?

Eh? I hear you utterly, intelligently. Well, let me expand a little. A friend of mine from Sweden informed me that she had some extra curricular activities during a long and winding down relationship with some dull twat. 'We've all been there, honey', I told her, as I tried to remember the name of the chap sitting across the bar and quite how, and how well, I knew him. The chap she had the dalliance with was something of a dish, she tells me, although I suspect this meant that he also got around a bit. In any case, they did the dirty without the mac and wellies and then she gets a call saying she might have Chlamydia and can she come in for a test.

Well, I told her it was nothing to worry about and anyone who was sexually active should have regular check ups down there but she said she went, they wouldn't do the test with urine, so she left. Understandable to be a bit shy of someone poking around the lady vixen parts with a rather large cotton bud but nothing to, excuse the phrase, get ones knickers in a twist over. Anyway, she tells me that she has to keep it quiet because it may have been caught on the sly and boyfriend may get someone peeved about it. Well, serves him right for not being a good enough boyfriend or she wouldn't have needed to look elsewhere, I think.

But apparently, not going along for a test isn't an option. In Sweden, I am informed, if you don't turn up for a test within two months of someone saying they had sex with you and they have the germ, they send the police round to take you to the clinic. At this point, I did slip backwards off the bar stool and check that I hadn't misheard her, but no, I had it right. So if someone gets an STI and says they had unprotected sex with you, even if you didn't, you have to go prove your innocence by having a big stick swished around inside your Mrs Mimzy.

Now, I'm all for people taking precautions and think that men who go round having unprotected sex with people and lying to girls telling them they are all healthy and checked and not sleeping with anyone else should have their dicks chopped off and attached to their foreheads with a big sign round their neck saying 'dirty stinking liar' because women are more likely to get diseases than men. And if anyone is having a deep and meaningful overnight relationship then they should definitely be careful.

But really. Getting taken to a clinic by the police because of what someone else says, over what is your own body is really unbelievable!

I do hope that that doesn't actually happen, because I find it unbelievably scary.

lock up the lags! kick out the..crims!

About 50 million years ago, or so it seemed, I wrote to the Home Office to ask them to tell me how many foreign nationals were being held in British prisons have been released without deportation, and how many of those are from EEA countries.
The other day, I finally received a letter, informing me that to tell me the answer to that would cost too much money, although they don't explain why this is or how they actually calculate it without first doing the work.

I notice today that what they informed me in my letter has also been leaked to the media by some disgruntled prison officers in receipt of a Home Office memo, so being the nice young lady that I am, I will write down the criteria for deporting someone:

Non-EEA nationals:
Recommendation for deportation at the time of receiving sa sentence for crime committed within the UK or;
Received a 12 months custodial sentence for a crime committed within the UK or;
Received a cumulative total of 12 months worth or 2-3 month custodial sentences for crimes committed within the UK over the space of 5 years.

EEA nationals

Recommendation for deportation at the time of receiving sentence for crime committed within the UK or
Received a 24 month custodial sentence for a crime committed within the UK

Note, these are only recommendations for deportation. They then go on to inform me that

Criminal Casework Directorate will not have all foreign national criminals referred to them as colleagues within the Prison Service will only refer individuals that meet the above criteria. Colleagues within the Ministry of Justice hold information on the number of foreign national prisoners released from prison, however this is not broken down into differentiate between those that have been released on parole and those that have then moved into the Border and Immigration Agency detention estate pending their removal.

They also attached a letter sent to Keith Vaz, as Chairman(or 'chair' as he calls it)of the Home Affairs Select Committee on 20th November. I notice that this dastardly Labour MP did not feel the need to inform the public of information such as 127 foreign criminals being lost. Yes, they've LOST THEM.

You see, because of turds like Clive Stafford Smith who seem to think that the well being of terrorists is superior to law abiding British people, although he probably gets paid with legal aid from our taxes, it takes a long time to even decide whether someone is going to be deported. And in this situation, the law says you can't keep them banded up until their hearing is heard so we have to let them go. Weeeee, off they go!

Let's have some more figures, shall we?
There are currently around 1500 FNP whose sentences have expired and are detained in the Agency or Prison Estate and who are awaiting deportation

In July there were 1013 FNPs released without deportation. Now, 631 or the 1013 have had their cases concluded with 261 of these 631 being deported. bye bye! Why aren't the rest of you going, though?

50 of them are still serving a custodial sentence. Fingers crossed they go back as well.

205 individuals are going through the deportation process which takes a long time because their human rights have to be considered.

What about my human rights? Why can't I live in a country with fewer criminals? Why can't we stop foreign criminals coming in? Why do I have to pay for foreign criminals? How long before we get Sangatte III?

We won't give shelter and protection to the Iraqi translators but we won't kick out Polish Paedophiles?
As we well know

Article 27 (2) of 2004/58/EC says:

'Measures taken on grounds of public policy or public security shall comply with the principle of proportionality and shall be based exclusively on the personal conduct of the individual concerned. Previous criminal convictions shall not in themselves constitute grounds for taking such measures (restricting freedom of movement).'

So who is going to mention the elephant in the room? Can we not have a proper debate about this sham that is our immigration policy? I'm sick of listening to people debate something and they as soon as they realise that it's an EU law, act as if they can't do anything about it. Because we can.

Pussy Cat Christmas

A CAT'S CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.

'Must be Santa' thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!

'Wow, the best Christmas ever!'
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

updated video

To the tedious little person who keeps on complaining about my comment re Arlene McCarthy, the reason I haven't published your comments is because you posted crap and won't put your name on, which leads me to believe you are
1) Arlene herself or

2) Work for Arlene and therefore are economically retarded and don't like democracy

And you are a spaz because you think that Arlene McCarthy can actually do something about guns in Britain when even our civil servants don't know how many guns are in the country, and we don't have any border controls to control what comes in and out.

So stop boring me. Unless you write something interesting I will just delete you.

Although do post that one about Arlene and the guns again (not of Navarone, I notice)so we can all have a good laugh.

A little thought for this festive season, from my darling friend Minge:

"Trixy" he writes, "Too often we lose sign of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and slap the twat."

I think we'll all agree that Minge has offered us all sensible advice."

The protest they didn't want you to see

But I don't care what they want as they are anti-democratic and are denying people the opportunity to have their say on their own future.

So here you go!

My favourite comment of the day from Dr Whittaker MEP, following the news that his North West colleague Arlene McCarthy had decided to attack him for not being in Strasbourg but staying in his constituency (and therefore not claiming expenses or polluting the atmosphere like you, Arlene)

"Dear old Arlene. She'll never manage to realise what a waste of space she is".

Well, quite.

My footage of the protest yesterday, which pro statist anti democratic MEPs are trying to use to get MEPs banned from the chamber on the grounds that it bursts their europhile, communist bubble, is on its way to me as we speak. Please watch it, and feel free to use it!

Bye bye, Democracy!

Not that you'd know if you only watched the British media, but the Charter of Fundamental Rights has been signed today in Strasbourg.

The President of the European Parliament, Council and Commission all made sickening speeches in front of mainly fawning/masturbating MEPs and then say down to give the EU yet more rights over countries including the UK.

Now, obviously there were some MEPs in the Chamber who were none too happy about this steamroller of EU law without so much as a by your leave towards the people who pay their fucking wages.

Not that the EU paid any attention to MEPs, mainly UKIP and their Ind Dem colleagues, asking for a referendum for the people. It might be nice, you know. As I learned myself when I was in Strasbourg, political debate is not welcome in the EU and they will lower themselves to whatever needs to be done to ensure the survival of the European SuperState. They blocked the sound out and made sure that the parliament TV did not show any of the protesters. Luckily, the BBC and ITV have footage, as they saw that the European Parliament editors were going to turn they tax payer funded equipment away from the actual event. Let's just wait and see if anyone bothers to put it on our airwaves, shall we, although I wonder whether some pointless 'story' about a football manager is considered more important than the future of our country.

They played Ode To Joy and it was announced as 'colleagues we shall now listen to the European Anthem'. Ramrod straight they stood, MEPs from all over the EU including Britain (yes, I saw you British MEPs - from all three main parties) treat the rather crap piece by Beethoven as if it were a national anthem. And for many, it was.

Gary Titley who recently announced that he wasn't going to stand as an MEP again because of the traveling to Strasbourg, was really rather miffed. The anti democratic, vomit-inducing waste of oxygen decided to let UKIP leader Nigel Farage know exactly how he felt about people wanting a referendum by shoving him and f-ing and blinding at him. Well, I'm going to F and blind back at you Titley, you mop headed, contagiously evil, ugly cunt. I hope you rot in hell, you hideous waste of oxygen. I'd jump straight on this carbon neutral bandwagon if it meant I had a legitimate use of snuffing out polluters like you.

Eliab pointed out to me that TITley's predecessor, Alan Donnelly, also stood down for much the same reasons, although how honest that is is questionable since he is now working for the nuclear industry and doing a damn site more traveling than before, although perhaps for more money?

Someone who also 'did a Titley' was one of the British Conservatives colleagues,Jose Pomes Ruiz , who decided in his wisdom to drag my friend out of the chamber, throw her in a cordoned off area outside the hemicycle and refuse to let her go unless she handed over her footage of the protest. Luckily, she's made of tougher stuff than some Spanish wanker with a chip on his shoulder about democracy (and she didn't want to appear weak next to me who was attacked by 5 people in the European Parliament for protesting!) and I am shortly to receive the YouTube link with the footage of the event, thus sticking two fingers up to the lazy broadcasters who can't be bothered to show it to the British people. Needless to say, it will be on Shoes as soon as I have it.

So, there we go. Charter of Fundamental Rights which, make no mistake, WILL be law in the UK, has been signed by two Portuguese Kilroy lookalikes and a German with no more grasp of democracy than a communist. So it's quite important, and yet you wouldn't know it...

Was having a chat with a former amour of mine and asking him about revenge and his comment brought tears of joy to my eyes...

"Trixy; me teaching you about revenge is like a French aristocrat giving advice to the executioner on how to use the Guillotine."

It made me feel proud of myself.

I am angry. I don't give two fucks whether some Portuguese guy doesn't want to manage the England team. I do care about the fact that 16 members of the EU have signed up to a declaration which will go on the bottom of the treaty.

Just two days before the treaty is to be signed in Lisbon, they have called for the EU flag, anthem and motto to be restored to the discredited document.

They also want to impose the euro currency on all member states and celebrate a “Europe Day”.

Can we all shut the fuck up about how this isn't the Constitution, it is the fucking constitution. In two days time the blasted thing will be signed - before national parliaments get to read it - and I think that perhaps that is more important than a bunch of overpaid men with stupid haircuts and who will make them run around the pitch and do keepy-uppy.

It is, after all, about the future of our country. Or maybe I'm just being sentimental and daft?

Pulling the Punches

Sometimes there is very little need for a comment....

Superdrug today pulled a women's boxing set from sale following complaints from a support group for male domestic violence victims.

The ManKind Initiative said the man-shaped inflatable punch bag encouraged women to hit men.

It wrote to Superdrug's managing director calling for the £9.99 product to be withdrawn.

The Hers Boxing Set comes in pink packaging and contains a man-shaped punch bag and a pair of boxing gloves.

The ManKind Initiative complained that owners were encouraged to insert photos of a man for the punch bag's face.

A picture on the product packaging shows an arrow pointing to a man's groin saying "kick him here".

Mark Brooks, chairman of The ManKind Initiative, said the fact that Superdrug did not sell a similar product for men suggested domestic violence against men was more acceptable.

"As a charity that receives hundreds of calls a year from distressed men suffering from domestic violence, it is disgraceful that a national retailer like Superdrug should be openly selling products encouraging such acts," he said.

Superdrug responded by saying it would pull the boxing sets from its shops and website.

"We apologise if any offence has been caused by selling this product, that was never our intention. We are withdrawing this product immediately," a spokeswoman for the chain said.

Superdrug will offer to donate all profits from previous sales of the Hers Boxing Set to The ManKind Initiative.

The charity says at least one in every three acts of domestic violence are committed against a man.

May I suggest that it was slightly unnecessary to withdraw the product because women essentially get frustrated at men and their many faults and would like to punch them to let out aggression, but actually don't. This kit is a humourous way to let off steam and a joke amongst women who all know how irritating men are. It's not actually encouraging women to go punch men now, is it, because they can do all that on a blow up punch bag!
World's gone mad.

Some conversations with my father

Walking from St James' park to Jermyn Street today, my father and I passed lots of well dressed people all gathered together.

Daddy: "It must be MBE day"

Me: "Yes. Or perhaps a funeral."

Daddy: "Why a funeral?"

Me: "Well, they are all wearing black, sombre clothing"

Daddy: "Oh, I didn't notice that."

Later on, walking up Bond Street

Daddy: "I found an earring yesterday. It looked like a Victorian piece. Lots of expensive looking stones and coloured glass."

Me: "You should show it to me. If it's very lovely, I could get another one made to match."

Daddy: "Yes. Or flog it to a one eared bloke."

Later still, walking down towards Berkeley Square

Daddy: "Who is Stella McCartney?"

Me: "Paul McCartney's daughter."

Daddy: "Well, why does she have a shop just because she's someone's daughter?"

Me: "She's also a fashion designer. Quite a famous one, too.

Daddy: (Glances into, admittedly sparse, window) "Well, she's not going to do very well if she only has one dress to sell."

Defence Minister Baroness Taylor today announced a £35 million major upgrade to the Royal Navy frigate HMS Sutherland. New equipment valued at £18 million will be installed as part of a general overhaul of the ship under a £17 million contract with Babock Marine at their Rosyth dockyard in Scotland.

Hmmm. Lots of money going to Gordon Brown's local shipyard.

Well, we can all rest assured that if Gordon Brown does leave office in the near future, on the basis of being not only utterly incompetent but also incredibly damaging to this country, that he won't be working for the security services.

This is because one of their criteria for working for them is:

Those who wish to overthrow or undermine parliamentary democracy by political, industrial or violent means;

Which, come to think of it, means that no one who agrees with the EU can work for them.
Although I suspect they may consider that UKIP are more threatening than the bastards who are supposed to govern us.

Not only that, but:

Individuals whose reliability is in doubt because:

they may be susceptible to pressure or improper influence;

they have shown dishonesty or lack of integrity;

they have demonstrated behaviour or are subject to personal circumstances which indicate unreliability.

So that rules them out again, then. And some chap on a motorbike, and some chap who works in HMRC...

I have just cut off my incredibly long finger nails (my mother tells me that doing this in the kitchen with the food prep scissors wasn't the most ladylike thing I could have done, but I was in a hurry) so now I can play the piano properly rather than trying with finger stilts.

Ever since I left school and stopped having my piano lessons and concerts and exams and A-Levels to prepare for, I have rather neglected my piano playing.Okay, when I was at uni and then in Brussels it wasn't easy as I didn't have a piano, but now I have a gorgeous boudoir grand, there is no excuse.

So this what I hahve decided to learn properly. And by that, I mean imagining I was preparing for a concert. Which I will never do again, sob! Unless I get drunk and try to play the piano at the Ritz club...

It's enough to make anyone turn to drink

I think that plans to make the drink driving limit even lower are unnecessary and should not be made by people who are driven around by chauffeurs at the expense of the tax payer.

I don't see how having a glass of wine and then driving is so absolutely terrible; personally I find people who drive very badly much worse as they make other people angry. Like people who insist on driving slowly in the middle lane of a motorway. Or any kind of 'traffic calming' measure because it enrages me, rather than calms me.

And as for just randomly stopping people to breathalyse them whether or not there is concern for it:

GO CATCH SOME CRIMINALS!

I presume this is because they have arrest targets and so they think it will be easier to reach those if they can lock someone up for having ane extra portion of sherry trifle at dinner, but I think most of us would prefer the police to catch murders or stop people mugging innocent people in the street.

That is all. Thank you.