If you want to have a...

oooh, I feel like I've been away for weeks, rather than a few blissful days of doing bugger all. I haven't had the energy to write about serious news stories, because it was the festive season and if I needed to, it was for work.

But one thing did interest me over this yuletide extended drinking session, and I wonder what Polly would make of it? I know she regularly gang-bangs the Swedish model, thinking it everything wonderful (bits of it maybe so, but the price of booze nor the rate of tax is) but what would she make of the seeming combining of their health service and police?

Eh? I hear you utterly, intelligently. Well, let me expand a little. A friend of mine from Sweden informed me that she had some extra curricular activities during a long and winding down relationship with some dull twat. 'We've all been there, honey', I told her, as I tried to remember the name of the chap sitting across the bar and quite how, and how well, I knew him. The chap she had the dalliance with was something of a dish, she tells me, although I suspect this meant that he also got around a bit. In any case, they did the dirty without the mac and wellies and then she gets a call saying she might have Chlamydia and can she come in for a test.

Well, I told her it was nothing to worry about and anyone who was sexually active should have regular check ups down there but she said she went, they wouldn't do the test with urine, so she left. Understandable to be a bit shy of someone poking around the lady vixen parts with a rather large cotton bud but nothing to, excuse the phrase, get ones knickers in a twist over. Anyway, she tells me that she has to keep it quiet because it may have been caught on the sly and boyfriend may get someone peeved about it. Well, serves him right for not being a good enough boyfriend or she wouldn't have needed to look elsewhere, I think.

But apparently, not going along for a test isn't an option. In Sweden, I am informed, if you don't turn up for a test within two months of someone saying they had sex with you and they have the germ, they send the police round to take you to the clinic. At this point, I did slip backwards off the bar stool and check that I hadn't misheard her, but no, I had it right. So if someone gets an STI and says they had unprotected sex with you, even if you didn't, you have to go prove your innocence by having a big stick swished around inside your Mrs Mimzy.

Now, I'm all for people taking precautions and think that men who go round having unprotected sex with people and lying to girls telling them they are all healthy and checked and not sleeping with anyone else should have their dicks chopped off and attached to their foreheads with a big sign round their neck saying 'dirty stinking liar' because women are more likely to get diseases than men. And if anyone is having a deep and meaningful overnight relationship then they should definitely be careful.

But really. Getting taken to a clinic by the police because of what someone else says, over what is your own body is really unbelievable!

I do hope that that doesn't actually happen, because I find it unbelievably scary.