Bad taste joke

New cast (pink, natch) makes typing even if it still HURTS GOD DAMN YOU DIZZY! So that us a good thing.

Anyway, I digress. First things first: I have finally managed to get a pub in Westminster to bar Alistair Darling which I am rather proud of. It took a lot of drinking in the local hostelries to achieve my target but I did it, dear readers, for you. And me.

Secondly, I know the reason why the plane crashed in Orpington. Some fools in Kent went on holiday and left their landing light on.

Ithangew.

Positive discrimination is still discrimination

England Expects gives us a run down of the Tory selection for MEP. Lots of women who did not receive the main support from the membership have been put in high on the list because of their possession of a vagina. Nothing more, nothing less.

I would be utterly appalled and humiliated if my job was given to me because I'm a woman. I know that the number 2 on the East Midlands is hardly a bright cookie, nor someone I would ever trust anything with as she is only out for herself, but she will probably become an MEP because of her gender. Do these women have no shame? Are breasts now the be-all and end-all in politics? I hope not. The girl can't even get a bra that's the right size.

Free trade responsible for WW1

A new target for my bile and vitriol is none other than Lord Macleenan of Rogart. Not a fine chap, it has to be said, and one whose grasp of economics is slightly lower than the water level of a Saharan well.

During the 2nd reading of the Lisbon Treaty in the House of Lords yesterday he followed the speech by Lord Willoughby de Broke, a hereditary peer who was voted to remain by all peers, who thinks like I do that free trade is the best way to keep peace between countries and also to alleviate poverty in the developing is free trade. Not that fair trade rubbish which is just another company with a middle man, scraping what they can from the misery of the poor.

I did let out a small exclamation when I heard him say:

If we do not ratify the treaty, we in this country and in the Union at large face the problem of potential impotence. This is not, as the noble Lord, Lord Willoughby de Broke, said, a question of regaining control. It is pure fantasy to suggest that this country has control over climate change and can pursue an immigration policy in the modern world entirely on its own. It is also pure fantasy to think that we can, through our lone voice in the councils of the world, influence trade policy to protect our citizenry without aligning others in support. These notions of self-control are 100 years out of date. They reflect back to the thinking of the pre-First World War Concert of Europe, to which the answer was 1914. When are we going to realise the reality and the limits of British power and the necessity of our country concerting its policies within the legal framework that the Union provides?

Er, hold on. We're the third largest trading nation in the world and became so successful because of our policy of unilaterally lowering barriers to trade. And this peer, this...... Lib Dem (for I can think of no more damning a phrase) thinks that we're better not having our own trade policy and instead having Peter Mandelson represent us as 1/27 of the EU and mainly controlled with maintaining their harmful, damaging and retarded policy of tariffs, dumping and subsidies.

But don't forget now, children. It's people like Lord Willoughby who want the poor to trade themselves out of poverty and who want those who make decisions to be directly accountable to the people that start bloody wars. Because Lord Maclennan said so.

Dull Des

My ears were waging today listening to some MoD staff talking about the NATO conference today. Not many people will be in the UK delegation as 'the miserable bastard' doesn't like English people, I overheard.

Why the countryside is better than a town

1. Ken Livingstone doesn't run it
2. Ken Livingstone wouldn't want to run it
3. Boris Johnson wouldn't be seen as a credible alternative to Ken for running it
4. You get train announcements like this: (with thanks to Minge)

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is Barry your train manager (conductor is presumably too descriptive a word for his job)
We are sorry to have stopped the service here at Lostwithiel. This is a result of suspected sheep on the line. We are investigating this, and hope to be moving shortly.

Note the sheep were suspected.

Why is it Shirley Williams always play the hard done by batty old woman? The other week on Question Time she shrieked about being misquoted when the news arose that she threatened to resign from the Fib Dems if they supported a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. Now she's just been shrieking in the Chamber about it yet again. Methinks the noble Lady doth protest to much!

Raking up old ground

Am looking at all this stuff about the Fawcett report today. Obviously am not writing much what with having a large plaster cast on my arm which keeps hitting different keys and deleting things I've written, but am getting a wee bit irate.

Let's get one thing straight: I hate strip clubs. I do not tolerate boyfriends going there and if they did it would be the old Spanish Archer. Essentially, strip clubs are full of tits in every sense of the word. Yes, women might make a lot of money out of it but that's because they're selling themselves and making themselves a play thing of a man. Not nice and consequently requires larger renumeration. Each to their own.

However, I also don't like women such as Dr Katherine Rake coming up with dodgy reports funded partially by the tax payer (they get money from the Home Office) and sponsored by one of the most incompetent women on the planet.

Women like Jowell, whose complete fuck up over the Olympics is, in my opinion, only set to get worse are an embarrassment to the female species. Dr Rake also thinks it's okay to publish results of reports and then go on BBC radio and acknowledge how her data was of poor quality.

So why publish the results?

I hate strip clubs, but it's my choice whether or not I go in them, associate with people who think that buying women is acceptable or indeed women who chose to take their clothes off for fat, flatulent probably impotent men.* It's not my business to tell someone I don't know that they aren't allowed to go in there, aren't allowed to work there or associate with the workers. Why would it be and so how is it Katherine Rake's?

I can see how working in a male dominated environment might mean your colleagues traipsing off to a titty bar and some women might not like that, but then don't go. And to be quite honest, if you haven't managed the art of wrapping men around your little finger then you're wasting that male dominated opportunity.

I work in a male dominated environment and my colleagues have more chance of being corrupted by me than they have going to do business in a strip club. Not that they would do business in a strip club because it's too loud and they aren't oiks.

70s feminism is, it seems, coming back. Well, I'm not burning my bra, that's for sure. It's agent provocateur.

*I admit, that may be my biased attitude. But it's my blog.

Consider me amused at the story that the Prime Minister got lost at Windsor Castle during the state banquet held in honour of the Puppet President.

Such a shame they found him.

Bar the Bastard!

So, it's hotting up. The campaign to bar our money grabbing, economically illiterate Chancellor from pubs across the country has moved up a notch since the snob started pushing the genius idea.

Now, our brothers in Brussels have shown their support with the MEPs most popular bar in Brussels, O'Farrells, barring him...


But as Nigel Farage commented, these politicians are so dull and out of touch with reality that they probably never go in a pub. Would you want a drink with them? They'd never get the round in, let's face it.

I wouldn't draw the line at Darling, either, but pick up on a UKIP press release from last summer saying any MP who voted for the smoking ban should be barred since they have caused massive problems for the pub trade, because of their small minded, selfish sanctimonious attitude.

Things the govt does wrong No. 1732538

As if student loans weren't enough of a stupid idea which burden young people with debt at a time when just living is expensive enough, the govt have announced that since 1998, 154 prisoners have been allowed to claim financial support from the student loans company. The total comes to £730,000 which of course is a tiny amount compared to what prisoners have spent on them to keep them in porridge and plasma tvs.

It's typical of this government to let such a fuck up happen. If someone's address is HMP Broadmoor surely someone sorting out the loans and grants could work out they won't be paying much towards their board and lodgings...

Where is this shop when you need it?

I am not convinced this was the most deadly thing on sale. Just down the road was a snack bar style outlet which only opened in the evening after much alcohol had been consumed. During this time, the dead man's leg could be seen being heated up and served. During the day, it just sat there getting older and smellier...

Says it all, really

An MP fairly near me decided not to turn up to the vote on the referendum on the Lisbon Treaty despite being a Tory and therefore supposed to be eurosceptic. Numerous contacts have been made to him asking why he did not turn up. Did he, for example, have something else more important to do, such as emergency heart bypass surgery?

However, since none of us live in his constituency we can't get an answer from him and have instead been directed towards his website. I duly clicked on his site to read the words of wisdom, and went to the page titled 'Lisbon Treaty'

Classic.

*in the little box on the right hand side is a PDF offering his explanation which says he is in favour of the Treaty which he is going to vote in favour of the Treaty but didn't want to 'help the government' by voting with them against a referendum

It's a lifestyle choice

Am getting rather enraged listening to the debate on Radio 2 about women and maternity leave. There was a woman on who was surprised when she applied for jobs to find out they didn't want to employ her because she was pregnant. Well, of course they don't. If I needed to employ someone I would hire a guy, as cute as possible, because he's not going to get pregnant and leave me up shit creek without a paddle. They cancelled her interview, which she thought was appalling, but they were just saving both their time as they knew they weren't going to give her a job.

Why would someone, particularly in a small business, hire someone who is then going to stop work for at least a few months? They get trained up then they leave and the employer is stuck in the same place they were, except they now have the bother of maternity leave and pay. Their colleagues then also have to take on extra work with no more pay whilst someone gets paid for fulfilling their lifestyle choice. It's not discrimination, it's sensible business. Hell, if she's that great she won't find it hard to get a job once she's had children and can go back to the world of commerce.

As a woman who doesn't want to have a child, these women who take the piss with their maternity leave and such behaviour tar us all with their brush. An employer doesn't know that I don't want kids and am not going to leave them in the lurch after only a few months, so for that reason they may not employ me, or another young woman. The way I understand it, women can go on mat leave for up to two years and then can inform their employers that they aren't going to come back to work. How is that regulation for good business practice?

Because having kids isn't a right, which is why I don't think people should get handouts from the state for having children. If you want a child then that privilege comes with the responsibility and in my opinion that responsibility is paying for it. These days, everyone chips in with paying for children in the form of taxes for child benefit, council houses for single mothers, state schools, the free at the point of use NHS services and all those transport initiatives other people got but I never did. Hell, my parents had to pay private school fees because the school in my area were so bad.

With this government it's harder and harder for people to be able to fund themselves I know, because the tax burden has risen so much and the state wants you to be reliant on them. But I don't understand how these women can not see the point of view of the employer.

I don't pretend to have the answers but I see this legislation as incredibly damaging to women wanting to get employment. The contract between an employer and an employee should be just that: between them. Politicians, most of whom have never had a real job in their lives (don't forget where this legislation arises from!)should be the last person sticking their honks into this business.

Harsh? Maybe. But it really does annoy me.

Outside the tent pissing in?

We usually expect some form of descent in politics, but from the leader of the party? That's a bit much, surely....

You may be a Taliban if...

Our troops in Afghanistan show they've retained their sense of humour, coming up with the following:

'YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF...'

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your backside with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbour's goat.

Budget Blues

Well, that was so exciting that I actually fell asleep listening to it. The man is quite simply so dull and yet he managed to once again take a further punch to the economy of this country.

Eleven years of stealth taxes. Eleven years of moaning and drivel about how they are going to eradicate child poverty and yet Darling says there are still around half a million children living in poverty. So that means the Labour party have failed, does it? That their policies don't work? Oh no. It means that they need to take yet more of your hard earned money and waste it. Instead of encouraging people to go back to work, through a higher personal allowance for example, they're going to make it even more attractive to have a child and sit around letting hard working tax payers pay for you.

And once again we were robbed with the excuse of trying to save a few mangy polar bears who aren't in trouble anyway, all in the name of 'green'. Watermelon, more like. Green on the outside and deep red on the inside.

And how is the rise in duty on booze going to have any effect on 'binge drinking' when you can still buy eight cans of strong lager in a supermarket for the price of a pint? All that does is harm pubs which are closing at a rate of 4 a day anyway thanks in large part to the smoking ban. Raising the price of drink just makes it more likely that people will stay at home because they will get better value for money and can smoke. Hurrah.

Along with the slipping through of the 'I know we're broke and already wasting far too much money, but spending is going to be £20bn higher in the next four years than I announced in October' we're also going to be having road pricing, and I wonder if the money 'put aside' for funding will be used for Galileo at all?

Still, he does have one thing going for him. He's so dull that people just glaze over and he gets away with it. I went one step further. I fell asleep.

The Chancellor, delivering his Budget, is the only person allowed to imbibe alcohol in the Chamber.

The rest of us, however, need to drink to cope with how much more of our money is being taken and wasted by the government.

More money than sense?

Do you have more money than sense? Are you easily persuaded to believe crack pot theories and political ideas? Do you have no grasp of economics but also a few quid going spare?

Then why not call the BNP nazi ranting'information'hotline.



A snip at £1 a minute. Of course, it will cost more than a minute because as we are mentally retarded we speak quite slowly....

Call us and help fund our nasty party full of socialists, homophobes and racists who think that they should control most every aspect of your life.

Go on! What have you got to lose? Apart from money, time and the inconvenience of trying to stop your ears bleed...

I wish Ashton was dropped

Apparently Jonny Wilkinson was the only one who played badly in Scotland, according to Brian Ashton so he has been dropped for the team playing Ireland on Saturday. He has been replaced by Cipriani who I think should have been playing at Full Back last weekend but there we go.

Am glad I sold my ticket to Twickenham.

And just for the ladies:

understatement of the day

London-based clients of the international prostitution ring at the centre of the FBI investigation into New York governor Eliot Spitzer will be hoping they are not revealed as "Client 6" in the next few days.

I should imagine not.