London decides

It's time for the final countdown cuntdown.



After eight years of being run by one of the nastiest men in British politics, Londoners can set themselves free.

The clock is ticking down...we could have only hours left of Ken as mayor!

You may be a gay woman but you're not a Lesbian

Three people from the island of Lesbos have taken a gay rights group to court. They have something of a problem with gay women being called lesbians and people from Lesbos being called Lesbians.

One of the plaintiffs said today the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.

"My sister can't say she is a Lesbian," says Dimitris Lambrou. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos."

What a to-do. I am envisaging a protest by gay women regarding this. I do see the point of the people of Lesbos. They were there first, as it were, although one could lay some of the blame with Sappho. Gay women could be called 'Sapphos'?

It's a thought.

Shoes are bad

Instead of worshiping me with his body, Mr E has sent me an article about shoes damaging my feet. And your feet.

Look, it’s not your fault. It’s your shoes. Shoes are bad. I don’t just mean stiletto heels, or cowboy boots, or tottering espadrilles, or any of the other fairly obvious foot-torture devices into which we wincingly jam our feet. I mean all shoes. Shoes hurt your feet. They change how you walk. In fact, your feet—your poor, tender, abused, ignored, maligned, misunderstood feet—are getting trounced in a war that’s been raging for roughly a thousand years: the battle of shoes versus feet.

I know shoes are bad for my feet. That's why I'm usually in such pain and have feet which regularly need to go to see the beautician. That's not why I wear pretty shoes.

I wear them because they look hot and they make me look and feel great. Great shoes = great day and, more commonly, great night.

Why Merkel didn't get a Christmas Card?

Dizzy reported that Broon didn't give Mrs Merkel a Christmas card. I wonder if it has anything to do with her comments over the Lisbon Treaty which Brown and his cronies all say is not the Consitution and therefore they don't need to give a referendum.

"The substance of this constitution is the same...that is a fact."

Or maybe it's because she's a vile, hideous harridan who cares for nothing but herself. Just look at the way she reacts in this video.

Much coverage in the Daily Mail about the food price rises and the 10p tax rise but very little about the 9% price hike of the Daily Mail; well above the rate of inflation. Even the RPI.

Back to legitimate expectation

The judge in the judicial review case taken by Stuart Wheeler has withdrawn to reserve judgement at a later debate.

Mr Wheeler is saying that he had "a legitimate expectation" that Gordon Brown would hold a vote on the Lisbon Constitution, what with him promising it in the manifesto he was elected under.

Philip Sales QC, appearing for the Office of the Prime Minister, asked the judge to block Mr Wheeler's application, saying that it was "not properly arguable" and should not go to a full hearing.

Which I think translates to: please don't give them any more coverage, it's terribly bad for the government as people are reminded of what lying scumbags we are.

He said Mr Brown and Foreign Secretary David Miliband denied that any representation had been made amounting to a promise that a referendum would be held prior to the ratification of the Lisbon Treaty.

So they're still sticking to that old chestnut - alone in the world on this opinion of course - that the Lisbon Treaty and the Constitution are not the same thing.

I will be very interested to hear the decision of the judge but won't hold my breath. As we have been told before by a representative of the government, whatever is written in a Labour party manifesto is complete shite and can be ignored at the whim of the government.

Cameron: Polly conundrum

My god, but it's one of those days when I wish we did things in the UK the way they do in Africa. There really are a lot of mistakes walking around Westminster.

But the fact that the leader of the Opposition, the man who in a few years time could be leading this country is either economically and financially retarded or a fucking liar is deeply concerning.

At a Yorkshire Post organised meeting on 17th April in Leeds David Cameron was asked:

Q. Why would you rather be in Europe rather than govern, why don't you want a landslide victory that that policy would give you?

To which he replied:

A. The vast majority of the British people want to stay in the EU. From the very next day our businesses will flounder and be unable to export to the EU.

No, they don't.
No, it won't.

Just. staggering. UNABLE to export to the EU? ARE YOU MAD? Not forgetting that we are their biggest export market, but can you imagine the CEO of Mercedes saying 'Britain aren't in the EU, we must stop exporting to our biggest market'.

And Tories think this man should lead the country? Blimey but when it comes to Trade policy perhaps we are better off with Peter Mandelson.

Why career politicians are bad for Britain

Comments of people like Iain Dale immediately trying to smear UKIP MP Bob Spink show the typical career politician attitude which has plagued our country in recent years.

He says:

Within six months Nigel Farage will rue the day he ever met Bob Spink. As UKIP's only MP (albeit not elected under that banner) he will have delusions of grandeur and believe that he should be the de facto leader of UKIP. He's that kind of man. For Farage he spells trouble with a capital T.

You see, there are some people in politics who do it for conviction, not because they want to appear in front of the cameras.

I read the comment out loud in the pub and Nigel Farage said that these people just don't get it. Small minded is the only word I can really think of.

People like Nigel who are in it for the cause don't start having hissy fits because someone else gets the limelight. It's about achieving the final target, not about how many appearances 'doing the papers' on Andrew Marr you can get, or how big a swing to your opposition you can achieve.

Yes, I understand that Tories have lost yet another MP who basically thinks that Cameron is a cock but really. Champagne corks popping in CCHQ? David Davies didn't seem to think so earlier.

And I'm not going to take criticism from someone who can't even write their own baggage labels.

As for this e-mail Guido has posted...honestly. It's what we anticipated from them to be honest but when you try to make a big deal about someone not telling someone from the opposite side what is going on when things have not been finalised, then really.

Do you tell people about business deals before they're finalised?

(well, I had to go with the gorging style food option)
from the Sunday Times article:

I thought, of course, I was being clever, and no one would ever know, but Pauline realised in the end. The signs in the toilet gave it away

Which rather explains why:

Taxpayers also paid more than £3,000 to clean the apartment, which was previously occupied by John Prescott.

if he couldn't even be bothered to clean the loo up properly after he'd yacked.

silly meme

Mark Wadsworth wants me to take a photo of my messy desk with my desktop on it.

Here you go:


the picture is a Renoir. The desk is fairly tidy for me and includes the required elements for work, such as shoe calendar, hair brush and pink hair straighteners as well as sling and a pair of tights. I now tag:
Happy Harriet Harman
Lady MaCleod
A Very British Dude
Mr E
and Chip Dale

Puking Prescott

It's all very courageous that the former Deputy PM has admitted that he had bulimia, and it might go some way to explaining the £4000 a year food bill at his Admiralty Arch apartment, but I can't help thinking that he was misdiagnosed.

I think he was certainly au fait with the stuffing his face side of things, but not so good on the whole throwing it back up again. 16 1/2 stone is rather heavy and to be honest, the fact that no one realised makes it highly unlikely that he was doing it frequently. I lost loads of weight when I was quite badly bulimic but I was in an office on my own which had a bathroom attached and I was living on my own too. No one knew how often I was being sick, how much time I went in there and didn't see my red, blotchy face and piggy eyes when I came out. Because that's what happens if you are bulimic and you do throw up everything you've eaten.

I just don't see how someone surrounded by people, always at lunches and dinners could manage to get away with such an illness with no-one knowing.

And also the sheer size of him makes me think he wasn't throwing up often, the key point of bulimia, or he would have been smaller. I lost a couple of stone in about a month when I was at my worst, i.e throwing up every meal even if I only ate salad, and anything I may have eaten in between. I could smoke in my office, it was a lot easier back then!

Someone still has a chip on their shoulder

Dr Sean Gabb of the Libertarian Alliance clearly still has a chip on his shoulder because UKIP didn't want him to speak at their North West conference after hearing of some of his views.

Now he's trying to imply that UKIP aren't libertarian because we allowed a debate at our conference. Allowing debate and discussion? surely not!

The United Kingdom Independence Party appears to have pretensions to claiming the libertarian mantle, but at its last conference, it debated the imposition of tariffs and the re-introduction of national service,

The motions were rejected of course, as being in opposition to our manifesto which is in favour of free trade and doesn't say anything about reintroducing national service. For Dr Gabb it seems that allowing debate, one of the central points of libertarianism, makes us not libertarian.

But having heard one of Dr Gabb's hissy fits, he strikes me as the kind of man that doesn't let fact get in the way of his argument.

more hypocrisy from euro nationalists

My favourite MEP Richard Corbett is having a moan because of UKIP and the Irish referendum.

At one level, it is amusing to see UKIP, which frequently makes shrill accusations about "Brussels meddling with Britain", trying to meddle in a referendum campaign in another country.

http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
This from a man who voted against respecting the results of the Irish referendum.

And a man who represents a part of the UK which he doesn't bother to live in. And who wants to see us as part of a federal Europe. And who is, it seems, alleging potential criminal activity by UKIP over funding when the EU are pouring millions of euros lying to the Irish population and when the British embassy themselves are interfering in the Irish referendum.

These people are so hypocritical it makes me sick. Really, Richard, come now. We all know your main problem with referendums on these issues is that the options are 'yes' and 'no' rather than your option of 'yes' and 'yes please' (if they have to have a referendum after all. So inconvenient having to ask the voters isn't it.) but it's called democracy. There is frankly far too little of it in the European Institutions (£10 says you start thinking, 'but the Lisbon Treaty gives greater power to the European Parliament which is directly elected!') but can you please stop grasping at straws trying to find any way of attacking the no side. We're already at a huge financial disadvantage because the EU will channel our tax money into telling us that what we can clearly read is wrong and not what they're up to at all. And they are also of course holding back details on forthcoming legislation which they know will be hugely unpopular. Like the EU army.

Euro fanatics can never win a fair competition. They have to cheat and lie which is why they do. It's like the comments of Jo Leinen after the Dutch said no to the TEC. 'You may have your little celebration tonight but we have 50 ways to win."

Says it all, really.

New blog I like

The Happy Blog of Harriet Harman

She's not too keen on me, alas, but I must say I never realised how kind and geniune and, more importantly, happy the woman is:

In fact, just to prove it. Here are some pictures of me on my 25th anniversary of becoming an MP. I invited all these ethnic minorities to Portcullis House to show how inclusive Labour is and just so they didn't feel like they did not belong, I wore my kente scarf across my jacket. Kente is a type of fabric from Ghana, which as you should know is one of the largest countries in the Caribbean!

This proves my point
QED.

I'm converted.

cheating bastards

The Irish Daily Mail have run a story about the British embassy in Dublin informing the British foreign office about the plans to try to hoodwink the no campaign so they can get their constitution through in Ireland.

And it is a fucking constitution, you malodorous, deceitful pillocks.

The European Commission are, naturally, in on the whole thing, along with spending vast amounts of British tax payers money trying to skew a referendum that we ourselves weren't allowed. You see, the EU told us that after this 'tidying up exercise' there wouldn't be any new treaties for ages (they don't need to, they have an amending clause which neatly bypasses democracy) and that the EU would just get on with saving the planet.

This e-mail however, points out that the date of the Irish referendum really should be around October 'from a procedural point of view' but the risks involved 'were just to great' because Sarkozy wants an EU army.

HEAR THAT? He wants an EU army. But people over here, the politicos who all gang bang the EU social model and the journos who don't seem to report anything outside of Westminster unless it's about a fucking banana (excluding lovely ones who do actually know what they are talking about, and they do exist)just won't take a blind bit of notice.

And then something will happen and a Tory will comment on it and it will be like 'oh my god, look at this, isn't this awful, why didn't we know?!?!'

Because you don't fucking listen.

I am angry about this. Not helped by having copy of said e-mail in vicinity. The big words 'restricted' are looking at me, mocking democracy.

Excuse me whilst I go and scream.

We are used to the BNP coming out with statements which have us crying with laughter at their ignorance, but now I am even laughing at their 'sources' for stories.

Some mentally challenged keyboard warrior on the BNP forum has decided that UKIP are in fact controlled by MI5 and that leader Nigel Farage is too busy making 'a fortune' in Brussels and not doing any work.

His source for this is none other that chief galactic conspiracy theory warrior David Noakes, failed leadership candidate whose wife has left him such were his insane ramblings and who was described by one of the people who would know best as:
"a swivel-eyed loon whose insane conspiracy theories make the rest of us look as mad as a box of frogs... so good riddance. He should really be locked up in a secure unit."

I wonder how Farage is making a fortune on an MEPs salary when he spends so much time and money working and spending so much on building up the party, despite actions of colleauges and staff piqued by jealousy.

Alas by refusing to publish the truth about the EU and how so many of the situations happening in the UK today which stem from EU law, the main stream media are making it much easier for the far left, authoritarian, sexist, fascist, racist, socialist, homophobic morons (the BNP to you and I) to get people to vote for them.

But the editors who desperately want to see David Cameron as the next Prime Minister will close their eyes to the truth. They're rich enough that it doesn't bother them.

Partner needed

Have been learning ball room dancing for some time but finding partner tall enough is now getting me down. So have decided to put notice on here if there are any stray male ballroom dancers around who are at least 6 ft and need a partner then get in touch.

And in the mean time, enjoy:

Another day, another thing for them to ban

And today we can go to the glamorous and slightly smelly orange world of sunbeds.

A 13 year old boy has, you see, been burnt by a sun bed. A sun bed that he went on three times in one day. In a sun bed shop that has coin operated sun beds and is only manned 75% of the time. In Wales.

Salon owner Steven James said he is looking at ways to prevent such an incident happening again but added that the salon was only unstaffed to compete with others in the area.

"I would very much prefer to have someone there all the time," he said.

"We are not operating illegally and if laws were passed to make all salons staffed all of the time it would solve the problem.

That's right! Get regulation involved, that's just what we need!

At least the mother of the boy came out with something sensible to say:

I don't want the place shut down because the man has to earn a living but I expect him to take some responsibility and have it manned.

And then British Association of Dermatologists, said

This sort of horror story is precisely why sunbeds need tighter regulation.

One stupid child who won't listen = more regulation for the rest of us.

I would have thought being horribly burnt would teach him not to do it again. If the rest of us can read and use our noggin, why can't he?

Another reason why I'm going to hell

So the other day I was standing in Parliament square by some chap on a bike who had been hit by a car. Ouch. Cue lots of syringes all over the road and police tape and an air ambulance. It didn't look good.

The BBC sent a camera down to film the helicopter and the lady in question was not too happy about filming a 'porn shot' as she called it. Don't blame her, really. I wonder if the press would have been so interested had it not been an MP who accidentally knocked the cyclist off his bike. And it was an accident and it's another reason why I wouldn't cycle around central London.

So yesterday I asked a policeman by the gate where it happened if the chap was on the mend and he's critical but stable, so he should be okay. I hope MP in question is okay too because I can imagine he's having a pretty rough time and feeling terrible.

But a thought did cross my mind and that is that it should be a while before we once again hear the sanctimonious cries from rich Tories who can afford to live in the centre of London, unlike the rest of us, telling us all we should be cycling to work instead of driving.

I look for the rainbow.

Looks like Rowan Williams already has his way

I think the driving laws in this country are ridiculous. I think most of them are simply revenue raising exercises and the police should be out catching criminals rather than hiding behind bushes with speed guns.

I would also take pleasure in personally blowing up every kind of 'traffic calming' measure like speed bumps and pointlessly blocking off one lane of a road. It also stinks of hypocrisy when all we hear about is 'climate change' and yet these measures contribute to congestion and damage cars.

However, what makes me more annoyed about traffic laws is when some bigamous, hypocritical knobhead doesn't have to abide by them.

Mohammed Anwar said a ban would make it difficult to commute between his two wives and fulfill his matrimonial duties.

His lawyer told a Scottish court the Muslim restaurant owner has one wife in Motherwell and another in Glasgow - he is allowed up to four under his religion - and sleeps with them on alternate nights.

But bigamy is illegal in this country, so like benefits it's now one law for them and another for us?

He can drive at 64mph in a 30 but I can't because I'm not married to numerous people?

I can't imagine decisions like this make it very easy for law abiding Muslims in this country who are governed by the laws of this land and don't take the piss. People get rather agitated by what they see as unfair and could tar all Muslims with the same brush.

It has to be one law for everyone, regardless of religion, gender, race or shoe size.

Olympic bias?

Much was made of the former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq being knocked over for taking part in the Olympic torch parade. I wonder why she was taking part in it at all as she's not an athlete. She's not even a Blue Peter presenter anymore.

Then I remembered something:

The BBC has warned Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq about political bias after she took part in a press conference with London mayor Ken Livingstone.

She appeared at an event to promote cycling despite the corporation telling her agent she should not take part.

And then something else from the Sunday Times:

The campaign for London mayor has gone national. Gordon Brown has sent in Tessa Jowell to revive Ken Livingstone’s reelection fight, and David Cameron has ordered every Tory MP to canvass for Boris Johnson...

Meanwhile, the mayor, who won his first term in 2000 as an independent and had a tense relationship with Tony Blair, has submitted to curbs on his autonomy. He has surrendered powers to Jowell, with whom he worked on London’s successful bid to stage the 2012 Olympics.

Under the informal arrangement, she will mobilise Labour’s MPs and officials to campaign for Livingstone and will also play a part in fundraising.

Tessa Jowell who is also the Minister for the Olympics.

I wonder if someone had a word and tried to get the little Ken supporter a nice role which would raise her profile and also help Ken, Tessa and the Labour party quite nicely.

silvertongue

Naughty Nazi romper Max Mosley might be regretting his nickname which was, until recently, a compliment on his exceptional legal skills and ability to talk anyone round to anything. I seem to recall being told that he was called to the bar at 21.

No doubt these skills came in quite handy when persuading women of easy virtue to play the well known game of 'hide the gas canister' or whatever it was. Whether it does actually extend to other tongue related activities. Although he does appear to be a cunning linguist...

Bad taste joke

New cast (pink, natch) makes typing even if it still HURTS GOD DAMN YOU DIZZY! So that us a good thing.

Anyway, I digress. First things first: I have finally managed to get a pub in Westminster to bar Alistair Darling which I am rather proud of. It took a lot of drinking in the local hostelries to achieve my target but I did it, dear readers, for you. And me.

Secondly, I know the reason why the plane crashed in Orpington. Some fools in Kent went on holiday and left their landing light on.

Ithangew.

Positive discrimination is still discrimination

England Expects gives us a run down of the Tory selection for MEP. Lots of women who did not receive the main support from the membership have been put in high on the list because of their possession of a vagina. Nothing more, nothing less.

I would be utterly appalled and humiliated if my job was given to me because I'm a woman. I know that the number 2 on the East Midlands is hardly a bright cookie, nor someone I would ever trust anything with as she is only out for herself, but she will probably become an MEP because of her gender. Do these women have no shame? Are breasts now the be-all and end-all in politics? I hope not. The girl can't even get a bra that's the right size.

Free trade responsible for WW1

A new target for my bile and vitriol is none other than Lord Macleenan of Rogart. Not a fine chap, it has to be said, and one whose grasp of economics is slightly lower than the water level of a Saharan well.

During the 2nd reading of the Lisbon Treaty in the House of Lords yesterday he followed the speech by Lord Willoughby de Broke, a hereditary peer who was voted to remain by all peers, who thinks like I do that free trade is the best way to keep peace between countries and also to alleviate poverty in the developing is free trade. Not that fair trade rubbish which is just another company with a middle man, scraping what they can from the misery of the poor.

I did let out a small exclamation when I heard him say:

If we do not ratify the treaty, we in this country and in the Union at large face the problem of potential impotence. This is not, as the noble Lord, Lord Willoughby de Broke, said, a question of regaining control. It is pure fantasy to suggest that this country has control over climate change and can pursue an immigration policy in the modern world entirely on its own. It is also pure fantasy to think that we can, through our lone voice in the councils of the world, influence trade policy to protect our citizenry without aligning others in support. These notions of self-control are 100 years out of date. They reflect back to the thinking of the pre-First World War Concert of Europe, to which the answer was 1914. When are we going to realise the reality and the limits of British power and the necessity of our country concerting its policies within the legal framework that the Union provides?

Er, hold on. We're the third largest trading nation in the world and became so successful because of our policy of unilaterally lowering barriers to trade. And this peer, this...... Lib Dem (for I can think of no more damning a phrase) thinks that we're better not having our own trade policy and instead having Peter Mandelson represent us as 1/27 of the EU and mainly controlled with maintaining their harmful, damaging and retarded policy of tariffs, dumping and subsidies.

But don't forget now, children. It's people like Lord Willoughby who want the poor to trade themselves out of poverty and who want those who make decisions to be directly accountable to the people that start bloody wars. Because Lord Maclennan said so.

Dull Des

My ears were waging today listening to some MoD staff talking about the NATO conference today. Not many people will be in the UK delegation as 'the miserable bastard' doesn't like English people, I overheard.

Why the countryside is better than a town

1. Ken Livingstone doesn't run it
2. Ken Livingstone wouldn't want to run it
3. Boris Johnson wouldn't be seen as a credible alternative to Ken for running it
4. You get train announcements like this: (with thanks to Minge)

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is Barry your train manager (conductor is presumably too descriptive a word for his job)
We are sorry to have stopped the service here at Lostwithiel. This is a result of suspected sheep on the line. We are investigating this, and hope to be moving shortly.

Note the sheep were suspected.

Why is it Shirley Williams always play the hard done by batty old woman? The other week on Question Time she shrieked about being misquoted when the news arose that she threatened to resign from the Fib Dems if they supported a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. Now she's just been shrieking in the Chamber about it yet again. Methinks the noble Lady doth protest to much!