It's Party Time!

So, as the country is gripped by really rather chilly weather and the roads and pavements where I live are still covered in snow and ice, an e-mail arrives in my inbox inviting me to a lovely party. Oooh, goody. I love a good party.

Only downside is that it's from a Green company They want to tell us all (mainly environment correspondents) how in 2010 we've all got to sell being green in a cuddly way rather than the whole polar bear falling from the sky scenario. Obviously, given that they are lots of money (Trixy is a friend of philanthropy) there will be buckets of champagne. We'll be able to sit around doing cock all, wallowing in the stuff.

Have had request of things I'm not allowed to talk about from the person who invited me, though:

European Union (hatred of)

The Environment (generally)

Man made climate change (specifically)

Hair shirts/tie-dyed t-shirts (our avoidance of)

Tambourines

Hunting with hounds

Melanie Phillips (our love of)

Nick Clegg/Jean Lambert/Caroline Lucas (our hatred of)

Lord Lawson / Lord Monkton

Capital/corporal punishment/birching for shoplifters etc.

Gosh. That doesn't leave much to talk about. Have managed to come up with a list of suitable conversation topics which shouldn't upset the greenie-weenies and thus will keep the booze flowing.

The Guardian: is it ever wrong?

Toe nails: can they ever be too long?

Finger nails: can they ever be too dirty?

Should society welcome the opportunity of a separate course for humous at dinner parties?

Cheesecloth: how many items of clothing should one own?

Did socks with sandals ever go out of fashion?

Pop music: is it bad for the environment?

Pop socks: are they bad for the environment?

Nigel Farage: he's wicked but wouldn't it be such a thrill to shag him?!?

All this has come on the day when the papers have reported that the BBC are finally going to look into their reporting of science, specifically 'climate change'. Which is good but will presumably not make these people happy because they've received a handy chunk from them.

People have been asking what the 'we're all going to die unless we cycle everywhere' brigade have been during this rather brisk weather and what their angle is on it all. I've discovered that when it's cold like this, they're sitting in their offices sending e-mails saying that:

people should realise there is a difference between weather and climate

Yet, of course, when it bloody pours with rain in the summer, it's because of man made climate change. It must be nice to make your money from just making shit up to fit in with what's happening.