Fashion police

I had a little rant to myself the other morning when I heard that the Energy Saving Trust (save your own energy: shut the fuck up) wanted to ban patio heaters and were telling people to 'wear jumpers' instead.

Look, sunshine, you and your other little fascist bastards wanted to ban smoking in public places, so now us smokers go outside. I, personally, choose a place outside near a group of people who hate smoke. Don't like it? Fuck off inside, because I sure as hell can't. And I dare not stop smoking in case the NHS runs out of money.

So of course we have more patio heaters now because there are more people sitting outside now who need warming up. But whose fault is that? It's the people who wanted a smoking ban, that's who. So shove that in your pipe and smoke it, you little Hitler, you, Philip Sellwood.

You want to put on a jumper? You put on a sodding jumper. These bastards tell me how long I can work for, what I can do at work, they're trying to tell me what to eat, trying to lock people up for having the nerve to voice opinions,now they tell me I can't smoke, but more importantly, they are now trying to dicate fashion.

I suspect that Ol' Trix can manage perfectly well without being told by

a man with a hair style based on a loo brush and the complexion of a clumsy bee keeper how she should look.

In the words of the Devil himself, in a piece of linguistic genius:

you are a shit-stain on the trousers of the world.