Some irony for a rainy Wednesday

The little pink shoes were a little damp this morning, but surprisingly easy to drive in.

I was down my local hostelry Monday night, having a chat about how utterly pointless and stupid the EU was, and we got to talking about some of the laws which are never going to work, and which are so harmful to businesses, you start to wonder what the point of the EU is.

Firstly, the Working Time Directive. Now, I don't know where these bureaucrats get off telling people how long they can work for, but they do. Personally, I believe such retarded, union-led laws lead to unproductive, inefficient companies and in particular damage SMEs which are the backbone of the economy. Stop these companies from running properly and you are well on your way to fucking up an economy. But the small point of humour in this monstrosity of a document was the number of working hours it took to write and study. We voted on it, of course, in Strasbourg. But before that it went through various committees. My colleague who worked on the document spent many early mornings and late evenings trying to get amendments and voting lists done, many more hours than the maximum of 35 stipulated in the document.

And Strasbourg! My goodness, when I think of the late nights and early mornings there, because some desperate wannabe has stayed up all night submitting split votes and separate votes to gauge the general opinion of the parliament over the most suitable punctuation mark to use in an article, and they only want us to work how many hours? Thirty-five a week maximum? But I had to work 12 hours a day in strasbourg just to get the work done, and there are 4 days. 3*12 is 36, for fucks sake! This means that according to its own laws, the parliament has to shut down and members of staff can't prepare the voting lists for thursday. Actually, I'm all for that. Less crap being passed will be better for everyone.

Especially financial services. I was sent an article yesterday outlining a new form of crackpottery whereby to combat terrorist financing, financial institutions have to have and keep a record of the names of everyone who transfers money from one account to another. Have fun watching your banking costs rise, and your interest on savings fall, whilst terrorists simply find another way of transfering money.

Are you trying to make the countries of Europe the laughing stock of the world? Well, are you? Because you're going the right way about it, I can tell you.

Bring on the 7th!

I finished reading Harry Potter and the half-blood prince yesterday. What a book! The trouble with Harry Potter is, though, that we wait 2 years for a new book and then finish it in 2 days. I'm waiting for the next one with baited breath and how long until it is published? So in the mean time, I have decided to combine Harry Potter characters with some of the colourful characters in the European Union. I'm not saying they are identical comparisons as we all know, just because someone is pro a political union breaking down thousands of years of culture in Europe, it doesn't mean they are murderers. Where am I going with this, I hear you ask? Not sure, but it has to be better than the Harry Potter porn flicks my darling moist friend and I were coming up with last night. Harry Potter and the enormous orgasm may not be that much of a seller, even if it does involve a threesome between Ron, Hermione and Harry and (GBF’s choice) a Slytherin sandwich....

Obviously, the character of Harry Potter has to be taken by Nigel Farage: fighting evil (the EU) no matter what personal risks he puts himself in the way of. He's also very nifty on a broomstick, I hear. Wise Dumbledore will have to be Roger Knapman. Quiet, calm and full of good ideas, with the ability to mobilise the troops when required. Roger Helmer is going to take the role of Cornelius Fudge who means well, but gets things wrong quite often (like being a Tory and joining the EPP, thinking Eurosceptics will have some say...dur). Hagrid is going to be played by our dear farmer and animal lover, Neil Parish..lovely country bumpkin and not the sharpest ear of corn in the field? Hermione has to be played by the wonderful and clever Theresa Villiers. She's a sharp cookie, and just because she isn't an all-out rebel, doesn't mean she's not fighting for the cause.

In the red corner we have Neil Kinnock as Lord Voldemort. I'm thinking African fisheries policies, trade deals where LDCs suffer immensely at the hands of those determined to make the EU a political union, and stuff who gets in the way, and a Commission which had to resign over fraud. Admittedly, Neil Kinnock doesn't go round the houses of those with different political opinions to himself and blow them up, but in my fluffy comparison of pro and anti EU, he's a bad egg.

Professor Snape can be played perfectly by Robert Kilroy-Silk. He says he's on your side, but looking at his past behaviour and allegiances, can you trust him? Then, he goes all out and reveals his true colours, and you realise your fears weren't misguided.

Dolores Umbridge will be played by Sarah Ludford. Blind to the real world and determined that her way is the only way, despite evidence to the contrary.

Please add your comments about other characters, in particular I need Draco and Ron. Names and reasons on the back of a postcard, please, and ten points goes to the best ones.

Cocaine found in the European Parliament

Traces of cocaine, indicating usage, have been found in 41 of 46 lavatories tested in the European Parliament. I'm not surprised, for two reasons.

1) This place is jaw-achingly dull. If you've ever been to a committee, you'll understand.

2) It certainly explains much of the 'legislation' coming out of this place, and the conduct of committees and plenary sessions. Let me explain....

From the national drugs website:

Delivering a quick and euphoric high, a blast of top quality coke can make you feel like you've just scored the winning goal in a FA Cup Final. Confidence soars through the roof, the heart thumps out a drum'n'bass crescendo, while you feel like you're on top of the world. Such is the strength of the drug, even the Grimthorpe Working Men's Club feels like a great place to be after a hefty noseful.

Side effects: You may well feel like a million dollars on coke, but to those around you, you may well appear as an arrogant, loud arsehole with your incessant gibbering and insincere waffling...

Do you see where I am going with this? I've always wondered why people like to talk so much in the Parliament and why they feel so confident making the decisions they do, particularly when they are not equipt with, say, the knowledge or expertise most of these decisions require. I am certainly not implying that everyone in the Parliament is snorting a quick line of Charlie before they hop, skip and jump into their 2 minute speech on the quality of beetroot cubes in the EU, or before they undertake a massive voting list on something they probably know little about, but it certainly makes one wonder...

My graduation...

Was yesterday. Won't go on about it too much, but just to say that it was a lovely day with lots of lovely canapes and champagne and I feel very proud of myself. Particularly since I did so little work. But there we go.

It was also the first official outing of my shoes, pictured above. If anyone is looking to buy me a small token gift, anything similar would be greatly appreciated. particularly these ones....




My mum managed to find her way to the bar rather too frequently for anyone's liking and ended up sitting by the corner of a wigwam, bottle clasped firmly in her hand and talking to students like she was one of them. Bless. The funniest bit was, however, when my father came to collect her and she informed him that for their next holiday she wanted to go backpacking.....

It's been a while, have you missed me?

The shoes I am wearing today are something else. Beautiful baby pink pointy-toe sling backs with not so much a kitten heel as a cat heel. The Ginas are with me, waiting to be taken home and worn to the graduation tomorrow!

But enough of my classy footwear. I have finally found the time, and the inclination to write my last entry in the room 101 section.

I was going through my book shelf the other day and I stumbled upon two old favourites which I haven't read for a while. The First was Captain Corelli's mandolin and the second was Charlotte Grey. Everything about these books was fantastic - the characters were so beautifully described and real, they could have been people you knew. The stories were gripping and unpredictable. Indeed with both, there was the bitter-sweet yet strangely satisfying ending which allowed you to believe that it could have been a true story, because they don't end with big loves and butterflies and whatever else people in love have. The language used, particularly in Mandolin is so rich and detailed, Delia Smith could use it in the Summer Collection.

Another thing these two books have in common is that films were made from them. Or maybe, bits of them. That is what I wanted to put into Room 101.

HOLLYWOOD ENDINGS! ARGH!

How can it be that after all that happened on the Island of Kefalonia, they would end happily ever after? Why does it have to end happily ever after - these people met during war time and the ending illustrates how people can get things wrong through assumptions and appearances, rather than trying to find out the truth. Charlotte Grey went to France to find her boyfriend, she didn't just fancy a jolly to the war torn area and whilst she was there pick up some french cheese and some lovely fruit covered tarts. And she certainly didn't risk everything for love to run off with some communist! Why do Hollywood film producers think that everything has to end happily ever after? Surely it's more satisfying to know that Charlotte went back to her boyfriend whom she risked so much for, and settle for a quiet life in Britain than some stupid affaire which you just know was going to end with some slutty blonde and a haystack.

Hollywood, these books are best sellers for a reason. If you tell us that the films are adaptations of the books, then don't give us a sugar-coated 'we wish this had happened' version. Life isn't like the movies, but sometimes it is like the books.

Thursday's child....

Is Junker! In he goes! wee, plop.

The PM of Luxembourg is going to hold a referendum on the Treaty establishing a Constitution despite it being dead as a dodo. Or, indeed, a doo-doo.

I heard yesterday that all 55 MPs in Luxembourg voted to establish the Treaty, with 5 not taking part in the vote. Maybe they found something more worthwhile to do with their time than vote on something which is notgoing to be taking place. How much money are they planning to waste on asking the people of Luxembourg, a country with a population of 400,000 (less than Croydon, but far nicer, I should imagine) whether they want the European Union to become even further integrated and federal, when those in France and Holland - i.e millions of people - have said that it's not going to happen.

Apparently, Junker will resign if he loses the referendum. The 'no' vote currently stands at 45% but it rising, so there's a good chance for him he won't have to fire himself. But still, Junker, I think you're missing the point....

Two today, since I was so busy yesterday

Tuesday:

Today, I am putting the Economic and Monetary Committee of the European Parliament into room 101, excluding Dr Whittaker, Lars Wohlin and Peter Skinner, and the secretariat, who are fabulous.

Why? Because I'm not entirely sure they aren't a sabotage camp set up by multi-nationals to squeeze out small businesses, and make our entire world sponsered by McDonalds and Glade plug ins.

The other day, I was taking notes on a report and a member started talking about economies of scale. "great", said she, the Economics graduate. "Let's see what they think about this." Well, nothing. They had clearly just opened a GCSE economics text book, picked a phrase out of it to make it seem as though they use something about economics, and then failed to continue this line of thought. Why did they fail to follow it? I think it maybe because they don't actually know what economies of scale are. I firnly believe that these kind of policies should be left to experts and the governments of nation states, who can be held directly accountable.

I'm sure they mean well, I'm sure they are trying their best.

Wednesday:

Superglue. Have just stuck my fingers together.

It's monday, I can't cope...

...with talking about anything which is going to use more than 5 brain cells. I was going to talk about Tony Blair and his new job being the President of the EU (I bet that caused some frantic panting on his behalf - fantasy or what?!?) but I´m bored of it already. So, this week I am going to do a special feature on things I would put into Room 101. Five items, so one each day of the week.

Monday is:

Geraniums.









They are the scum underclass of flowers. Always to be found in the biology department, half dead on the windowsill, or in window boxes of hotels of the kind where the cleanliness of bedlinen is not to be taken for granted. The colours are hidous: both on their own and together. Salmon pink is bad enough, but with RED? I ask you. Mother nature is clearly not a gay man.

One thing I won't be putting into Room 101, though, is my new Gina shoes. They are the highlight of my year.

I'd keep it strapped to your body in future, Miss...

I'm back. And it was more complicated than I had originally planned, because I had my wallet and passport removed from my possession whilst I was in France. How nice of these people, on seeing that my bag was a little too heavy, to make it lighter for me...

I managed to get back to the UK fairly easily, which was greatly appreciated as I didn't want to live in an empty office for a couple of weeks, living off the dust mites hibernating in the upholstry. Getting back to Brussels, however, was a different story.

I think it's fair to say that customer service is not a required skill at the UKPA in London. Having been slumped in a wheelchair at a casualty desk in Belgium with a receptionist who was 'too busy' to see me, I thought I had seen it all. But the sheer bloody-mindedness of the fuckers at Victoria left me speechless. FOUR VISITS it took me to get a passport, with problems ranging from them not being convinced I had an appointment, even though I had a booking reference, to my friend not being able to fit his double-barrelled name on my passport photo all on one line, as he did on the passport form. "You should have friends with shorter names", I was helpfully told by one jumped up little jobsworth called Mr Stick-it-up-your-arse Paperpusher who refused to sign my form.

I have two degrees and an IQ of 148. I should be able to manage to fill in a form, but these days you need a degree in fuckwittage specialising in anally retentive behaviour to get anything out of this government. I swear, I'm not letting this new passport out of my sight: I can't go through that again....

What part of 'no' don't you understand??!

Fantastic black wedge sandals from LK Bennet - How come no one told me there was a duty free shop in Terminal 1?

It's been a while since I've updated my blog, because I've been a busy little bee. Last week I flew off to Paris to hear the results of the French referendum on the EU Constitution in the place where it was all happening! Unfortunately, I decided to finish off my bottle of wine in the restaurant first and so was in a taxi practising my French (you know the kind - ou est la plume de ma tante) when the results happened. Am I sad and disappointed? No! Because 1) The French told ol' sproutland exactly which orifice to stick their 'tidying up exercise' into and 2) There was much champagne to be drunk.

Then, of course, there was the result of the Dutch referendum, which was no less delightful but did involve less drinking. We were in Brussels for that, gate crashed the socialist press conference (and thank goodness for them that we did - someone needed to turn up!) and then toddled along to the Commission to hear what the big knobs had to say about another country saying 'NO!'.

Well, what did they have to say. Things that made me want to shake them, if I'm honest. Apparently, the Dutch only voted no because they were unhappy with domestic issues and the French voted no because they weren't aware of the facts. This is despite all citizens receiving a copy of the document. Maybe, just maybe, they were upset because despite a hugely unfair campaign, with the 'yes - hand your country to unelected bureaucrats' getting 85% of press coverage and gazillions more spondolies to spend, sanity prevailed.

So, Mr Kinnock (yes, I heard you on the BBC the next morning...for God's sake man, you lost an election to John Major how much lower can you sink?), Mr Barroso and Mr Junker. We don't need educating. We don't need our tax money to be spent on propaganda, we don't need to be patronised into being told how to think. We want you to listen to us and understand that no means NO. We don't want a constitution for Europe, we want individual sovereign states who govern their own country. Stop strangling us with regulation, stop taking our money, stop punishing the third world with your agricultural and trade policies and let us run our own country!

Jokers

What a joke…

So the European Parliament is a check on the executive, is it? Well, correct me if I'm wrong but I can't see how the Commission and the group leaders in the EP, excluding IND/DEM can possibly believe in democracy if they think that MEPs have no right to question the guardians of the Treaties on their actions.

I'm sure you are all aware of the story now, but just in case…

Way back at the beginning of February Nigel Farage wrote to all the Commissioners requesting information about gifts and hospitality they had received since being in office. Well, perfectly acceptable question which would be answered in any proper democratic parliament throughout the world. But the European Union isn't democratic and so they decided to simply ignore the question for a month, and then a few weeks ago sent a letter saying that it wasn't anyone's business. Well excuse me for my impertinence, but I think it is!

So all channels trying to get answers from the Commission were ignored, and the only channel left to get Barrosso to explain himself was by a motion of censure. It's important to remember that the motion wasn't accusing anyone of wrongdoing: the purpose of it was to use what little power the Parliament has to hold the Commission to account. That is their role - the EP can't propose legislation, has a tricky time stopping any legislation which the Commission want passed but it can instruct that representatives of the European Union are honest and transparent in their dealings.

That is why this whole thing frustrates me so much. They had a genuine opportunity to try and make this place more open and transparent - which of course they all say they want to do - and all the group leaders could do was threaten MEPs with action if they signed the motion, fiddle speaking time so only the group leaders got to speak, and then spend half an hour slagging off the one man who is doing what he was elected to do. Their reason? They are afraid of anyone criticising their beloved fantasy with cruel accusations that the European Union is corrupt, undemocratic and is not the answer to all the questions. Anyone with the slightest criticism is jeered and booed from MEPs sitting at their desks in the hemicycle, delusions of grandeur clouding their judgement of the real world. And so close to the French referendum, which is looking increasingly like a NON - well it must be a mean piece of electioneering by monsieur Farage in his relentless campaign to burst the bubble of the EU wet dream.

One man who needs to be mentioned is Roger Helmer. A Tory MEP who is incredibly popular among party members and who has now been thrown out of the pro-EU EPP for doing what he was elected to do. By signing the motion requesting more transparency and he wasn't jumping sides to UKIP, he was making it clear that he wanted this institution to be more accountable and to try to winkle out the inbred corruption. His speech in the plenary session made it clear that he didn't want to be told how to represent his constituency members by someone from Germany who has different political views to him. I thought the Conservatives were elected on a eurosceptic manifesto, but forgive me if that was just a way of getting more votes….

Well Done Roger, and well done the others who disobeyed the whip and voted with their conscience.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/05/26/wtory26.xml

The greatness of Katy

The greatness of Katy (who incidentally wears size 10 shoes)

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of Katy Davies, but if you are not, then you should be. She is a lady of great wonder and beauty, with breasts so big they could solve the problem of the hole in the ozone layer.

Her professional attitude is one to marvel at: I have never known anyone play solitaire and minesweeper with such a degree of skill and talent as she (except maybe myself…). I gaze in wonder at her ability to master the most complex conversations on web messenger, and her telephone manner is a delight to listen to: like angels singing sweet music in ones ear.

In short, she is the bench mark towards which all women should aim.

Hmmmm...

Black boots today - am in casual mode.

Now, I'm not sure how up to date you guys are with the press, but you may have heard about Mandy and his boss Barroso and their luxury holidays. Well, a motion was put forward at the opening of the most recent plenary session in strasbourg to put this debate on the agenda. The result, for a debate discussing transparency and openness in an organisation controlling the lives and money of millions? Only 28 people voted in favour, including only two Tories: Heaton-Harris and Helmer. I'm almost willing to forgive CHH for purchasing his ties at Tescos....

Nevertheless, they had a chance to prove if they were prepared to stand up and act accord to how they were elected when a motion of censure was established for MEPs to sign. To their credit, despite being threatened by their German president of the dripping-wet European Peoples Party, 6 Tories signed the motion requesting that the President of the Commission be required to acknowledge details of gifts and huge lumps of tax payers cash going to his buddies. But what happened to the rest of them? There are more than 6 Tory MEPs in this concrete dump, surely they could represent their electorate and vote for finding out what is happening to their money? Or maybe they'd just rather keep quiet and make sure they get a nice position high on the list for next time round. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that after Barroso and his family went on a EUR20,000 cruise their hosts received a regional grant from the EU for EUR 10.3m...

As for the rest of the Tories, they really are euroseptic rather than eurosceptic. The more I see of their behaviour in the Parliament, the more glad I am I left that backward organisation which only appears to be a home for spineless middle-managers and thick tubby blondes.

Not that I favour the sandal-wearing brigade or the champagne socialists any more than I do the Tories. It's just that at least they have the guts to stand up and say that they want to sell our country down the river.

ooh, I feel much better now I have that off my chest. I may even get on with something productive, like drinking a beer in the sunshine with my Swedish colleagues.

Back to the drawing board?

Election over, time to think?

After all that work, my party of choice managed to get no seats in the Westminster Parliament. There was a big increase in the number of votes achieved, but nothing compared to the huge success we had last year during the European Elections.

Am I despondant? Not really. Satisfied that my opinions of the general public are correct and also even more certain that universal sufferage is a bad idea, but there is simply too much to be getting on with.

The three old parties were very successful in keeping the big question of Europe away from the headlines (ironic, really) but in a few weeks time Tony Blair is going to have a wet dream when he becomes President of Europe. Sadly for him it's only for six months, but that's long enough for the twat-extraordinaire to make enough stupid mistakes (Prescott as Deputy Prime Minister, anyone? You know he's made many...) for questions to be asked about where the EU is going. Admittedly these questions have been asked and answered honestly in most other EU countries, but the British population will insist on keeping their heads in the sand.

So good luck France in your fight against the EU man-eating octopus (a title of a porn film, shurely?) and good luck you genuine eurosceptics in making Tony squirm and shit his pants.

Tell me on a sunday

todays shoes: pretty flip flops I thought I had left at the bastard ex's house

No bank holiday for me, am off to Kent again tomorrow for more fun canvassing. Yet was also out on a sunday in my local area where yet again I discovered how 'on side' people are about the European Question. Will they vote according to their beliefs, though?

If you frequently rely on the media for your news you would be forgiven for thinking that there were only three parties running in this election, possibly four if you are silly enough to watch the BBC (I'm thinking Green Party here). Today's subject for why people are so bored with the election is why the media are choosing to bore people even further with their coverage of the election.

2. Do News International get a big cheque from Tony?

All they seem to do is bicker and fight - but why when they are so similar. Because they are so similar, is my conclusion. Mike says Tony is a liar over the war. Okay, Tony might be but little me managed to come to that conclusion over the war without being involved in MI5 and reading the transcripts from the Security Council. Charlie looks even more like an alcoholic /AIDS victim and has the mistaken view that his party is voted for by sensible, informed people rather than liberal sandal-wearing lefties who haven't quite gotten to grips with economic policy and is slagging the other two off for, well, anything. Tony is slagging Mike off for wanting to make public services more efficient without understanding that this can mean that spending goes down without services slipping. (Can they get much worse - that's for another day).

Minor issues when 70% of our laws come from Brussels, though, chaps.

Yet the party with the most interesting and different policies is getting completely ignored. In this bogus election the one party offering for Britain to be run from Westminster without giving billions of pounds to inefficient and corrupt Brussels, far reaching economic policies (drawn up by some economists!) and realistic ways to improve public services and stop the 'free ride' Britain has become, came behind the SNP when it came to the launch of their manifesto. Whether it's the newspapers, the tv or the radio it's the 'big three' getting coverage and the parties with something new and different to say getting nothing but frustrated. It's a shame, because people out there want to know if something different is being proposed and want to know the truth. evens on turnout this year being lower than last year!

Are the media scared that people will actually realise the truth about Europe after they've been lied to for so many years? Even the other day the Sun was telling people not to vote Lib Dem because they want the EU Constitution. Hello editor! Labour is leading that campaign!

Things would be a lot different if I were in charge, that's for certain. More shoe sales, for one.

When will it be over?

Anyone who is an avid follower of my blog (Emma) will know that I have been strangely absent recently. My reason? The General Election.

Now, I am all for democracy: People should use the opportunity they have to decide how their country is run, but I have noticed in this election how monumentally bored people have become in it.

We've been doing very well down in the constituency I am working in, trying to get our candidate elected but so often when I call on someone, they just don't want to know. So from now untilI run out of things to write about I shall focus on why people are less and less interested in voting. Today, we have:

The three main parties are all the same

What's so different about the Lib-Lab-Con? Nothing, really. When 70% of our laws come from Brussels and they decide so many issues, such as immigration and the price of food products what's the difference between voting for any of them? Yes, the Tories may say they are anti-EU but then why are some of their MEPs using their secretarial allowance money to finance the pro-Constitution propaganda? Labour have gone along way from their withdrawalist manifesto of 1983 and the Lib Dems are not of this earth, wanting further integration. I therefore conclude that it's a three horse race between the 'want ins', the 'want outs' and the 'I don't want to knows'.

I hope the 'want outs' win but I think the 'I don't want to knows' may do so...

Something to make you giggle

shoes: black pointed kitten heels with an irritating squeak in the heel

http://stablesound.co.uk/mp3/camillaqueen.mp3

Any sense in Strasbourg?

todays shoes: brown furry boots

Yesterday I went into town with Mr B, since we were getting cabin fever. Not surprising in this place, where you can arrive at 8am and not leave for 12 hours, by which time it is dark and all one wishes to do is consume vast G&Ts. Yesterday, however, I realised what a beautiful city Strasbourg was: the atmosphere, architecture, restaurants and bars. It really is infinitely superior to Brussels which is drab at best and has a quirky nickname for the dog shit which smothers the pavements.

Last session MEPs voted on whether we should be in Strasbourg at all or stay in the centre of bureaucracy the whole time. Only 15 MEPs disagreed with this suggestion and considering my comments above you may wonder why. Let me tell you. The travelling circus use the Strasbourg Parliament for four days per month - which works out to forty days per year after holidays. On top of the expense of heating, maintainence, lighting, guarding, cleaning and staffing a massive unnecessary building there is an additional cost of £100m just to cart equipment and bits of paper to and from Brussels. Then, of course, you have to pay for the MEPs and their staff to get there, and to stay in hotels. And who pays for this? The good old tax payer, of course.

As generous as I am with my credit card when it comes to lovely little boutiques, I am severely against this huge waste of money which could be spend in Member States doing something useful - maybe some research into currently incurable diseases? I'm even more against it when the overwhelming decision taken by MEPs (a surprise in itself that they did anything sensible, when you see some of them) was vetoed by the French. Why? Je ne sais pas. Puisqu'ils sont français?

Just call me Imelda

Todays shoes: Pea green heeled ballet style

Right. I'm sitting here in my office in Strasbourg now work is over wondering why I have started this blog. I think mainly it's going to be a good way for me to work off my frustrations about the European Union, whilst being informative at the same time.

Why shoes? Because I love them. In a world full of pain and misery they make me happy.