Bummers Nazi Party?

Rumours have reached my pretty, shell-like ears that the BNP in Sedgefield are telling people that UKIP want to reduce the age of homosexual consent to 14. My issue with that is that it's not UKIP policy to do so and the BNP, if these rumours are true, are saying it to stop people voting for us.

Personally, I can't understand why anyone would vote for the BNP unless they had mental problems, but that's not the issue at stake here. The issue is the BNP allegedly engaging in dirty tricks, and making out that being gay is bad in some way. So, I thought I'd post this little gem...

Proof that politics spin faster than a ballerina can be found in the latest revelation to descend on the BNP.

Only last week Richard Barnbrook proved an electoral bonus to the far-right party when he won 11 council seats in the East London borough of Barking and Dagenham.

The shocking success of Barnbrook’s campaign led to much hand-wringing in the media and from the opposition parties.

Labour’s Margaret Hodge was accused of giving the BNP undue publicity when she voiced concern at their apparent popularity.

Despite his success, it seems the smug smile has been wiped from Barnbook’s face following revelations that he was responsible for an arty Marxist, erotic gay movie titled HMS Discovery: A Love Story.

Made in 1989 when Barnbrook was a student, the avant-garde affair shows men in nautical fancy dress, fondling and pulling each other’s clothes off before frolicking naked in a river.

The anti-fascist organisation Searchlight were responsible for leaking the story, which they gleefully handed to the local newspapers who, dutifully splashed the story over their front pages. Anti-BNP protestors bought up the papers in their hundreds and then handed them out at local tube stations.

The BNP leader Nick Griffin is trying to make light of the matter as the tabloids revel in the lurid details, which include a script co-written by Barnbrook featuring some choice poetry unlikely to win literary awards.

‘It bares you like a foreskin’s folds…you will make of yourself a beauty, hard as rusting trucks and slag’.

Griffin is no stranger to rumours of a gay past and is now busily denying Barnbrook’s apparent passion for a man in a sailors’ outfit. ‘Pathetic rubbish,’ is how Griffin described the scandal. ‘Richard is not a Marxist or gay’.

While it’s hard not to notice the subtle homophobia in much of the tabloid reporting of the scandal, it’s equally difficult not to rejoice in the BNP’s egg-laden face.

One of the party’s key policies is that gay sex should be criminalised, though it tends to focus on immigration and housing in order to stir up resentment within multi-racial communities.

Unlike the Lib Dem’s Mark Oaten, the slick-haired Barnbrook will be unable to blame his gay moment on baldness.