Friday, June 26, 2009

It's health and safety gone mad

No, no; hear me out because it really is! And unlike ones like the Army not being able to call assault courses 'assault courses' as 'assault' implies violence, it's not just a silly cosmetic word change.

On one of Trixy's travels she stumbled across a lovely Italian run cafe which did breakfast rolls for almost nothing and are exceedingly yummy. Had an issue with soft eggs, though, as the first one I was given was cooked through.

'Hmmm' thought I, for I'm a woman of many words.

Eggs should be runny and squidge all over the bread in a really good egg roll, a matter which I took up with the establishment.

Turns out that the local council Health and Hygiene wonks have rules stating that cafes are not allowed to serve soft eggs as there's a risk people will get ill from them.

25 years this guy has been working in the food industry for, I think he knows how to keep and cook a fucking egg. It's also the reason why it's only Michelin starred restaurants who make their own mayonnaise. Health and fucking Safety. For eggs.

I know you can get ill from eggs but you can from anything and if I wish to go mad and take a real risk by eating eggs then I will, thanks. And I might have a lovely smoke afterwards.

Mmm mmmmmmm

It's an egg, not some rocket propelled grenade or IED laid hidden in a dish of sandwich filling, ready to burst forth fdrom between two slices of bread with the aim of killing and maiming as many as possible.

An egg.

From a chicken.

Cluck.

Fuck.

Leave us the cluck alone, southwark council and whichever other knobs tell cafes the same thing.

Go teach your gran to suck them or even better, let her teach you how to cook them.

7 comments:

TheBigYin said...

As one who has 'assaulted' many an 'assault' course in my army days I find what you say un bloody believable!

As for the egg situation well, I'm just gobsmacked, although nothing surprises me these days where elf and safety are concerned.

Have you checked out Dick Puddlecote's blog entry where comedian Steve Hughes has a got at them? He mentions the smoking ban too: http://dickpuddlecote.blogspot.com/2009/06/comedy-or-social-commentary.html

He's very funny, the comedian I mean, not Dick.

Witterings From Witney said...

This Health & Safety lark has got totally out of hand and is now beyond a yoke!

haddock said...

H&S...some of them are all white, it is local authority numpties over-egging all the guidelines that are the problem.

David said...

Anyone who'd work voluntarily for the HSE (and I don't recall reading they'd started press-ganging people) is de facto an enemy of the human race. You want a health and safety violation? How about hitting these twats in the face with a mallet until their heads burst?

Trixy said...

Dave, general consensus in Trixymobile is that your suggestion worth a shot.

James Higham said...

Turns out that the local council Health and Hygiene wonks have rules stating that cafes are not allowed to serve soft eggs as there's a risk people will get ill from them.

Grrrrrr!

Michael McManus UKIP said...

So eggs now pose a deadly risk to life and limb? Next they will set up a council task force non-job for them "Egg Safety Enforcement Officer"