A little bit of humour on a cold and frosty day

ELEVATION OF SECURITY LEVELS

As many are aware, the French government recently announced it was to
raise its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is
"General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are
"Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing
the country's military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert: Italy
has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective
combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in
uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a
neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
"Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime change".
Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack random countries
(ideally those without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for
help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in
1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great
Fire of 1666.