Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Bring on the 7th!

I finished reading Harry Potter and the half-blood prince yesterday. What a book! The trouble with Harry Potter is, though, that we wait 2 years for a new book and then finish it in 2 days. I'm waiting for the next one with baited breath and how long until it is published? So in the mean time, I have decided to combine Harry Potter characters with some of the colourful characters in the European Union. I'm not saying they are identical comparisons as we all know, just because someone is pro a political union breaking down thousands of years of culture in Europe, it doesn't mean they are murderers. Where am I going with this, I hear you ask? Not sure, but it has to be better than the Harry Potter porn flicks my darling moist friend and I were coming up with last night. Harry Potter and the enormous orgasm may not be that much of a seller, even if it does involve a threesome between Ron, Hermione and Harry and (GBF’s choice) a Slytherin sandwich....

Obviously, the character of Harry Potter has to be taken by Nigel Farage: fighting evil (the EU) no matter what personal risks he puts himself in the way of. He's also very nifty on a broomstick, I hear. Wise Dumbledore will have to be Roger Knapman. Quiet, calm and full of good ideas, with the ability to mobilise the troops when required. Roger Helmer is going to take the role of Cornelius Fudge who means well, but gets things wrong quite often (like being a Tory and joining the EPP, thinking Eurosceptics will have some say...dur). Hagrid is going to be played by our dear farmer and animal lover, Neil Parish..lovely country bumpkin and not the sharpest ear of corn in the field? Hermione has to be played by the wonderful and clever Theresa Villiers. She's a sharp cookie, and just because she isn't an all-out rebel, doesn't mean she's not fighting for the cause.

In the red corner we have Neil Kinnock as Lord Voldemort. I'm thinking African fisheries policies, trade deals where LDCs suffer immensely at the hands of those determined to make the EU a political union, and stuff who gets in the way, and a Commission which had to resign over fraud. Admittedly, Neil Kinnock doesn't go round the houses of those with different political opinions to himself and blow them up, but in my fluffy comparison of pro and anti EU, he's a bad egg.

Professor Snape can be played perfectly by Robert Kilroy-Silk. He says he's on your side, but looking at his past behaviour and allegiances, can you trust him? Then, he goes all out and reveals his true colours, and you realise your fears weren't misguided.

Dolores Umbridge will be played by Sarah Ludford. Blind to the real world and determined that her way is the only way, despite evidence to the contrary.

Please add your comments about other characters, in particular I need Draco and Ron. Names and reasons on the back of a postcard, please, and ten points goes to the best ones.

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